The Dreams - Day Dreams

Eric and I are eating dinner. I know he’s angry at me, but I have good reason to keep my distance from him. This wedge between us — I’m scared and devastated that I’ve lost my chance to be together. I know I need to do something to reconnect — to draw him back in. He gets up to leave and my brain is scrambling to think of something before he completely walks away. I hurriedly push my chair back and rush over, swallowing my last bite of dinner while I’m still wracking my brain with what the hell I’m going to say. “Wait!” I exclaimed, reaching out to him, attempting to close the distance. Eric pauses and turns back to me, slowly revealing the guarded and puzzled look on his face. “What do you need, Aster?” he cautiously asks, arms crossing over his chest. I note his defensive stance. “I…need…your help,” I stutter out, failing to find a convincing argument or phrase to cover up my need to distract him from leaving. Embarrassed, I glare down at the floor searching for my answers. Movement flits into my peripheral vision and I glance up, but Eric has planted himself — maybe stopped himself from closing that gap. His annoyed smirk brings the embarrassment flush to my cheeks. He scoffs, “What could I be able to help you with? Aren’t the other two more capable for you? You didn’t even pick me…” the end of his sentence ends in a grimace as he starts to turn away again. No — he needs to know! “I chose you!” I blurt out while taking a couple more steps into this cavern between us. Eric pauses, not quite turning back but listening. My outstretched hand is mere inches from touching his back. My fingers ache to caress the soft flannel of his shirt. I start again, softly, “I did, I chose you. I don’t know what the others told you, but I want you. I pick you.” My vision wells and wobbles at the vulnerable confession. Tears flood my vision as I refuse to blink and set them free. I slowly reel my hand back as a couple fat tears escape, trailing the sadness at what Eric must have felt from whatever rejection was reported to him. “It’s clear you were hurt, and I’m so sorry. That was never my intension. I just hope you can accept how I feel about you, and also what that would mean for our situation.” I can’t bear to look at his face, his reaction to my proclamation. I don’t dare let him see my hope. I desperately need his acceptance. My vision is boring a hole in the floor when his boots fill the space. A gruff hand tenderly nudges my chin up, directing me to look at him. Hope and fear line Eric’s eyes, his peppered brow is furrowed in concern. “Do you really?” We are heartbeats away from each other. He whispers hesitantly, “Did you really pick me?” His warm breath dances across my cheeks, cooling the drying streams of tears forged there. “I do. I want you,” I say with quiet urgency. My arms strain at my sides from willing them to stay when I want so badly to be wrapped around him. I frantically search his eyes for answers. Both calloused hands suddenly surround my jaw, fingers pressing into my neck as he pulls me toward his lips. Our kiss is soft and full of wonting, his gruff hands full of the desire and urgency that have filled the room. His tongue flicks my lips, requesting entry. I open my lips to him, deepening the kiss and expanding the flood gates of desire. My hands wrap around his strong torso, attempting to reach through his shirt to feel the hard body beneath. A moan escapes my throat, and Eric becomes demanding. Suddenly, we’re shuffling and I’m slammed between a wall and the wall that is Eric. Heat builds in my core as he moves his hips closer to mine, attempting to burn through our clothes through friction. My hands wander, searching for a gap that I can touch — I need to touch his skin. Eric is cupping and massaging my breast, the sensation simultaneously stimulating and relaxing. My hand finds the gap I’ve been looking for, just below his shirt. I move under and feel the waist of his briefs, my fingers grasp at his supple skin on his lower back. My nails slightly graze him and he releases a pleading moan. His moan wakes me from my stupor of desire. Eyes still closed, I place my free hand on his chest gently, my other hand not ready to break all contact yet. “I hope this promise is enough for now. I hope you know how much I would choose you and always will choose you.” Eric rests his forehead against mine, our noses touching and our panting breaths mingling. “I will do this for you,” he breathes, “because I choose you.” ********** ********** ********** ********** My heart is racing from the elation of the confirmation of Eric, and from the rush of tardiness. I know Zack appreciates timeliness, and while I’m not a scheduled person I try to accommodate him when I can. I brusquely swing open the door to the lab. Zack is facing away from me at the center lab table, focused on whatever he’s doing. I can hear the playful smirk in his voice, “You’re late.” I roll my eyes in response, “What’s new? I got distracted,” I would never lie to any of my partners but I don’t have to flagrantly flaunt them to each other. I still am measuring the extent of everyone’s boundaries. The smirk is surely on his face when he turns to me, glasses gleaming playfully in the stark lab lighting. Completely confident and at ease. This is why I chose him, I knew he would be able to accommodate sharing because he is so confident in himself and us. And I can never betray that confidence and trust. I smile broadly back at him as my heartbeat slows to a steady, strong thrum. The beat of endurance. Leaning back against the lab table, Zack opens his arms as I approach, indicating he’s not working with anything dangerous and I can touch him with his gear on. I fling my arms around his neck as he encircles his arms around my waist. “What are we doing tonight, Professor?” I ask with a wiley smile on my lips. ********** ********** ********** ********** The apartment is dark when I enter, just a couple small lamps still on for slight visibility in the dark. The crystals hanging discreetly in the window clink against each other lazily as I shut the door. I softly plop my keys in a dish by the door, and leave my shoes and bag as well. I quietly pad to the kitchen for a glass of water before heading to the bathroom to strip down for bed. I’m elated with how the day has gone, but suddenly the exhaustion is slowly creeping in. I need a shower. Or four. I turn the shower on to warm the water while I methodically drop my clothes to the floor. I take a quick glance in the large mirror as it starts to fog up before heading into the shower. I let my dark hair down and shake out the events of the day. Stepping into the shower I let the water wash over me, cleansing my skin and warming my bones. I lean my forehead against the cool wall as the heat and steam build in the stall and close my eyes. I hear the soft creak of the shower door opening and feel the fleeting rush of cold air. I sleepily open my eyes a crack and turn my head while a smile builds on my lips. “I’m sorry if I woke you,” my voice has turned deep and sensuous in my exhaustion and the steam, “I was trying to be sneaky until I crawled into bed.” Rand immediately grabs my hips and leans his hips into me. I rest my hands on his hands and make small circles with my thumb. “I was up, just reading,” Rand replies shortly. I turn immediately at his tone. “I hope you weren’t waiting up for me…I told you I had to meet both McSteamy and Zack tonight,” my brows furrow with concern causing the corners of my mouth to tug downward. Rand replies with a small smile, “I wanted to wait for you, I knew you had a busy day.” I relax a little, “Ok, well, you know I don’t like to keep you waiting unnecessarily.” My fingers start tracing the rivers of water upward on his torso. A small fire sparks in Rand’s eyes. “Would you like to practice some necessary waiting to end your night?” My heart starts to pound in anticipation. A wicked smile plays on my lips as I softly pinch one of Rand’s n*****s. He pinches one of my n*****s back, with a little more fervor, and then the other. Rand’s smile mirrors mine as he says, “Turn back around and bend over so we can get you nice and clean for your lesson.” ********** ********** ********** ********** Everything is washed in a gray light. There's definitely a floor, but there's no distinction between the ground and any possible walls. There is no horizon, and no other beings here with me. I turn and see a pinpoint of white in the gray landscape. I observe it for an hour, or a minute, or a moment. Do I start moving toward it or does it come to me? Like a desert oasis, a gathering appears and draws near. A party? I realize I'm dressed in a flowing, silk dress. Light as gossamer, black and blue as the universe, and shimmering with the thoughts of a million stars. I look up to watch the party. This is a celebration, a happy occasion. I instinctively smile at all the joy surrounding me. I see my Lovers, my partners, my happiness. They each have such immense amounts of life and love on their faces. This is a place of calm and peace. I enjoy the party for days, minutes, or years. A goblet is in my hand. Something old and well-worn, but clearly handled with great care. A toast is to be made? I raise my goblet in acknowledgement, and only three other party-dwellers do the same. Immediately, the Three lock eye contact with me. I'm frozen in my position, and everyone else disappears. I should be worried, but I feel fine. This is to be expected. The Three upend their goblets, never breaking eye contact with me. My eyes fly open. A Dream. I turn my head slowly. I'm still in bed, Rand sleeping soundly next to me. The crystals hanging in the mobile above the bed softly patter against each other, as though a hand was brushed through them. I scrunch my eyes as a soft shiver runs down my spine. My elation over the day is drained away at the realization. The Three of Cups has been revealed.