Honest

thirty-seven

Giuseppe

I sigh, my blood buzzing, colors behind my lids bright and beautiful.

She moves, but I hold her to me.

"No," I pant, "You stay right here. You're not leaving tonight."

She pushes me, "Giuseppe-"

I stand, taking her with me, ignoring her calls. She's not leaving me tonight.

I won't let her.

I carry us to my bedroom, locking the door behind us. I stumble to the bed, laying her down.

I flop down after her, pulling her in my arms.

"Giuseppe, let me go."

And I feel crazy all of a sudden, because how can I? How can I let her go?!

"No, you stay with me tonight. Don't you dare leave."

I pull the covers over our naked bodies, locking her in my embrace, tangling our limbs.

She says nothing. "Giuseppe, you can't do this. You can't do this and feel nothing for me. I can but you can't-"

"No! It's fine! Just stay tonight."

I cup her face, connecting out foreheads. "Is it so hard to stay tonight?"

She smiles sadly. "I'm not a good person. And I'm not a good girl. And I'm not someone you should fall for."

It's too late for that now.

"I won't treat you well. I'll just hurt over and over. When things go well, I will leave. I will use you, until there's nothing left. I'll break your heart. I will tear you open to the end, the very end, Giuseppe. Do you hear me? I don't care about you. I can't. Okay? If you want someone to love you, you are looking at the wrong person."

"And that's me being honest."

I close my eyes, clenching my jaw. My eyes burn, as I force them to stay closed. I don't want to see in her eyes. The honesty in her eyes.

I just want her to lie to me. And tell me she cares. Tell me she needs me. Tell me she...

I just...

I want her to tell me she loves me even if it's a f*****g lie.

I don't care. I just want to hear her say it.

"It's okay," I whisper. "It's alright."

"It's not. And you keep this up, you're only hurting yourself. So this is your out. Tell me you love me. Tell me you care. And you will never see me again."

I open my eyes. "I love you. I care about you. And I don't know if that makes me...a genius or an i***t. But either way, I don't care."

She wrestles away from me, but I just draw her back.

"And you're gonna know that. Because I won't lie to you. I will always be honest with you. I hate liars. But if you...if you want to lie to me, that's okay."

I bury my face in her neck. "Let's just sleep, Desiree."

She puts her hand in my hair. "This one time, I'll stay."

"Just this once."

Now that's the type of lies I like to hear from her beautiful mouth.