Chapter one
VERONICA
“You’ve got only one year to conceive, Miss Castro.”
“One year?”
Napatitig ako nang maigi sa doktor ko, trying my hardest to process the heavy words that had just come out of her mouth.
“Yes. After that, kailangan na nating tanggalin ang matris mo bago pa mauwi ang lahat sa mas malalang kondisyon.”
For a few seconds, I just stared at her.
Sinubukan kong magsalita.
Magtanong ng kahit anong possible solution, kahit anong alternative.
Pero parang may malaking bara sa lalamunan ko.
Nothing came out.
I just couldn’t.
Because deep down, I already knew.
Wala na rin naman siyang ibang maibibigay na solution.
For almost two years, ever since she first diagnosed me, naging brutally honest na siya tungkol sa tunay kong kondisyon. She never sugarcoated anything, and I appreciated that.
Hindi na kasi nagre-respond ang sakit kong PCOS sa mga treatment na binibigay ng doktor ko.
Worse, my condition was rapidly deteriorating as time went by.
And now, we had reached this point.
Ang pangarap kong maging ganap na ina, ay tila isang pangarap na lang na malabo nang matutupad.
And it terrified the hell out of me.
Because I was only twenty-nine.
Twenty-nine f*****g years old.
“At this point, kailangan mo nang magdesisyon ng maaga, iha.”
“I’m…” Napalunok ako nang matindi. “I’m gonna think about it, Doc.”
“Okay. Anyway, if you have any inquiries about artificial insemination, pwede kitang i-refer sa isang reliable medical clinic. They give excellent results for a very reasonable price. Do you have health insurance?”
“Meron naman po, pero hindi ko alam kung covered ba ’yon.”
I hesitated.
“But just in case… sure success ba talaga ’yun?”
“Yes, but of course, hindi rin natin masasabi kung ilang beses mong kailangang ulitin ang procedure. Most patients succeed within two trials.”
“So that means dalawang beses din akong magbabayad for the entire procedure?”
“Yes. It’s expensive, but honestly, it’s one of the fastest ways to get the result you want.
Napapikit ako sandali.
Pero sobrang mahal.
Magkakaanak nga ako, pero baka maubos naman ang buong savings ko.
Ghad.
I didn’t even know kung sasapat ba talaga ang laman ng bank account ko para doon.
Kasalukuyang pinoproseso ko pa ang lahat sa utak ko nang muli magwika ang doktor.
“Or… there is actually another way that might be more convenient.”
Agad akong napatingin sa kanya.
“What is it?”
Napaayos ako ng upo, desperate to grab onto whatever lifeline she was offering.
“If you have a partner, you can still try to conceive naturally. Bibigyan na lang kita ng hormone supplements para maging more active ang egg cells mo during fertilization, plus some vitamins for your partner.”
Napanganga ako.
That was actually… brilliant.
Simple.
Possible.
And maybe, mas makakatipid ako.
The only damn problem was…
Wala akong partner.
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Exactly 7:45 AM nang makarating ako sa office building namin.
I was supposed to start working at nine, pero dahil wala na rin naman akong ganang umuwi pa sa apartment after my doctor’s appointment, pinili kong dumeretso na lang sa trabaho.
I desperately needed a distraction from all the bad news.
And if there was one thing I was good at, it was burying myself in work.
Like I always did.
Abala ako sa pagtitimpla ng kape sa pantry nang biglang may huminto sa doorway.
“Huy, ang aga natin ah!” natatawang sabi ng boses sa likod ko. “Talaga bang may balak kang gawing buong mundo mo ang opisinang ’to?”
Nag angat ako ng tingin mula sa coffee machine.
Dominique.
The finance assistant manager.
Isa sa napakaraming tao rito sa kumpanya na parang walang ibang libangan kundi ang magpakalat ng mga malisyosong chismis behind my back.
“Hindi naman,” kaswal kong sagot. “May dinaanan lang ako kanina. And since malapit na rin naman ang shift ko, I decided to come here na lang.”
“Oh, okay. Sabi mo eh.”
She gave me a look before continuing.
“Anyway, hindi na rin naman bago sa ’yo ’yan. You always work way harder than everyone else here. Kaya nga paborito ka ni Sir, ’di ba?”
She smiled.
But there was absolutely nothing friendly about it.
“Well, keep it up! Who knows? Someday, you’ll finally reap what you sow.”
Hindi na ako kumibo.
Tahimik lng akong uminom ng kape habang pinapanood siyang maglakad papalayo.
She was extremely bitter.
Kasing pait ng black coffee na iniinom ko ngayon.
Dominique had been acting like that ever since I was promoted as Don Raphael’s executive secretary.
And honestly, I couldn’t completely blame her.
Mas nauna naman kasi siyang naging employee ni Sir Raphael. She was one of the pioneering office clerks in the finance department. Eventually, na-promote siya as finance assistant manager.
But after that?
Nothing.
Walang upper position.
Walang further promotion.
Di gaya ko.
Hindi paman ako nakaka isang taon as an office receptionist, I was promoted to finance associate—the same position she had once worked hard to reach.
And before I could even celebrate my first year in that position, I was promoted again.
This time, as Don Raphael’s executive secretary.
I knew exactly how that looked from the outside.
And I was fully aware na hindi lang si Dominique ang naiirita at na bwi-bwisit sa fast-track promotion ko.
Almost all of the senior staff here probably felt the same way.
But what exactly was I supposed to do about it?
I was just doing my job.
I never asked for the promotion.
Hindi ko iyon hiningi.
I never flirted my way into it.
Binigay sa akin ng Don ang promotion dahil nagustuhan nya ang klase ng trabaho ko.
And to be completely fair to myself, I definitely didn’t climb my way up by acting cute around the boss gaya ng ginagawa ng ibang female staff dito.
I worked my damn ass off for it.
Professionally.
Consistently.
And yes, degree holder ako.
Proud c*m Laude, excuse me.
I got the qualifications needed.
Hindi ako reklamador about the heavy workload either.
As long as kasama sya sa working hours at parte ng pinirmahan kong kontrata, I did everything without unnecessary questions.
So whenever people said I was Sir Raphael’s favorite, I never let it get to me.
Dahil alam ko ang totoo.
Deserved ko ang posisyong ito.
They could stay bitter all they wanted.
They could whisper behind my back.
They could invent whatever stories they wanted.
Kailanman hindi ito magiging dahilan para panghinaan ako ng loob.
Isa pa, napakarami ko nang problemang iniintindi sa buhay noh.
Wala na akong oras para mag-entertain ng mga inggitera.
Especially when I had exactly one year to find a way to become a mother.