Growing Up

Opening up

A/N: I dedicate this to my sister (Best friend, Motivator, etc) 

So there was this boy I have liked ever since I was in the fifth grade, I was awkward and I had got bullied once but I felt hurt and disrespected. I felt that I was not good enough for anyone. One day when I was sitting in math class just like normal and my crush was looking at me consistently and I always wondered why because to me. I was not beautiful and anyway were we in math class and someone told us to not talk and suddenly I see he had pulled a piece of paper in front of me it said I like you do you like me check yes or no? I check yes because I liked him very much, and I knew someone scared him I would say no since he was giving me that nervous vibe.

So it was time for recess and I wanted to hang out with him but he could tell he was busy with his friends and so then I was on the playground in the swing when there were 4 people coming up to me (3 girls and 3 boys). I was on this thing you could swing on and every time I pass them they make do that thing with three hands that showed that I stink. I didn't like that I knew I would never have friends because they were telling rumors about me having bugs and bringing them to school because once there was a bug in one of my classes and they just assumed that it had come from me I guess but it didn't. 

They used to trip me when I was walking and that had gotten irritated but I didn't have the guts to go up to them and stand up I also didn't have the guts to tell the teacher. I thought they would just make fun of me more and I didn't like that. I also didn't enjoy being bullied.

I felt that I was alone had nothing to live for but then I remembered that I have my sister. Me and my sister are close sometimes she is like a friend I have always wanted a friendship with but I couldn't because she has friends and when I try to make the friends; She does I can't because there is no one like that at my school or we just don't click and that is something I hate. I know it's probably wrong, but she motivates me to do well and that is something she probably doesn't know because I have not said it but inside she knows it. I love her and she is the biggest and brightest person I have ever met and I am happy that I have her in my life. I need not stay in contact with anyone else in my family because to me she is the best family I have ever had, and she knows when I am sad and she knows how to make me smile without even trying (I Love You shelle. You are the best person in my life and the only thing that motivates me to do well is you even if you don't try to. You somehow know how to inspire me). 

I didn't really have friends but one my BFF (best friends forever) if you didn't know what it means. But she had friends, and I only had her. I was being bullied consistently every time at recess and I was frightened to speak up and tell someone afraid of what would they do so one day we were in the homeroom having a class discussion and they were giving me the death glare and at the end of homeroom my brother's cousin was.