Secrets and Seduction

12 YEARS AGO~ TASMANIA, AUSTRALIA I stood at the edge of the rooftop, dangling one leg after another, flirting with gravity and its attempt to pull me towards the ground, not that I minded. I drifted a little, catching myself before I could slip off the top. Digging my hands into my jeans pocket, I hunched in on myself, the fall air feeling colder. I looked up at the sunset, its hue completely hypnotising me. “I wouldn't do that if I were you, it's almost winter, and just think about how terribly cold your body would be, buried in the snow, completely forgotten.” I blinked and turned around, snapping out of my trance and there she stood in sports trousers and a red crop top, and her midnight black hair in a bun. That's how I met her, and that was the beginning of the disturbing nightmares and newly found obsession that continued for a long time. ~~~~ Very often, I'll find myself staring out into the hallway or doing a short scan in class hoping to catch a glimpse of her. I can't even begin to describe how this makes me feel. Feeling something at all sounds like a very foreign concept to me. After that day I met her, everything had changed. She would come very often to the rooftop, smoking her cigarette and filling the silence. She'd talk about everything and anything, both of us swinging our legs from the edge, basking in the sunset. The one time her pet worm, which she found in her garden when she was seven, died because she tried to play fetch with it under the hot sun. And her hearty laugh that followed the story. The thought of it brought a smile to my face… Almost- Or the year prior, when she was fifteen, she bought her first vape, and her dad caught her using it, and she was scared shitless. Or is it how I suddenly started feeling the cold evening fall air lightly brushing my face, or the gentle heat of the sun on my skin? The sound of the birds on the maple tree in the distance. The world has always felt quiet, but this was soothing; I felt at peace. “Woahh... Did you... Did you just smile?” I blinked, turning to look at Camilla. “No, no, no. You can't do that, I just saw your lips curve a little.” “It was a smile. It definitely was a smile.” I turned away, staring ahead at the sun which was now a deep orange glow and almost disappeared from the horizon. Did I smile? I don't know, I don't remember what it feels like. I sneaked a glance at her and answered with a shrug. She looked away and stared ahead too, taking a pull from her vape. “I can't believe it, I thought you couldn't pull one off. For the longest I've known you I've never seen you smile or display any emotions at all.” That got me curious about how long she has known me exactly? I mean, I just met her and then also noticed the people she hangs out with after meeting her. “How long have you known me?” I asked, reaching over my head to pull the hood further down my face. She stared at me for a while before answering. “Well, we've had most classes together since Freshman year, and you're all the school talks about since there isn't much gossip in this little town.” She was right. Growing up in Risdon Vale, Tasmania, there isn't much to do around here, and this is the only high school in a small town with a population of more old people than young people. “Have you heard what they're saying?” She started, snorting. How funny could it possibly be? “They're saying you killed someone. Can you imagine that?” Well, it's possible. If you found just the right spot, you could execute it with just one blow. She stopped laughing when she saw how serious my face looked. “You did not actually kill a person, right? You killed nobody.” She answered confirming the fact to herself. I looked away, burying my hand in my hood pockets. I don't really care what people say or the thoughts and beliefs they get consumed with about other people. Everyone has the burden they want to drag along. Whether it be about themselves or someone else. “So what's your story? I know basically nothing about you.” “I thought you said just a while ago, that you know me pretty well,” I asked with a small smile. “Oh, we're telling jokes now,” she asked with a smile of her own. I turned away, lying down on my back. It's almost fully dark now, the stars are beginning to take up their place in the sky. Staring at the sky, I allowed silence to consume us for a moment. “I grew up in an orphanage, right here in Tasmania. I ran away a couple of times, and I guess they just got tired of always bringing me back, and I'm old enough now.” “How old are you?” she asked, lying down right next to me. I inhaled a deep breath. Letting her perfume and light tobacco scent consume me. Turning my head to the side, I stared at her hair, its colour blending seamlessly with the night sky. “18. I'm 18. Though I doubt it. The orphanage did not know my correct age when they got me, and since I was very tiny as a kid, they just assumed I must be the same age as my peers.” she chuckled. “So you'll be 19 next year, Senior year. I wish I'll be here for that.” I frowned and turned to her. “Why did you run away?” she asked, catching my attention before I got too buried in my thoughts. “Well, the orphanage wasn't exactly a bed of roses. Everyone pretended to like each other and that they were happy. I just had enough of it.” “I understand, that must have been hard.” I shrugged. “Are you from around here?” I asked, checking my phone. “No, not really. My family travels to many places from time to time.” I nodded and sat up. “My shift starts around 8 pm, and I have to get there on time, but it's fine till then.” “Here”, she reached for my hand, tying a maroon-coloured bracelet around it. “Happy early birthday to you my phlegmatic friend. A light laugh escaped me, the wind wrapping its airy feel around us. I cleared my throat as I felt her heated gaze on the side of my face. Standing up, I brushed myself off and turned to her. “It's time for me to head to work, and thank you for this.” “You're welcome. I hope you think about me every time you look at it” I offered her a smile. I definitely would. “Are you not going home?” I asked as she lay back down on the concrete floor. “Nah, I'm good. Maybe later.” I nodded and rounded the corner, descending the stairs and walking out of the school building. TWO WEEKS LATER~ I ran down the hall, my heart thundering in my chest. No. It can't be. She wouldn't actually do that without telling me. She wouldn't leave me in the dark, not after all the time we spent together. Brushing past every student and ignoring the teacher yelling at me to stop running in the hallway, I reached her locker and flung it open. It was empty. Everything was gone. A strangled laugh escaped me. There was no way… Scanning the hall and ignoring the crazy stares I was getting, I took big strides towards her friends. They went quiet when I reached them and avoided eye contact. “Where is she?” I asked, glaring at them. A girl shifted nervously, her fingers gripping the strap of her bag. “Why are you asking us? Isn't she always with you?” I swallowed, pushing back the tightness wrapping my throat. “She wouldn't just leave.” She sighed, looking up at me “She left not too long ago. She was just at the principal's office to collect her transfer letter. Her dad is moving but she didn't tell us where to but she did say-” I turned around, running to the principal's office. Pushing the door open, I scanned the room. There were two extra teachers but no sign of Camilla. I turned, ignoring the angry voice of a teacher and ran out the door and towards the school's entrance. Looking up, I said a silent prayer that she's still in the parking lot. But when I got there, she was gone. ~~~~ Senior year went by in a blur. Each day blending into the next. The days felt unbearably long, the sun hotter and the world louder. Class after class. The voices of teachers. The noise of hormone-driven teenagers chatting excitedly about homecoming. The voices in my head won't stop talking. Everything was loud, unbearably loud. Why? Why would she do that? Why did she disappear without saying goodbye? I hated how I felt. I was aching. Miserable. Pain has always been my comfort, but this-this felt worse. The rest of the months went by. The rooftop that was once my solitude, long forgotten. Prom came and passed. A mixture of loud music and excited faces. I was tending the bar, a punishment for walking out on a teacher in class. Also the only reason I was here, instead of my room, huddled up on my bed. “Hey, I asked for a martini.” I stared at her for a moment, then glanced at the cup in her hand. “We don't serve alcohol.” She stumbled a little “Then what's the point of a bar” “Please leave.” Grabbing her cup from the counter, she tossed her drink on my face and stumbled off. I sighed and stared at my reflection on the glass counter. My skin was ghostly pale, my eyes sunken and bloodshot. My deep brown eyes have lost its colour. I looked terrible. A sudden anger consumed me. I was doing better before she came into my life. I was better before she ruined me. She better pray I never find her.