DESIRING MY STEPSISTER

Chapterone

LAURYN’S POV

I slowly dragged myself up the flight of stairs to my apartment, my body was screaming in pain from another overnight shift at Drink Drive. Lifting one foot after the other felt like moving heavy lead batteries placed on my heels. I pushed open my apartment door while kicking off my worn sneakers which made me wince in pain as the blisters on my heel burned like hell. I plopped down on the couch and dropped my bag heaving a sigh of relief. The familiar scent of the lavender air freshener my mom usually uses, coupled with the smell of coffee, always brings me comfort, but tonight it didn't.

My eyes slowly moved to my dad’s old denim jacket hanging by the side of the door that neither my mom nor I could move. It's been five years, five years since dad’s heart attack ripped our worlds apart. His favorite tea mug and our family photo stared at me from the kitchen counter. I still feel like he was still here in this little run-down apartment. I relaxed on the couch, rubbing my temples, closing my eyes, and just enjoying my newfound temporary relief.

“Lauryn… is that you honey?” my mom's voice echoed from the kitchen as she poured herself a glass of coffee, and handed me another. Her hair looks neatly brushed with a touch of red lipstick. Well, that's new, it's something I haven't seen in months…years even. I can see the light in her eyes as she handed me my cup of coffee.

“Someone’s chirpy?” I teased my mom. “Extra cream, just how I like it” I said, peeping into the coffee. “Thanks, Mom,” I added, wrapping my cold fingers around the mug.

She took a deep breath before setting down her mug on the table. “There's something I need to tell you, baby,”

My shoulder tensed immediately as several thoughts crossed my mind. What could be happening? “Ok, Mom, what's that?” I asked. Her eyes lit up in excitement as she leaned forward. “I've been seeing someone Laurie, his name is Arlo Matteo. He's from Tuscany, widowed like me. We connected a few months ago when he was in New York for business. We've been talking since then, he's kind and successful…he has a big winery in Italy, and he's asked me to marry him.” she concluded, her voice dropping in the end.

The confession felt like Ice water was poured on my head. I set my mug down in an instant, making coffee splash onto the table. “Marry him? Mom, are you serious…Dad just died like how long? And you're ready to jump onto the next man. You're just ready to move on like that?” I said, my voice breaking.

Mom tried to reach me, but I pulled my hand away. “Five years is a lot of time sweetie, I loved your dad with everything I had. But now he’s gone, I’m still young enough not to want a life, not to start over, to sleep lonely and wake up depressed every single night. Arlo can give us stability, he wants us to move to Italy with him. No more worrying about rent, or working extra time to settle our debts, this could be a fresh start for us,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

My eyes were clouded with hot tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks. I shot up from my chair, the legs scraping against the floor as I struggled to get the words out. “A fresh start? For you maybe, but what about me mom?” I yelled.

“I’ve spent the last five years working my ass off, holding us together, working doubles every day, picking up extra shifts, getting home exhausted, just to make sure we had food on our table,” This time, I couldn’t control the tears that spilled down my cheeks.

“I’ve been the one hugging you through the nightmares, and comforting you when you cried about missing dad. But now I’m going to fight for your love and attention after your new husband and son become your priority. That f*****g hurts, Mom, it does” I yelled.

“Language Lauryn Mc Cathy, I’m your mother. You’ll speak to me with respect. You know what? You’re just being selfish.” She yelled in frustration as she stood up from the chair. “Do you think I enjoy watching my only child suffer? Do you think I like knowing that in the blink of an eye, our things would be out on the streets? Your father’s medical bills are still crushing us. We need the money to survive Lau. Arlo has offered us security, a real home, and a chance to be free from poverty, we deserve happiness too my darling. We can’t keep living in the past, consumed by grief every single day.”

“Selfish?” I asked, my voice cracking as I spoke. “I’ve given up everything, I put my life on hold because we only had each other and now you just want to–”

“Laurie dear…”

“Dad would be heartbroken to see you rushing into this. Five years isn’t enough, Mom, it isn’t enough time to rush into another family. We’re just gonna pack up and fly across the ocean to some stranger’s vineyard like our lives here meant nothing?” I exploded. Our voices echoed off the apartment. Mom accused me of being immature, of clinging to grief like a weapon that hurt only her. I shot back at her about feeling replaced. I tried to make her understand how terrifying it was to imagine competing for my mother’s love with a man I hadn’t met. But it seems her mind has been made up when she said; “I’m tired Laurie. I’m tired of struggling alone and watching you suffer and that’s final.” She yelled.

The words landed like a slap across my face. My chest heaved up and down with sobs. “I can’t do this, Mom, I wouldn’t sit here and watch another man replace Dad”. I grabbed my bag in a hurry preparing to leave the apartment. She tries to reach for me, but I ignore her pleas to “talk more”, her mind’s already been made up, there’s no more talking to do. I slammed the door on my way out, ignoring my mother’s plea. I quickly reached for my phone and called my safe space. It went straight to voicemail: “It’s Bryan, you know what to do, leave a message.”

“Hello Bryan…” I said amidst tears. “I need you”