WICKED KISSES: Madness of Wanting Her

How to find a fatal lapse of judgment in a person who is almost living an incredibly perfect life? Good grades, proud parents, amazing friends, and people that admires me. As a young boy who grew up with these, life feels so perfect. Why not, though? If I am taken care of in my life decently? Natuto ako sa mga bagay na may kaakibat na reponsibilidad sa buhay, dapat lahat ay nasa ayos. “And you will realize if you want her badly. Kapag may halong gigil at galit kapag ginagawa niyo sa kama.” Rive laughed and slowly went back to his chair after he explained, while making hand gestures. He likes this conversation, halos napapatayo pa kapag ganito ang usapan. Nasa isang pagtitipon kaming mga magkakaibigan ngayon. After Meira’s debut, she requested to her family to have a staycation on one of their resort in Villanueva, it her father’s hometown. Kaya naman kami nandito. Matirik pa ang araw habang nag-iinuman kami sa cottage, dapit hapon na at lahat kaming mga lalaki ay nandito. I glanced at Mei’s area, near the deck where the girls are. But she has some alone time with his boyfriend there instead of joining us. “You will know… you get crazy. It becomes an addiction. Sobrang tindi at sarap.” I can hear Rive continually talking. Hindi ko na masundan dahil ang tingin ko ay nasa kay Meira at nobyo niya. She is wearing a bikini, siya lang sa mga babae ang nagsuot ng ganyan na halos kitang kita na ang balat niya at wala ng tinira. I swallowed hard and tilted my head when my eyes went to her neck, down to her chest. “You’re saying that you like bigger boobs? Gaano kalaki?” I heard from Garreth. I glanced at Rive when he tried to show the kind of size he wanted using his palms. Nagtawanan sila at halos batuhin ng pagkain itong si Rive. “Why don’t you share something, Malcom? You don’t speak in this kind of conversation?” Conrad asked. “I am curious, hindi ba at may nililigawan ka? Have you scored for her? Balita ko… top 1 daw ng CBA yun, ah?” He smirked. Nilagok ko ang alak at binaba yun. I licked my lower lip and nodded my head. “I don’t do s*x if not in a relationship…” I murmured. “I only have s*x with my girlfriend. Hindi yung tipong may mahila lang.” Garreth scoffed and shook his head, palibhasa gawain niya. Nakipagtawanan na lang siya kina Zafe at Stanley. I bit my lower lips and looked at Meira again, nakita kong hinahalik-halikan na siya ng nobyo niya sa pisngi at bandang leeg. “Walang magawa ang kambal niya, birthday, eh.” Conrad, who is sitting beside me, uttered when he noticed who I was watching. Mei stood up and pulled her boyfriend to take a picture of her. “If Mei is joining our talk, I think she can share a lot. She gets along with boys, galing niyang magpaikot ng lalaki.” Conrad smirked proudly, like that how it should be, palibhasa nakuha sa kanila. I tried to make things right for her and not put her lane where it opens her mind to mature activities. Pero wala akong nagawa… dahil mas malala pa yata ako kaysa sa kanila. “Hindi ka pa nasanay diyan. Maghihiwalay din yan.” I leaned on my chair and stretched my arm to rest on the wood on our back. My mouth parted and stop mid-air from drinking the alcohol when I saw the boy kiss Mei on the lips. Dumiin ang hawak ko sa baso at umigting ang panga, bumigat ang paghinga ko at rumiin ang titig sa kanila. Tangina. Gago, ah! Can’t he see that he is the only one not part of this circle and has the guts to kiss her while we are here? When I looked around to get some reactions from these boys, they just smirked and shrugged it off. Si Stanley ay walang reaksyon, pero tila wala rin naman magagawa kaya hindi na pinansin. I looked at Mei and she was smiling while fixing the strand of her hair. Her boyfriend hugged her from behind, gusto ko ng tumayo at lapitan sila. Gusto kong hablutin ang braso niya at padarag siyang idiin sa dingding. Tsaka halikan ng mariin hanggang sa mapahawak siya sa akin. Hanggang sa manghina sa mga halik ko. To f*****g satisfied whatever she is feeling inside her. “Saan ka pupunta?” tanong ni Conrad at kita ko ang makahulugan niyang titig sa akin, napataas ng kilay nung ituro ko si Meira at nobyo nito. He pursed his lips and smirked. Kinuha ko ang baso ng alak, pinuno iyun tsaka lumapit sa kanila. Mei saw me walking towards them. I saw that she was thrilled when she looked at me. Napaayos siya ng tindig at nanghahamon akong tinignan. “Kuya Malcom,” masayang sambit sa akin ng lalaki. “Join us, para mas makilala ka naman namin.” Inabot ko sa kanya ang alak at tipid na ngumiti. I am probably an evil disguise as an angel. Alam kong mabuti ako, pero nagiging masama dahil kay Meira. Nagkakasala at nauulol pagdating sa kanya. She crossed her arms and smirked at me. She sees this as a game, she looks at herself so highly. She can turn a good boy to bad one. She can put a storm in a calm ocean. She is a witch. She is wicked. “Am I allowed to drink?” pabirong tanong ng nobyo nito sa kanya kaya pagak akong natawa. I insultingly looked at Mei, so that is the kind of relationship they have? “Controlling girlfriend? Masama yan,” biro ko pero kanina pa ako nagtitimpi sa kanya. Gustong gusto ko siyang magalit at mainis. Hindi pweding ako lang. Mei smiled fakely at me and face her boyfriend. “Go and join them. I will be with the girls.” She sweetly smiled and tiptoed to kiss him on the lips in front of me. Namula ang lalaki at bahagyang yumuko sa hiya dahil nakatitig ako sa kanila. Mei licked her lips while looking at me just to f*****g annoy me. Naunang maglakad ang boyfriend niya papunta sa cottage. Lumapit ako kay Meira at mariin siyang tinignan. “You look cheap. Even on your bikini, no decency.” Napaiwas ako ng tingin at bago pa siya pumutok sa galit ay tinalikuran ko siya. I suddenly regretted what I have said, when I saw how it affects her. But she deserves it, kissing him in front of me? Hindi na nahiya. I DRUNK MEI’s boyfriend, nung gabi na ay naghatian na ng kuwarto na tutulugan. Prima and Janella shared the same room. When Mei was not sharing with the girls, I looked at her. And caught her staring at me. “Tayo na sa kuwarto,” ani sa akin ni Conrad at tinapik ako sa balikat. Nasa counter kami at kinukuha ang susi sa staff. Stanley will be sharing room with Mei’s boyfriend. I am bothered why Mei will sleep in room alone. Alam ko na agad iyun pero hindi lang ako sigurado lalo pa at nakapagsalita ako ng masama sa kanya. Does she want me… inside her room? O baka nagkakamali ako at baka may usapan sila ng boyfriend niya? He is drunk, though. “How about you, Mei?” Inakbayan siya ni Garreth na may susi ng hawak. “Share with the girls,” he encouraged, but Mei moved her lips and looked at me. I looked away and tried to be attentive to them to listen further. “I’m fine alone,” Mei mumbled. “Bantay sarado yan sa aking boyfriend mo,” malamig at seryosong sambit ni Stanley sa kanya bago kinuha ang susi at umalis. I smirked and followed them. Serve you right, little witch. Pagod lahat nung makapasok na kami sa silid, Conrad was a little bit drunk. Most of us, and I am sure they will all sleep early. After I showered, I caught Conrad checking his cellphone. Pumunta ako sa kama ko at humiga tsaka inabot na rin ang cellphone ko. I messaged Charlize, the girl I am courting in college. Pero napahinto ako nung mag-pop sa notif ko ang pangalan ni Meira. Tumikhim ako at napaayos ng pagkakahilig sa headboard ng kama. I glanced at Conrad, he yawned and closed his eyes. I check Mei’s message. Hindi na ako naka-reply kay Charlize dahil inuna ko ang message niya. ‘Asshole! Mas cheap ka! Courting a girl and yet keeps on lusting after me, yuck! Kadiri!’ Umigting ang panga ko. Hindi ko na ‘to papatulan, sasabit na naman ako. Makakagawa na naman ako ng kasalanan. “One message,” I murmured to myself and typed a reply. ‘Did I touch you, though? Did I kiss you? What do you mean by lusting for you? Why would I lust for you? Which part will I? Beacause you are wearing a bikini? Haha.’ I bit my lip and closed my eyes tightly. Ang dami kong sinabi, at ang dami ko pang gustong sabihin. She replied, so I immediately checked it. ‘Lol, mas maganda naman ako sa girlfriend mo. Halata sa titig mo, kanina pa.’ My lips parted and I smirked. Where did she get that confidence? Palibhasa bini-baby ng mga kaibigan namin kaya nagkakaganyan ang ugali. ‘Wanna talk? You sound… jealous.’ I typed another reply. ‘Usap tayo, puntahan kita sa kuwarto mo.’ She wants to be alone because she wants to see me in her room. I am not sure, but she obviously has a reason why she chose to be alone. ‘Ewww! No thanks!’ I chuckled and stood up. Let's see if you can still say eew to me after I go inside your room. “Lalabas ka?” naalimputangatan si Conrad. Pinakita ko ang cellphone ko. “Tawagan ko si Charlize, usap kami,” I lied. He raised his eyebrow and nodded his head. “Balik ako agad.” When I thought that I will stop wanting her after f*****g her. I didn’t. Nakaramdam lang ako ng matinding guilt at pagkakasala. Pero bukod roon, mas lalo ko siyang nagustuhan. It was no longer lust, dahil hindi lang basta galit ang nararamdaman ko. Kundi may halong sakit na rin, paninikip sa dibdib tuwing… ibabasura niya ako. Tuwing sawa na siya sa akin at maghahanap na ng iba. But what f***s my head, she comes back to me. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa mga ginagawa ko at nadadala lang siya dahil alam niyang… mahal na mahal ko siya o. She gets bored again that’s why. “Let’s cuddle for a bit, please…” namamaos kong bulong sa kanya at hinalikan siya sa ulo. “I still have class, Malcom.” She tries to get away from me, umahon siya at napaupo pero pinulupot ko ang kamay sa kanyang tiyan at hinila siya pahiga sa kama. “I’m exhausted, may pasok pa ako.” Pagrereklamo niya. Pumaibabaw ako sa kanya at sinimulan siyang halikan sa leeg. “Pagkatapos ano? Hirap mo na namang hagilapin?” My voice has piled up with so much emotion, sulking and a bit scared. Dahil siguradong malalaman ko na naman na baka may ka-date na siyang iba ngayong nakaraos na siya. “Mamaya kana umalis… I want to cuddle.” She laughed at me, tila ba nakakapanglait ang tawa niya. Umigting ang panga ko at mapungay siyang tinignan. Damn it! I am so crazy, Mei. So damn crazy. “Pakakasalan kita. Just make me your boyfriend, please. I want label,” nahihirapan at seryoso kong sambit. She stilled and looked away, ayaw niya kaya bigla akong nanghina. She pushed me, but I firmly stayed on her top. “I love you so much. Pakakasalan kita. Ayoko ng ganito. Please…” “Malcom,” she sounded annoyed now. Nahirapan akong napalunok at balak ng tumayo bago pa siya mainis sa akin ngunit biglang bumukas ang pintuan ng kuwarto niya. She gasped when we both saw her parents on the door. “Mom… Dad…” takot na sambit ni Mei at hinila ang kumot para takpan ang katawan niya. “Papatayin kita! Hayop ka, Malcom!” he was stopped by Tita Justine before he went to me. Tumayo ako at handa ng magpaliwanag. “I will f*****g kill you, pinagkakatiwalaan kita sa anak ko at ito ang gagawin mo sa kanya?!” “Stan!” Tita Justine uttered to push his chest away from me. “I will explain, Tito—” “We got drunk, Dad! We don’t know what happened, it was a mistake. I’m so sorry!” Meira shouted nervously. Sinulyapan ako ni Meira at ramdam ko ang takot sa kanyang mukha. I closed my parted lips. It ruined. I ruined the relationship between our family and friends. Na kung saan pati pagkakaibigan ng mga magulang naming dalawa ay nasira. Pero ang hindi ko matanggap, ay ang mga sinabi ni Meira sa harapan ng lahat. “Hindi ko siya pakakasalan! I don’t love him, I won’t marry the man that I don’t love. Malcom seduced me! Siya ang lapit nang lapit sa akin!” she cried in frustration. My mother looked at me, buong buhay ko ay hindi ako kailanman naging pabigat. Malinis at responsabli. But today, I saw how they all looked at me in disappointment. “Bata pa lang kami, may gusto na siya sa akin! I won’t marry him! He is lusting over me, he just wants my body! He only wants s*x from me!” she cried, dahil ayaw na ayaw niyang maikasal sa akin. Ayaw na ayaw niya… sa akin. But how could she just… say those untrue things in front of our parents? And put me in shame and humiliation? I smirked in disbelief. I felt so naked and a big-time sinner. Those words are liberated and disgusting. It is even worse to be said in front of our parents, who are honorable and respected. Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kanya at hindi niya ako matignan. I bowed my head and closed my eyes firmly. What a wicked woman she is. Very cruel and unjust.