Asymptotes That Coincide

“We all think of one person from dawn until dusk and back again. Hopefully, someday... we will find our way towards that person and spin our own tales of happiness.” -Ta'amo, Taiyou No Ie I fell in love with this boy in my class, who was courting someone else. It was the first time in my whole life that someone ever confessed to me. He confessed to me right after he told the other girl that he will stop courting her. He said he was serious about me. I was overwhelmed. Little did I know, that I was giving in to my own selfishness. Yes. I am selfish. I became a selfish girl. It was the first time that the guy I liked in secret confessed to me saying, he likes me. He’s serious about his feelings. I didn’t want to waste the chance. I was worried about the other girl. I never talked to her. I just know we go to the same university. I have never seen her either. But, before he confessed, she was always our talk. Daiki complained a lot about her. Oh, I haven’t mentioned? His name is Daiki. Satsuki, Daiki. Going back to the girl, I understood her feelings. So, at some point, I had to hold myself back. I was holding myself back for some time. I denied that I got jealous when he took her out to the movies. Even if he said it was for the last time, for the sake of saying goodbye to his feelings for her, I got jealous but I denied it. The first time I got jealous was with a friend. I let my selfishness overcome me. That’s when I had trust issues. I did my best. Step by step. But in the end, he broke up with me. I was hoping that he would change his mind eventually. I was hoping that after some time he would love me again. Again, I was overwhelmed by my own selfishness. One day, he broke it off to me. He told me he likes my friend. And it hurt more that the break up did. I’ve noticed it already, but it was all too painful to accept. I had to run away. I kept running away. When he broke up with me, I didn’t know where else to go. I felt that nobody wanted to talk to me, that everyone hated me. It’s because I was selfish. I wanted Daiki to be with me all the time. I was so scared that I would end up like his previous girl, that I did a lot of awful things. In the end, I ended up like that. I have always been searching for a place where I would feel accepted; a place where there’s someone worth coming back to; a place where there’s someone who will genuinely love you and be with you. I always felt safe by Daiki’s side. Whenever he wraps his arms around me, he always made me feel secure. But, when he dumped me, I felt that I was going nowhere. I became closer to three girls. I’ve always wanted to have a social circle with all girls in it. I have always wanted to belong with these kind of people. One of them, unfortunately, Daiki was going after. I felt betrayed, even if she didn’t. But I couldn’t hold things against her because she’s very special to me. She said she only sees him as a friend, that she only offered him friendship. But Daiki, he told me, he will continue to show her that he likes her. He says, he’s serious about her. Even his manner of texting changed. He was trying to match her. Stupid. You also told me that before. I’m furious with him. I hate him for dragging her into this mess. The moment he confessed to her he already dragged her into our problem. He promised he would change, he promised he would not make a move towards my closest friends. He broke that promise. I always believed him. I wanted to be worthy of him calling me his girlfriend. But he was already far away. Until now, I still have these sentiments. How will I reach you, Daiki? If you’re not the right guy for me, why do I have to suffer seeing you make passes towards my friend? Why isn’t he coming yet? Is it possible to fall in love again with each other? Daiki. You were my best friend. You were always there to save me whenever I was having troubles with my life. I wanted to support you, but you didn’t tell me anything about the things that trouble you. I reach out to you but you avoided my hand. But for you to make passes towards my friend, you are also betraying me. I thought that after the break up, we could both at least be friends. But you also ditched that. I know I was selfish, but you didn’t give me the chance. You didn’t let me reach out to you. You closed the doors to your heart right at my face. All this pain, all this darkness... I feel like I am being thrown back to where I once was; in the dark, in my own little universe, waiting for someone to come and find me. .. again.