The lonely rogue

Tungi

Now I knew I was going to meet Tungi and hopefully get some answers my anxiety started to grow. What if didn't like what she had to say? What if my life was destined to be one full of abuse? Since my nightmare I had been questioning myself endlessly. Should I stay with these people or try and make it on my own? If I went out on my own I don't think I would survive long, anyone would be able to overpower me, I'm not strong and I'm not smart enough to be alone. Strangers would smell what Dean called my slut scent, and I would probably end up being r***d multiple times a day. I guess I was just too useless to survive by myself, but if I stayed with this group I might end up pulling them down. If my scent was that strong, I could have people turning up here and try to get to me. This would put everyone else in danger. I don't want to be a burden to them, they're so nice. What could I do? If Jaime-Lou hadn't found me I would be nothing but a memory now. I can't decide whether I'm happy she found me or pissed about it. It was my suicide, she had no right to interfere, but if she hadn't interfered I would be dead. why couldn't I decide if I want to be alive or dead? surely that should be a simple question to answer. Geeze, my head is so messed up.

One hour left until I go to Tungi. I walked up and down the corridor, trying to think about what I wanted to say to Tungi. I walked past the living room and saw Gabe sitting alone on one of the sofas, there was nobody else around so I went and sat with him. He looked at me as I sat and nodded his head at me to acknowledge my presence. We sat silently for a few minutes before I began to speak. "Gabe, can I ask you a question?" He nodded, goddess this man sucked at conversation. "After my nightmare, why did you hug me like that? why were you so concerned?" He looked at me like I had just asked the stupidest question ever. I felt like an i***t, so got up to leave. He took my hand and pulled me back down, starring into my eyes he spoke to me. "I have watched you get attacked and r***d so many times over the years. We were forbidden from stepping in and helping you, and it hurt us that we couldn't stop your pain. Me, Jaime-Lou and Robbie have all sat up crying over your pain quite a few times. We heard your screams so often that they started invading our dreams and reduced us to sleep deprived, depressed messes." He stopped for a breath, I took this chance to apologise. "Gabe, I'm so sorry, I didn't know. I wish I could go back in time and change it so you didn't have to suffer like that." His mouth fell open and he just starred at me. "You seriously just apologised to me for you being attacked? You never asked for that, you never did anything to deserve any of that." I could tell he was angry now, why did I have to open my stupid mouth. I hung my head down, willing my tears not to fall. I was scared, Gabe could easily lash out at me now, but I couldn't move, I was frozen. I could feel myself started to shake, I knew how things ended when I pissed someone off. Gabe didn't lash out though, instead he got up out of his seat and walked out of the room, leaving me in here alone. I couldn't stop my tears now, it would appear that no matter where I went it ended up with someone angry with me. I stayed sat down until I had cried myself dry, then I stood up and slowly made my way up to the roof.

When I got to the roof it was empty, there was nobody there, no sound, no movement, nothing. I walked around trying to keep myself warm and found myself stood at the edge. I didn't plan on standing there, but that's where I ended. I looked down at the ground. I wasn't too high, but if I just relaxed and let myself fall it would probably kill me. I wouldn't have to suffer and neither would anybody else. "If you were going to jump you would have done it already" a voice behind me suddenly said, making me jump backwards instead of the direction that I wanted to go. I landed hard on my butt on the roof. I looked behind me and saw a woman approaching me. This woman was old, very old. Her skin was nearly translucent it was so thin. She was bent over as she walked, this must be Tungi. I sat on the roof starring at her, unsure what to say. "Come" She said beckoning me over to the middle of the roof. I stood and made my way over to her, "Are you Tungi?" I asked, she looked at me and gave me a stiff smile, "Now is not the time for questions, now is the time for silence. Sit." She pointed and i sat. It was deathly quiet, she stood starring up at the sky, tracking the moon as it got higher in the sky. After a while she pointed at the moon sitting high up, it was full and bright, I had never seen it look so majestic. "Now, I talk and you stay quiet" She commanded as she quickly shifted into a frail looking grey wolf. I was completely mesmerised, I couldn't take my eyes off her. She sat starring at the moon for a few seconds then closed her eyes. She stayed like that for about an hour, not moving a muscle. I didn't move or make any noise, I just sat and watched her completely in awe.

Finally she opened her eyes and beckoned me to follow her. I stood and followed the wolf back down the stairs and along a corridor, she walked into a dimly lit room and I followed. As soon as we entered the room, she shifted back to her human form, still fully dressed and sat down on a large arm chair that seemed to swallow her. She pointed at a seat opposite her gesturing me to sit, so I did. She looked at me for a while before speaking. "You are Gwen?" I nodded " You have many questions, you may ask me anything, I have conferred with our goddess and she has blessed me with all of the answers." I wasn't sure where to start, I had so many questions. I thought about what I wanted to know for a minute or two. The old lady sat patiently waiting. "Why wouldn't Dean love me like he was meant to? Why was my brother so cruel to me? What did I do? I couldn't help the small sobs that escaped my mouth. Tungi smiled at me, it was the first kind smile she had given me since I first saw her. "Dean was not your true brother" she started, " Your parents tried for a baby for many years without success. They decided to adopt and found a pack that had many orphan cubs. They chose Dean and raised him as their own. When Dean was 4, your mother discovered she was with child, and against all of the doctors expectations she gave birth to you. Dean wasn't happy about it from the moment you were born, he thought your parents wouldn't want him around anymore now that they had their real baby. Over the years his resentment of you grew, even though your parents never treated him any differently, he was still showered with love, just the same as you, but his hatred and anger for you still increased. After your parents died he saw the opportunity to get revenge on you and that's why he acted the way he did, you did nothing to deserve that treatment." She paused for a moment looking at me with a touch of concern on her face, I nodded to let her know that I was OK, and that she could continue.

She continued. "Our moon goddess, knew you had to suffer to make you strong, but even she never thought that you would suffer as much as you did. I have been friends with her for a great many years, she came to me one night and told me about you. She said I should send our most compassionate wolves to watch you, but not interfere. When the time was right, when Dean finally gave you up, they were to bring you to our family, where we could look after you and make you strong until it was time for you to move on to your next chapter in your life. When you turn 16 and shift you will find that your wolf is a little bit different than most wolves. This is because the goddess has blessed you with certain powers. powers made especially for you. I don't know what your powers will be, but I have my suspicions. We will help you harness your powers and we will make you strong." She finished speaking, leaving the room in silence for a moment. "What if I can't shift?" I asked her, "I've not felt my Wolf since I've been here and I know I can't shift without her." Tungi stood up and walked towards me, she took my hands and smiled at me. "Your wolf will be one if the most powerful wolves there has been for a great many years. At the moment she will be resting, conserving energy that she will need for her first transformation. Don't worry about her, she is a fine, strong wolf." " But how do you know" I asked timidly, She laughed. A big loud belly laugh, "My dear, do you think our goddess would bless a weak, fragile wolf with powers such as these? She needs a strong wolf, which is why your particular wolf was designated to you, a strong, beautiful woman. Never worry about the moons plans, she knows exactly what she is doing."