Chapter 42: SearchingMy hands shook as I turned off the shower. I couldn’t trust anything or understand what had happened in the field, but in the dark earth, something had come to light. I’d emerged different, and the beliefs, ideas and truths I’d once known now were replaced with anxious anticipation. Carefully, I got out of the shower and stared at my reflection in bathroom mirror.
“You…” I touched the glass. “Man, you lost it.” I poked myself in the chest, feeling flesh, seeing it give to the pressure. “You’re f*****g weak. No guts.” I pushed harder, felt bone. Nothing compared to the darkness. It—whatever it was—could snap bone, tear flesh, steal breath. That day in the bed, pinned like a beetle, moth…
Nothing.
“Weak.”
I could have stayed covered in mud and muck for eternity and i
