Honest

thirty-nine

Giuseppe

The door shuts quietly behind her. I clench my jaw, forcing my hands together.

I will not get up. I will not go after her. I've I'll let her leave.

It feels like my heart is being torn out of chest, slowly. .

I can practically hear her steps getting further away from me. But the need to possess her, is so strong that if she stays...

I will do whatever it takes to keep her here with me. It's all I really want. I'm trying to think of things I wouldn't do, to keep her.

So far, kill my mother is the only thing on list.

And as she walks further away...

I can see it erasing itself. I can see that probability. I can see myself, stabbing my mother to keep her here.

It's a scary feeling. And it's best, that we just...we just don't.

Because it's not safe. And it's not healthy. And someone will get hurt.

Because I know she wants me too. I want her to say she wants me too.

Because she's going to-

No! I clear my mind. No.

I'm going to leave her alone. At....whatever cost. The more I see her, am around her, the more I want her.

So, if like the last three years, I avoid her entirely, then I can...

I can erase her.

(I can't erase her.)

I can move on.

(I can't move on.)

I can forget her.

(I'll never forget her.)

I sigh. If only. If only I could just...possess her. All alone, just her and me.

And she could follow me every where I go. And I can give her everything all my love. And she would be so safe under my control, if I could just...if she would just...

Let me in.

Let me have her.

Frustration wells inside me. I know that those thoughts are bad. That's probably why she can't love me.

I'm very dangerous. I can't help, it's just inside of me, and she knows it. I'm going to hurt her.

Her beautiful soul, I'd crush it to have it. But doesn't that defeat the purpose?

To shatter her, do I really keep her, or cut myself on the shards of the woman I wanted.

I'm a monster inside. And I know it. She knows it.

She should leave. She shouldn't come back. I should stay alone.

I deserve to be alone. And that's the least monstrous thing I can do.

The love I have to give it's...deadly.

I look at my hands, fisting them.

And no one deserves it. To inflict that on someone...

Well that's a true monster, isn't it?