Finally

Chapter 13 - Quitting

The sun is shining and I tilt my face to catch the warm rays. I breathe in the fresh air as I walk back home to my apartment.

The apartment I got when I moved back to London was pure luck. I looked everywhere that I could afford but found a new build that was fully furnished at an affordable price.

It’s small, with one bedroom, a bathroom and an open plan living area, but has everything I need. It’s close to a tube station and best of all it’s close to Ealing Common which is a beautiful green park. My walks in the park have really helped my mental state lately.

I’m all out of soup and rice so I head to the local supermarket to stock up. I’m craving mushroom soup badly, but the brand I like best is on the top shelf. I’m average height, but even on tip toes I can’t quite reach it. I jump up to try to grab it, but I tip it over and it slips from my grip. The carton falls and as my reflexes fail all I can do is close my eyes and wait for the impact and the impending mess.

But there is no impact and no mess. When I open my eyes cautiously, there’s a man standing next to me with the carton in his hand holding it out to me.

“Lucky I was there to save your soup,” he grins. His bright blue eyes twinkling at me.

He looks about my age with short blonde hair and stubble which makes his baby face look more manly. He’s quite attractive and his smile lights up his whole face.

“Thanks,” I say embarrassed that he saw my poor attempt at catching it.

“No worries, anything for a beautiful lady,” he grins.

Oh he’s smooth.

I take the soup and drop it in my basket then I walk away to the next aisle. We keep bumping into each other as we shop and it’s almost no surprise when I see him at the bus stop when I get there.

“Are you following me?” He asks cheekily.

“No! It’s pure coincidence I swear!” 

“Because I wouldn’t mind if you were,” he replies with a raised eyebrow.

I blush and look down, it’s been a while since someone came on to me like this.

“I’m Sam,” he says still grinning like an i***t.

“Zara,” I reply.

“Nice to meet you. I don’t normally do this but I feel fate is trying to tell us something so would you like to have dinner with me some time?”

I consider it for a few seconds and then think, why not? He saved me from being covered in soup and he is attractive.

“Sure, why not,” I decide.

He hands me his phone and asks me to type my number in and says he’ll message me to arrange it. Just then his bus arrives so I finish typing and he waves goodbye from the bus window.

So now I’m back up to three possible friends with benefits.

I head home and eat the mushroom soup Sam saved me from being covered in and wonder if he will call. I don’t have to wonder for long as my phone lights up with a message from an unknown number.

Hi, it’s Sam we met earlier. Fancy that dinner this weekend? X

I already have my date with Dan on Saturday but Sunday is clear. It’s a strange day to have a date but maybe he’s free.

Hi. I’m busy Saturday but Sunday is ok. X

He replies instantly.

Sunday is good. How about the tapas place on the high street? I can lick you up about 7pm? X

Lick?! I laugh out loud. Three dots show he’s typing again.

PICK you up!!!! Damn autocorrect!

He replies with an embarrassed emoji. I reply with a laughing emoji.

LOL. I know where it is, I’m happy to meet you there. 7:30? X

See you there sexy. X

Sexy huh? If he thinks I’m sexy in jeans and a t-shirt with no make up I can’t wait for him to see me dressed up.

I meet Michelle again on Thursday and we talk about me moving back to London.

“Why did you decide to move back to the city? You’ve told me why you moved away but not why you came back here,” she enquires.

“Both Adam and I studied here and we both talked about moving back. I wanted to face my demons and progress in my career and he wanted to do more with his music and there are more opportunities for him here,” I explain.

Flashback

“I’m so sick of their s**t,” Adam yells. “They are all happy to be this part time band who does this for a hobby, but this is real for me. They’re holding me back and I want to be big, I need to move back to London to stand a chance of that.”

“I know what you mean, I’m only ever going to be a construction researcher if I stay here. Plus I’m sick of running away from my problems, if I’m ever going to make a success of my career I also need to think about moving back,” I agree.

“Why don’t we do this together?” He suggests excitedly.

“That’s a great idea, we could get a place together and push each other to get where we want to be,” I suggest.

“We should both hand in our notice at work as soon as possible then and start looking,” he says.

“Ok, when?” I ask.

“Monday morning?”

“Ok, great. Let’s look for a place this weekend and then do it first thing Monday,” I say.

I’m so excited by this idea. I’ll be moving back to the city I used to love with the man I adore. If I can’t do this now, with him I’ll never do it.

I spend the rest of the week researching flats and I’ve shortlisted seven by the weekend. I show him all of them and he agrees to view four of them so I set up appointments for the following weekend.

Monday morning arrives and I’ve typed my resignation letter and made an appointment with HR. I enter the room and give the HR manager my letter.

“I’m sorry we’re going to lose you, but I wish you every success for the future Zara. You’re a great journalist and you’ll get a good reference from us,” she says.

“Thank you. That means a lot I reply,” letting out a deep breath.

I’ve only been here eleven months and I’d planned to stay a lot longer, but the whirlwind that is Adam Williams changed all that and now I’m ready to go back and start getting over the attack and focus on my career.

I sit back down at my desk and email Adam to tell him the deed is done. He seems busy though and doesn’t reply.

I’d already booked viewings the following weekend at the four apartments he said he liked. By Friday afternoon I’ve now also booked a hotel room so we’re all set. We haven’t seen each other much this week even at work and I’m worried about not having firm plans so I text him.

Hey gorgeous, what’s the plan for the viewings tomorrow? X

He replies an hour later.

I can’t this weekend baby, we’ve got a gig booked last minute. You go and tell me what you think though, I’ll go view whichever you think works best next week. X

What the f**k? I’ve planned this alone and booked everything and now I’m going alone.

I go in the end and I do the viewings and stay in the hotel alone. It’s so strange to be looking for our first home together without him. I come back with my heart set on one in particular and I meet up with him to discuss it all.

I’m gushing about the apartment hoping to get him onboard and share in the excitement, but he seems uninterested.

“I don’t think I can do this baby,” he says quietly.

“What? You can’t do what?” I ask confused.

 “This,” he replies not meeting my eyes. “Moving in together, London, everything.”

“What?! We quit our jobs! Why didn’t you tell me you were having cold feet before?” I ask trying my best to stay calm but my blood is boiling and I feel sick.

“Errr... actually I didn’t,” he almost whispers.

“You didn’t what?” I ask firmly. I want to know now what the hell is going on.

“I didn’t quit,” he says finally, still not looking at me as the ground disappears from under me and I feel myself falling into an abyss.