Idol

I notice it one second too late. I am already on the road, when I see the car approaching. My head is spinning, my ears are ringing and my heart goes up to my throat. I am frozen. In the milliseconds before the car hits me a million thoughts runs through my mind. I think I should move out of the way. But my body won't budge. And then my legs don't touch the ground anymore. I am in the air. And then I fall. I listen to the ringing in my ears and I'm trying to blink the fog away. A woman's voice tries to break through to my consciousness. I can see her face hovering above me. I finally manage to move. I try to get up. "Are you okay? Should I call the ambulance?" The woman asks, as she supports me when I stand up. I stare at her and blink. I can't remember how to talk suddenly. "Or I'll just drive you to the hospital, okay? It'll be faster this way." I'm still not sure what has just happened, but I nod, hoping she would stop asking difficult questions at last. She leads me to her car and helps me get in. I am feeling really tired. But when I start to zone off, the woman doesn't let me. "Don't fall asleep. Just hold up a bit. We're almost there." She keeps talking. "What's your name?" I do my best to concentrate. I clear my throat twice before I finally manage to answer. "Ye-bin... I am... Jeon Ye-bin." I suddenly see something red on my arm. "You're doing great, Ye-bin. I'm Park Jin-ah. Keep talking to me. How old are you?" I stare at the red thing on my arm. "I am..." I pause, when a realisation hits me. "Am I bleeding?" "A little bit. Don't worry, we're almost there." I frown, trying to remember. Trying to figure what she's talking about. "Where?" I utter. "At the hospital. Just a minute more." I turn to her and take a closer look at her. She's watching the road, tense expression on her face. I think she's speeding. She might get a ticket for it. Then I realise something else. "Wait... Did you just... hit me with your car?" She snaps her eyes to me, but she turns her attention back to the road right away. "Yes." She says almost emotionlessly. "Then... Why am I not dead?" She sighs and returns to the soft, calming tone she was speaking in before. "You're not going to die. I'll get you to a hospital in a second. You're going to be fine." I believe her. I relax. She stops the car and gets out. I blink wondering where she's going. Then she opens the door on my side. "We're here." She says. "Wait a second." She looks around for a while and she calls some people over. They pick me up. I feel dizzy again. I can't really fight it anymore, so I drift off. I am not sure what happens next. --- When I woke up in the morning today I thought I was doing fine. I hoped I can finally leave my past behind and start a new life here in Seoul. A week ago the manager of the boutique I was working at promised me he would finally hire me for a permanent position today. We were going to sign the new agreement after my shift. It was not my dream job, I haven't wanted to work there since childhood. But after all the disappointments it was nice to find a place I could fit in, a place to stay for a while and get a little bit of stability. The manager seemed like a nice guy, the pay was decent, my co-workers were friendly and I got a discount on all the clothes here. I hoped I could stop worrying about my future. Maybe I could even prove to my parents that I'm not a failure; that I won't go down in flames. But like always, it was all just an illusion. I am a failure. I can't have nice things. I can't even have passable things. I have always been delusional, thinking I can survive on my own. And in the end I will go down in flames. --- I wake up in a hospital bed. I feel weird, my body is sore, my head is hurting and my mouth is dry. There is no-one here. I look at the heplock inserted in my arm and for a second I think about all the people in movies who pull it out themselves before venturing off from their hospital rooms. But I think I'll have to pass. It doesn't seem like a reasonable thing to do. I think I can take the IV stand with me instead and use it for support as well. I get up slowly and limp towards the door. When I am about to open it, I hear voices from the outside. "You don't have to cover her hospital bills. She was blind drunk when she got here. No judge would tax you with the accident." I hear a male voice say. "It's fine." A woman replies, and I recognize her as the one who brought me here. "Just treat her to the best of your abilities and I'll pay." I think they might walk in any moment, so I go back to bed. Indeed the door opens soon and a doctor comes. "You're up, I see. How are you feeling?" He asks with a smile which doesn't suit the things I just heard him say. "Okay. What happened?" "You have a mild concussion, some scrapes and bruises, but it's nothing serious. The car wasn't going fast and the driver saw you and tried to brake, so you were lucky. If you don't mind, we'll have some more tests and I can let you out today. Just rest at home for a couple of days and don't strain yourself." I nod to this, the doctor runs a quick check-up and leaves. Before he shuts the door behind him I see the woman's face peeking inside from the hall. I think she looks familiar. I haven't noticed it before, but she really does. I try to remember if she's from my law school. But I don't think so. What did she say was her name again? Park Mi-na? Ji-na? I look around the room and find my backpack on a chair next to the bed. I take my phone out and I google a couple of names that I think of. And then I find her. Park Jin-ah. I look through the images that pop out and I am almost sure it's her. There's the dark blue poster with her face on it, advertising her concert that happened last week. This poster was on a bus stop in front of the boutique I work at. Correction. A boutique I used to work at - I remember. That's why she seems so familiar. I open the Wikipedia page about her. Park Jin-ah is a South Korean singer and songwriter. She debuted in 2014 in a girl group Shooting Stars. After one of the members, Park Young-ae, committed suicide and some of the other members opened about the abuse they experienced from their managers and CEOs, the group disbanded in 2016. In 2017 Park Jin-ah, Lee Mi-ran and Choi Da-hye (two other former Shooting Stars members) started a trio Superwomen under a different label, but they disbanded after releasing only one album. Park Jin-ah has been pursuing a solo career since. Her most successful song is "Breakable", a tribute to Park Young-ae. I search for my headphones to listen to "Breakable", but I hear a knock on the door. I hide my phone under the duvet quickly. "Come in." I expected a doctor or a nurse, but in comes Park Jin-ah. "Are you okay?" She asks. "Why are you still here?" I say at the same time and I only realize it sounds a bit hostile afterwards. "I mean, don't you have better things to do?" I correct quickly, but it's not any better. She must see how abashed I am, because she smiles at me comfortingly. "Not really. I just wanted to make sure you're going to be fine." I am still thinking about what I just read, so I blunder out: "You are the Park Jin-ah, aren't you? The idol." She just nods. "I'm sorry I didn't recognize you earlier. It's just that I'm not a fan... I mean, I don't dislike your music, I'm just not interested... I mean... I know you're famous..." Wow, I am really not doing myself any favours. But she laughs. "It's fine. I'm not offended when someone doesn't recognize me. Besides, you were busy bleeding on my car seat." "Oh, sorry about that. Is your car okay?" I blurt out before I think again. "And are you okay?" I add quickly. "Much better than you." She suddenly looks worried and she's eyeing me like she's afraid I might pass out again. "If you feel unwell just call the doctor. You don't have to worry about the hospital fees, I'll cover it." "It's my fault. I'll repay you for everything. I was drunk..." I mutter. "In the middle of the day?" Jin-ah says accusingly, but she corrects herself quickly. "Sorry, that was rude. I shouldn't judge you and it's none of my business." "Funny that it's coming from you, somebody whose business everyone is always in and who keeps getting judged for everything." "That's exactly why. I just know how it feels to not want to talk about something when everybody keeps asking." I imagine the abuse must come up in a lot of interviews. That's not something the media would let go of easily. "Don't worry, that's not the case for me. Actually, it's the opposite." I decide to settle on honesty. "What do you mean?" "No-one ever asks me anything. I can't talk about anything even if I need to." "So tell me. I'll listen." She takes me by surprise. She really does seem genuine. But I feel bad again. "Oh no, I don't want to waste your time anymore. I've already wasted enough of it. Don't worry, you don't owe me anything. And I'll never tell anyone about the accident, you won't get in trouble, I promise." Jin-ah looks at me for a while like she's contemplating something and finally she shrugs. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I actually came here to give you this." She hands me a business card. I stare at it, studying her name, phone number and e-mail written on it. "Thank you." I say. "Why are you inspecting it so closely? I promise it's not fake." I shake my head. "Aren't people expected to pay attention to gifts, when they get them?" "That's just a business card, not a gift." I blush. "It has your phone number on it, so it's almost as if you wanted me to call you, and that's a gift." Jin-ah giggles softly. "You're quite adorable." I must be as red as beetroot now. "I do want you to call me. If heaven forbid there are any further issues and you need some help. Or if news outlets find out about it somehow and they search you out. Just give me a call before you make any rash decisions. If you need more medicine just ask me for money. No need to be considerate." "I'm not the one being too considerate. You don't have to worry about any of these, just have me sign something and you can leave." "I didn't mean to insult you." "I'm not insulted. I really mean it when I say you're too considerate." She bites her lip and ponders something for a while. "Okay then. Let me be inconsiderate for a moment and ask about it, 'cause I'm really curious." "About what?" "Why did you get wasted like that and why did you walk in front of my car? Did you really not see it?" I'm stunned for a second. "You think I was trying to kill myself?" She's looking at me with a serious expression. I feel guilty again. I think about what I read about her. I must have triggered her trauma. "I promise that's not it. I was just too drunk and I didn't see where I was going. I'm fine. Don't worry." She's not letting her guard down. "You don't seem fine." I sigh. "I got fired today. Some money was taken from the cash register and it got blamed on me because I was a newbie. The manager said I should be grateful he's not making me pay it back. I used to think he was a nice person..." I raise my eyes to Jin-ah's face, but I can't read her expression. "I didn't take this money, I promise!" She shakes off the seriousness and smiles at me again. "I believe you. So you were drinking because you lost your job, right?" "Yeah. Maybe I'm dumb, but it's really serious for me. I don't know how I'm going to pay the next month's rent if I don't find another job quickly." I realize I'm probably scaring her again, so I add "But I'm going to be okay, it's not the end of the world." "So you're unemployed now..." She trails. I can almost see the cogs turning in her head. I'm a bit concerned what she's trying to come up with. "How about you work for me? I could use an assistant." I just gape at her because I have no way of saying whether she's kidding or not. She stares back at me and the silence is getting too awkward, so I decide to play it out with a joke. "Do you always recruit people by hitting them with your car?" Jin-ah laughs. But then she shakes her head. "I am serious. Please work for me." "I'm sorry, it just seems too good to be true. Considered how we met, I would never hire myself if I were you." "Is that a no?" "No!" I cry out. "I mean, it's not. Not a no. So yes. I'd love to. Thank you. But... what is the job exactly?" "What do assistants do? Just come with me wherever I go, help me carry my stuff, make me coffee, make some of the phone calls for me... I know it's not a very ambitious job, but I promise to not be a b***h, so hopefully you can enjoy it." "Yes, I'll love it. Thank you so much." "Cool, I'll ask my manager to bring a contract over so we could sign it." "Right now?" Every time I think she can't surprise me any more, she finds a way. "Why not?" She shrugs but then she becomes serious again. "Or do you need more time to consider it?" "Hell no. I don't want you to change your mind in the meantime." I am really being too honest with that girl. What if I come to regret it later? Jin-ah chuckles and takes her phone out. "Hi, eonnie. I think I should hire an assistant, what do you say? --- Oh, I already have someone in mind. --- I'll explain when you get here. Bring a printed out contract with you, okay? --- I'm in..." She stops the conversation and opens the door to the hall. "Excuse me, what's the name of this hospital?" She gets a reply from someone outside and she shuts the door again. "It's Soonchunhyang University Hospital." She says to the phone. "No, nothing happened to me. I'm okay. --- No, don't worry. Just... --- Just come over and I'll explain, okay? --- Okay, see you, call me when you get here." She hangs up and smiles at me again. "And now we wait."