Idol

2. Background check

Over my week-long sick leave I try to catch up on Jin-ah's history. I watch videos from her concerts, interviews, I read a lot of articles and I look through fanbases. I even set up a Twitter to follow a few accounts posting about her. There's one fanpage I particularly like, because its admin seems to be very considerate and always reminds other fans to respect Jin-ah's privacy.

After I met Ms. Cha, Jin-ah's manager, we signed a contract. Ms. Cha was against it, but Jin-ah insisted and they ended up hiring me immediately, starting the same day. And they have made me take a sick leave right away. They haven't given me any tasks, but I still feel I should do something to prepare for the job, so here I am, doing my research.

I start with watching Shooting Stars' debut performance, I watch all of their MVs, I binge their interviews and fanmade "Get to know the girls" videos.

Shooting Stars debuted on 17th of March 2014. The group had six members.

The oldest member was Kim Kyung-ja, nicknamed Cutie, born on 11th of July 1995. She was a vocalist with a very high-pitched voice. She had long hair dyed blond or light pink and she usually wore frilling skirts and fluffy sweaters. A lot of fans praised her aegyo, saying she was the best at it.

Oh Sa-rang was born on 29th of May 1996. She was a rapper and in a lot of interviews she mentioned writing her own texts, but she said it wasn't good enough for public eyes yet. She was the only Shooting Stars member who always had her hair short and she changed the hair colour most often.

Then there was Park Young-ae, Sa-rang's age-mate. She was born on 3rd of October 1996. She was the group's leader. She was often referred to as the girls' mom, because she cared about them like a mother would. She was a vocalist and she was very skilled at dancing.

Park Jin-ah was up next age-wise. She was born on 23rd of February 1997. She was a vocalist. She played the piano and the guitar too. When Shooting Stars first debuted, she seemed the most stressed out of all the members during interviews and other girls often joked about how shy she was.

Lee Mi-ran was often mentioned as the most beautiful member of Shooting Stars. She was born on 7th of August 1998. She was a rapper, but she could sing too. Dancing on the other hand was her Achilles' heel and she complained about difficult choreographies a lot. She was famous for her aegyo just like Kyung-ja.

The group's maknae was Choi Da-hye, born on 27th of March 1999. She was a rapper but her forte was dancing. She used to train ballet as a kid, then she switched to modern dance and breakdance. In her dancing solos she used elements from all of these styles.

All of the Shooting Stars songs' theme was teenage love. Their music videos were light-hearted and cute. They often performed in costumes resembling school uniforms.

I watch an interview in which girls were asked about their dreams. First goes Cutie.

"I want our fans to love us." And she makes a finger heart.

"I want to learn how to dance in different styles. I've been interested in Latin dances lately." Says Da-hye.

"Would it look good in our MVs?" Asks Young-ae.

"It definitely would. You should try it." Says the interviewer. "And how about you, Young-ae?"

"Hmm... I would like to take the girls out and buy them something delicious."

"I want samgyeopsal! That's my dream." Shouts Mi-ran.

"And I want ice-cream. Mint and chocolate." Says Sa-rang.

The interviewer turns to the only member who has not answered yet.

"Park Jin-ah, what's your dream?"

Jin-ah blushes and shakes her head. "I... don't know."

Young-ae hugs Jin-ah and Cutie ruffles her hair.

"That's our shy girl." She says.

In another interview the girls are asked to point to the member who best fits the description.

"Who's most likely to mess up their lines?"

Jin-ah and Sa-rang point to themselves, Kyung-ja and Da-hye point to each other, Young-ae points to Kyung-ja and Mi-ran chooses Sa-rang.

"Who always eats other people's snacks?"

The votes are evenly split between Sa-rang and Mi-ran.

"And who always buys food for everyone?"

All of the girls point to Young-ae.

I spend four days just watching their videos from years 2014-2016. I've never been into idols, but seeing their adorable interactions with fans and cute bickering among themselves, I now get why people enjoy it so much. And I see how much work it requires to be able to perform these complicated choreographies while singing live, yet they look like they're doing it effortlessly.

But then I decide it's time to move on. I search for articles about Park Young-ae's suicide.

When I started looking into it, I felt like it's the right thing to do to prepare for my job. But now I feel like I might be trespassing, invading Jin-ah's privacy. After all she's not just an idol to me, I've met her personally and I am about to keep meeting her. All that information is out there, available for everyone, but it still seems personal. I feel bad just digging into the darkest period of her life.

So I take a break. I ditch my research and go out for a day. I go to look at some clothes. I'm not sure what I should wear for the job. When I worked at the boutique we had polo shirts with the shop's logo on it, but I guess an idol's assistant doesn't get a uniform.

I think about assistants in dramas. They usually wear something smart. But then, I am not an assistant to a politician or a big company's CEO. I don't think I've ever seen people around idols wearing suits. Since Jin-ah is a pop-star, maybe I should dress fashionably? She definitely does. Or should I try to stay out of sight as much as possible? I should wear all black, plain clothes. And a facemask, and a beanie. Or would I be too intimidating then?

It's best to be prepared for every possibility, I guess. I do own some plain black clothes, so I don't need to buy any more of those. As for fashionable... I'm not sure if my fashion sense is good enough, but I have some of the clothes I purchased while working in the boutique so I think it could do. The only style I wouldn't be able to pull off with any of my clothes is "smart". I haven't been wearing this kind of clothes for a while and I got rid of all of my old coat and skirts. I sold them to get some extra change.

I should probably buy some from a second-hand store, but it won't hurt to take a look at the expensive ones first. Just to get some inspiration. So I go to a mall.

I swipe through the clothes in one of the shops and I find one pencil skirt I really want to try on, so I head to the fitting rooms. In front of one of them I see someone I didn't expect to meet again so soon. I want to pass by her without making eye contact, but she notices me anyway.

"Ms. Jeon?"

I try to act as I didn't see her, feigning surprise.

"Ms. Cha. Good afternoon."

I suddenly regret coming here. This woman is very intimidating. My first meeting with her wasn't pleasant and I'm sure she's unhappy with Jin-ah's decision to hire me.

"I'll go try that on." I say showing her the skirt, hoping it's an appropriate excuse to leave. Luckily at the same time the door in front of Ms. Cha opens slightly and a child's voice calls from the inside.

"Mom, zip me up."

We bow our heads at each other and each of us enters a fitting room.

---

Jin-ah's manager came into the hospital room and without any greeting she just eyed me up and turned to Jin-ah.

"I don't like that, Jinnie."

Jin-ah sighed.

"Ye-bin, it's Cha Eun-byeol, my manager. Eonnie, it's Jeon Ye-bin, my new assistant. Did you bring the contract?"

I bowed to Ms. Cha, but she refused to acknowledge my presence. She crossed her arms and stared straight at Jin-ah.

"We need to talk."

Jin-ah sent an apologetic look my way, she took Ms. Cha by the arm and she proceeded to lead her out of the room.

"Let's talk outside."

They returned after what seemed like an eternity. Ms. Cha walked up to me and handed me a contract and a pen. Her expression was still hostile though.

"Try not to get drunk on the job and don't cause Jin-ah anymore problems."

---

When I leave the fitting room she's still standing there. She smiles at me.

"Are you getting this?" She asks, pointing to the skirt I'm holding. I shake my head.

"If you're looking for clothes for work, you don't need to. What you're wearing now is fine."

I look down at my old jeans, sneakers and the "Lord of the Rings" t-shirt. She's acting nice, so I expect it to be a trap. I can't think of anything to say.

"Our first meeting wasn't the nicest. I'm sorry. I was just worried about Jin-ah." She continues.

I kick my heels for a while and I clean my throat.

"I promise to do my best. I won't disappoint you." I say firmly, bowing.

"No, really." She interrupts. "I'm sorry. You don't have to be so formal with me. Let's get on well from now on."

I give her a weary look. I don't know what to think about it. But right here, in front of the fitting rooms in a mall, she does look less intimidating than in the hospital.

Then a little girl walks out of the fitting room in front of Ms. Cha. She seems about ten years old. She's wearing a black skirt and a white shirt. She's pulling at her collar.

"I don't like it, mommy." She pouts.

Ms. Cha squats in front of her.

"Did you like the dress better?"

The girl nods and Ms. Cha smiles. Now she looks like a nice person.

"We'll take the dress then, okay?" The girl nods again and Ms. Cha shows her back inside the fitting room. "Change back to your clothes and we'll go meet daddy and Mun-hee."

The girl locks the door and Ms. Cha turns back to me.

"It's my daughter, Choon-hee. We're getting her clothes for her violin recital next week."

"How old is she?"

"Eight. I have one more, she's five. Mun-hee."

I nod, not really knowing how to keep the conversation going. Luckily Ms. Cha frees me from the misery.

"I won't sit on you anymore. See you after your sick leave is over."

We say our goodbyes, I take the skirt back to the rack I took it from and I leave the shop. I decide to go with Ms. Cha's advice and not buy any new clothes.

On my way back home, on the bus, my thoughts return to Shooting Stars' history. I think I should look through everything. When I will be working with Jin-ah, I might be present during interviews when she'll get asked about it. It's better to know what I can expect.

When I'm home, I watch the press conference where Sa-rang and Kyung-ja talked about the abuse. They said only the three oldest members were subject to it and the younger girls didn't even know about it. They said it lasted for a while but they were afraid to speak up. Only after Park Young-ae took her life, other girls felt like they couldn't keep quiet anymore.

I watch interviews with the managers and CEOs who claimed the accusations were false or exaggerated. And then their apologies published after the conviction was passed by the court. I read through the comments under articles about it. There is a lot of death threats for the convicts, but the girls didn't escape criticism either. Some people say they had it coming, some other comment on how weak they were for not reporting the crime earlier. Some even blame Young-ae's bandmates for her death. It is disgusting. I can't even imagine how Jin-ah and other members felt, when they read it, and I am sure they have. Obviously there's a lot more supportive comments. People asked if the girls were going to keep making their great music. Other people assured it's fine if they didn't want to anymore.

When Jin-ah, Da-hye and Mi-ran started Superwomen, the response was diverse, too. A lot of people showed their support and said how happy they were about it. But there were also others who condemned them. Some said they were insensitive, continuing their careers after what happened to their bandmates. Some commented it was heartsickening to see their faces after what happened and they should live their lives quietly now, without getting on anyone's nerves.

All this negative feedback is probably what caused Superwomen to disband. Choi Da-hye gave up on stardom entirely, she moved to Jeju and started a dance academy for children. Lee Mi-ran became an actress. She has starred in about ten dramas as a supporting actress ever since and she has just gotten her first leading role. Jin-ah is the only one who is still making music. But she has to keep dealing with the same thing.

Even after all these years she still has interviewers ask her whether she really didn't know what was happening to Young-ae, Sa-rang and Kyung-ja. They keep asking where Sa-rang and Kyung-ja are.

I try to find any information about them, but ever since the trial nothing is certain. People assume they went abroad. There are some alleged pictures of them from Philippines or Canada, but they don't look convincing. Both of the girls have been avoiding public attention.

I drop my research and just listen to Jin-ah's music. At first I thought it's not really my style, but the longer I listen the more I like it. She has a beautiful voice and the lyrics of her songs are all meaningful.

I also watch her interviews. I can see her journey from the shy teenager to the confident woman she is now. I guess I am becoming her fan. I can't wait to meet her again.