Sense My Silent Alpha's Heart

Chapter 8

Gideon’s POV.

I’d imagined kissing her several times. Imagined what she’d taste like every time she parted those lips to speak or was it all the times she’d look up at me like a cute little bear?

Yet nothing would’ve prepared me for this— the way she tasted. Addictive, dangerous. Like madness mixed with sin. I lost control, driven with the need to possess every inch of her. I didn’t want to let go of her. I didn’t want to break this kiss. She was mine. My mate.

The thought of it—- that she was my mate sent me tumbling into a dark place. A memory. One that still haunted me every night. I shouldn’t be doing this with her.

I shouldn’t be touching her, kissing her or feeling this intense urge and image of having her beneath me with my c**k buried deep inside her warm folds but I was.

I remembered my father and his mate. And what he’d done to my mother. The image of her lying in the pool of her own cold blood planted itself into my mind and remained.

I broke the kiss abruptly, staggering back, hearing the disapproval of my wolf, fighting the urge to pull her close and resume what we were doing.

She looked at me with big glossy eyes, still glazed with desire and arousal, lips still parted and swollen from my kiss, chest heaving quickly, our heavy breathing colliding and she was staring as if asking if she’d done something wrong but I found myself only taking another step back.

We shouldn’t have done that. The thought must’ve showed in my expression because I saw the pain in her eyes before I turned around and left her there, all alone in my study.

I hurried to my room, ignoring Kael who blocked my way and was saying something to me I couldn’t hear over the chaos in my own heart.

I got to my room and shut the door to his face, breathing heavily. I reached for my shirt and started undoing the buttons until they came off. I did the same for my pants, slipped into the washroom and got under the shower.

I closed my eyes, taking a long drag of breath as I tried to force my body to forget her touch. The way she’d held my face, the way she’d returned my kiss with sizzling passion and the way she’d looked at me with eyes that seemed to have the ability to make me melt.

This f*****g bond!

The rush of blood to my c**k had me gasping. The cold shower did nothing to ease the tension in my body.

She was my mate, but I could not have her. Not when I was like this. Not when the thought of a mate still makes me feel dread. Or was it fear?

Fear that I’d turn out like my father.

I tried to force thoughts about him out of my head but it won’t just go away and the throbbing in my c**k won’t stop either.

I imagined her on her knees, in the shower with me, taking my manhood in her tiny little hands. I threw my head back with a grunt as I stroked myself. Imagined it was her doing it.

Imagined she had me all in her mouth. Imagined she could take me down her throat. My strokes became faster and the pleasure made my toes curl.

And when I imagined her tongue stroking over the pink flesh of my c**k, it seemed to do the trick as a release had me letting out a sharp breath. I stood under the shower for several long minutes before I finally picked up a towel and cleaned myself.

A knock came on the door and I didn’t need to check to know it was Kael. When I opened the door though, he barged in looking furious.

“What did you do to her?” He demanded, pushing me away.

I frowned and then reached for a notepad and quickly wrote to him.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about. I made her come after you to help you calm down after you tried to kill Wilfred but you made her cry and now she won’t even talk to me.”

I pursed my lips, knowing that was absolutely my fault. I’d left her there like that, without a word, moments after kissing her.

Fuck! I was an i***t.

I didn’t think she’d cry because of that. Because of me.

Selfish bastard. I was only thinking about myself again.

My fingers curled into tight fists and Kael’s gaze softened when he saw me like that.

“Something did happen right?” He asked again, softly this time as if he was treading through forbidden territory.

“Was it that memory again. Did she make you think of father?”

I didn’t answer that. I turned away from him and walked into my closet to pick up clothes but he followed stubbornly.

“You know you’d have to deal with it. She’s your mate now. You have to accept her. She’s the only one who can help you forget.”

Forget? I chuckled internally.

There was no way I’d forget that horrible memory of my mother in a pool of her own blood, dead, by the blade of my own father.

That memory was seared into my mind. I have nightmares about it every goddamn night and he thought I could just… forget?

I did not bother to reply to him as I dressed up.

“Where are you going?” He asked, a look of resignation across his first and I picked up the notepad again and replied.

“For a drive. I need to clear my head.”

Or perhaps I just wanted to stop thinking about the dark haired woman that happened to be my mate and how her body had felt so right in my arms like she f*****g belonged there.