Graffiti

Chapter Twelve:

The words He killed them kept rushing through my head, like a shower nozzle out of control. How was Alex still sane? He'd probably been young and seen his own Father kill his Mother and sister, how could one experience that much pain and seem completely fine.

Well, he obviously wasn't fine. That was why he'd started to shut everyone out, why no one could get close... except for me... Which was weird, and I still hadn't figured out why he'd chosen me. If he had chosen me. 

That was what Spirit had implied, with the whole 'you're special' thing. I stared at the ceiling above Alex's sofa. I'd put him to sleep last night as he was too distraught to even make a coherent sentence. My heart went out to him, his pain, his mind... just him.

It was close to dawn now and I couldn't sleep. I got up and decided that I'd just wander around the house and think. Alex was like my favourite song; I couldn't stop listening to him, thinking about him, memorising him, savouring him. 

I'd fallen, and I knew that I'd inevitably pay for that. There was no doubt about it. I lumbered over to the sleek, black coffee maker and made myself a latte. When would Alex's dad arrive? Why was he even coming? Would he harm Alex? 

Even though Alex had warned me, I wasn't scared for me. I was scared for Alex. Scared about what this visit would entail, how it would scar Alex and hurt him all over again. I didn't really care what Alex's Father did to me, I wasn't easily broken and I didn't really care about what happened to me. 

I just couldn't bare the thought of Alex being let down again, or that his hopes might rise and he might be misled into thinking that his Father had changed; which I highly doubted. Was he even in prison? It would have been better if he was, because then, at least, if he tried anything the cops wouldn't ask too many questions when called.

I'd come to Jersey to sight see, and here I was, entangling my life with someone else's. And a boy's at that. It had seemed that I changed from what I had been before I had come here, never in a billion years would I have done this, it just wasn't me. I shut people out, I didn't let myself get close, yet here I was... proving myself wrong.

Roles were reversed, I was trying to get Alex to let me in, not trying to stop him from getting close to me. I closed my eyes as tears threatened to spill over. I didn't want this. I liked Alex, I really did, but this was just too... complicated. 

He had a past that would inevitably come back to haunt him, if not now then later. And whilst I didn't want to run off again and let Alex deal with it himself, I just wished that I'd corrected his stupid grammar, that we'd never met so I wouldn't feel guilty about leaving. 

I could just go now, he wouldn't know until it was too late. So why the Hell was I still standing in his kitchen, dressed in my black silk pyjamas making a latte. The door was right behind me. I sucked in a deep breath and forced myself to not think like that.

I would not leave Alex, not now. Not after he'd told me about his father, if I left now, he'd never tell anyone anything again and he'd revert back to step one; shutting everyone out. If I just stayed until his Father left, then I could finally leave, and he could find someone who wasn't me, and they could fall in love, because the thought of committing scared me and I really didn't want to be tied down.  

It would hurt me at first, but I'd experienced enough pain to know that it wouldn't last and eventually the pain would just turn into a dull ache. A fading dull ache. 

"Is that coffee?" A tired voice came from behind me. I turned around to Alex in a tight black shirt and navy blue boxers, his legs were thin and pale, just like the rest of him. His black hair was dishevelled and it fell into his bright green eyes, he didn't move it. Out of impulse, I leaned across the counter and brushed his hair aside. 

As I was pulling my hand away, he grabbed it in his warm grasp. He pulled me towards him, so much so that I had to awkwardly scramble over the black marble counter tops. He hugged me close and whispered, "Thank you. For staying." I nodded my head against his hard chest, I could hear his heart beating. 

Whilst the sound was comforting, I had to get out of his grasp. I wanted to kiss him, to grab his face and trace every single atom of, but I couldn't... Could I?

"Alex..." I whispered. 

"I know," he whispered back, staring into my eyes. "God, I know." 

Now I was confused, he couldn't possibly know about my desire to have him, could he? I furrowed my eyebrows at him. "Luna, I need you. I don't know why, but I do. I couldn't bare if you just walked out of that door and left, but I know you've been thinking about. You're like a bird, always wanting to go somewhere new. I'm not going to make you stay, you can leave, but God. It's just so hard to resist you, I just want to kiss you and never stop." 

His confession made the oxygen inside of me decrease, I knew he'd felt the same way about me, but I didn't know it was that strong. What was the point in denying him? We probably wouldn't last, so why not enjoy it whilst I still could? I pushed myself up and light bit his lower lip, he immediately answered and soon we were caught in a tongue war, which sent shivers up my spine and made me lust for more. 

More of him, more of this. 

I pulled out of the kiss, out of breath. "I don't know about not stopping, but we can definitely do that again," I said whilst grinning. 

"I'm taking you out," Alex announced abruptly. Inside I grinned manically, he was asking me out! Although, I thought, it would be funny to just play with him. 

I faked confusion. "What?" I asked. 

"I'm taking you out. To dinner. On a date. I want you to be mine," he confessed. I didn't like it when people said stuff like that, I didn't belong to anyone, I wasn't his. However, I knew, deep down, that he didn't mean it in that way, so I just smiled at him and hopped over to the coffee maker, to finish my latte. 

"When?" I enquired, I wanted to look good, so I'd have to go shopping. 

"Tonight." There was no room for arguing, and there was no way he'd let me out of his sight for long enough to go shopping, but I didn't mind because 'glamming up' wasn't my type of thing. I'd be perfectly comfortable in jeans, a shirt and no make up. It wasn't not like I wore it anyway. 

"Okay, but I have a condition." I turned my back on the maker as it poured the liquid into my cup, Alex looked afraid, like I was going to ask him to take me somewhere expensive, but really, a take away would do just fine for me. 

"Which is...?" 

"You have to let Spirit in here, she's my friend and let's face it, you weren't very nice to her or her brother, you should apologise." As much as I enjoyed Alex's company, I didn't want to be stuck with him all day, plus I liked Spirit and I wanted to know how she was. 

She also deserved to know about my date, but I swore that if she started going all girly on me, I'd throw her out myself. 

Alex groaned and dragged a hand down his pale face. "Fine. But no one else outside the crew, I mean it, Luna. I don't trust any one else." I was honoured that he trusted me, but I couldn't help but feel a nagging thought. We hadn't known each other long, he'd probably known Spirit longer than me, so why did he suddenly trust me. 

"Alex," I couldn't help but ask. "Why...Why do you trust me? I mean, we've known each other a little more that a week, and you shut everyone else out, but not me, why?" Alex paled even more, if that was possible. 

"That day, when we first met. The look in your eyes, you looked broken, and hurt, you looked like nothing could hurt you because it already had, and I knew what that felt like. I'd been living what you were feeling for the majority of my life, and I don't know. I just felt a connection with you. I felt like, even though I was so hostile, I could help you. I never imagined that it'd be you who helped me."