Lost in his embrace

Chapter 6.1

“I have to put some clothes on.” The thought of my parents catching me naked with Tyler, makes me cringe and hide for my life. Even though I locked the door, the thought is still unsettling. the temperature inside the room seems to drop at freezing point that I already can't count in my head how many times I got shiver up and down my spine in just the course of a minute.

“Don't.” I stare at his warm palm above my cold hand; the combination feels weirdly amazing. I knit my eyebrows as I notice a subtle cuts adjacent to the ring that I gave to him last month but he immediately takes his hand off when he realises where my eyes are looking. I draw in a breath before I look at him with creases between my eyebrows; confused about what he meant by 'Don't' and worried about the cuts.

He clears his throat, looks away and says, “I mean, be fast.” I move out of the bed. Once again, my steps feel heavy as I walk towards the closet. My back faces him, so I don't know what he does. Perhaps, he's staring at my back, thinking I just found out what he did in the past few days and where he went but no; I still have no idea even in the slightest. I wish I could just enter his mind and rummage through every single information about him in the past few days. Those subtle cuts don't help at all; They just add up to my confusion, worry, and stress.

When I was a child, I wondered how it feels to be able to read minds—I wondered if it is good or a bad thing but I guess it's more on a bad thing. Mind reading is terrifying because usually truth really hurts and who wants to be hurt? No one. Even those people who are constantly hurt. My mind wonders about those masochist people. Do they really love the feeling of being in pain? Am I in still in pain? If ever some people really have a power to read minds, I wonder if they could endure all the truth beneath all the lies. I can't blame those people who yearn for truth either, sometimes truth sets hearts free even if it's the most painful truth.

I'm caught off guard when Tyler slips his arms around my waist. The unexpected contact of his arms across my bare body gives me a tingling sensation and it slowly spreads inside my system. I don't know if I could resist the irresistible temptation. What about to occur is something I least expected today, especially on this kind of situation that we're currently facing.

I haven't put any clothes yet so his hands that hang above my torso make my heart ascend in my throat. I did not feel his presence walk towards me nor his steps. “I meant it when I said don't put any clothes on,” he whispers in my ear. I think I know what triggers him; It may sound weird but he has told me a lot of times that my back is something that really turns him on. I bursted out laughing the first time I heard it and he just gave me a death glare as though I insulted him. I couldn't help it. It sounded—sounds really weird. “Not just yet until I'm done with what I'm about to do with you.” before I can process what he has just said, I feel his warm hand go down. It slowly goes deeper until it reaches the most sensitive spot of my body.

I can't help but swallow really hard.

Everything we are doing right now is new. Him alone in my room is new and making love with him in my room is definitely new. I remember when we first made love. It was my first time to have s*x with a man and honestly speaking, I did not enjoy the most part when he first entered my hole. Yes, It was utterly painful and I couldn't understand how it had become pleasurable to some not until we made it the second time. I know it sounds weird telling this but I just can't help it. Everytime we do something in a place that we haven't been to, Like right now in my room, our first ever memory will always surface in my mind.

***

I stare at his bare chest, finding it amusing the way it goes up and down every time he breathes. Tyler is now fast asleep and his clothes are just lay strewn across the floor. Now, I'm the one with clothes on while he's the one who's naked. I decide to get off the bed and pick his clothes from the floor; his boxer went beneath the bed. I don't know we were that wild earlier.

I put them beside him in case he wakes up. I just realised his T-shirt is brand new, even his pants. I mean there's nothing wrong with that but did he buy clothes and change before he went here with my parents? I head towards the bathroom to get my phone. I remember, I placed it beside his black hoodie. I want to call someone to prove my suspicion. My parents coming home with Tyler is already suspicious and hard to believe.

It rings for about three or four seconds before I hear the other end line say, " Hello?"

I rub the edge of my eyebrow before I utter my reply. " Hmm. . ." I bite the inside of my cheek before I continue," Good day, Mrs. Carson. I apologize If I disturb you at this hour but did Tyler go home yesterday?" I draw in a deep breath as I wait Tyler's mother to say something. I feel some sweats form on my palm, the one I use to hold my phone. I replace my free hand to hold the phone for a while before I wipe the sweats off across my pants. “Oh, sweetheart! How are you?” I feel my cheeks redden as how she just called me. She never changed. She has the same energy the first time I met her and that makes my tense body calm a bit.

“All good Mrs. Carson,” I say rather too formal and awkward.

“I told you before. Just call me by my first name.” although she says that, she doesn't sound angry nor upset.

“I'm sorry Mrs—Hmm Grace.” Calling her solely by her first name is the most uncomfortable thing in the world; I'm not used to calling everyone by their first name and if ever I call someone by their first name, It's either that person is closed to me or he's very closed to me.

“It's okay, Sweetheart. Anyways, did something happen between you and Tyler? Last month, he has been coming home very late. He seems drained and out of himself. Sometimes, he's drunk. " Her tone changes and is laced with apprehension.

“The last time it happened was three years ago,” She adds up.

“Three years ago, It became normal for him to arrive home very late and drunk. Sometimes, he even did not go home for a day or even a week. We were gradually losing our hope that he would change not until miracle happened—Someone changed him."

I just listen. I don't know what to think. My mind can't wrap around the fact that he's back again with his usual business. When did it start?

“Tyler did not go home yesterday.” At last, she answered my suspicion. I want to ask if in those days that he arrived home very late, were his clothes the same as what he wore before he went to god knew where? I know it sounds a weird question but I can't let a single detail slip my hand. I'll just keep that question to myself until all my questions are answered. If he doesn't want to tell me everything then I'll find it out on my own. Even it might hurt—shatter me into pieces.

“Donovan, I'm genuinely happy about your relationship with my son. I love my son. Whatever happens between the both of you—Please don't leave him.”

“To be honest with you, Sweetheart. I was against your relationship with him but we witnessed the changes while you're both together—The changes that we didn't expect—The changes that we prayed for so long.”

*

I hold the edge of the counter with my hands tightly which makes my veins in my arms become visible.

I try to process everything she fed me but something is amiss and I can't point it out where or what. However, I sense that I'm already there—the answer is almost within my reach and I'm sure of that. There are creases between my eyebrows as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I can't tell if I gain weight or lose some.

I head back to my room. I find Tyler sleeping on his stomach profoundly; his right arm goes beneath his stomach while the other one rests across his face and his mouth is agape slightly. From my view, his eyelashes look attractively long. Even though, he looks like he hasn't been sleeping for days, it doesn't affect his beauty at all. He's not the most handsome man at school but there's something about him that makes him stand out among those men.

“I don't know what you are hiding to me but I'll figure everything out,” I whisper under my breath. My eyes catch the clock on the wall, I'm surprised to find out that almost four hours have already passed.

For the sake of our relationship, I'll seek the truth. I don't have any idea who will benefit from it—It could be the both of us or neither of us—perhaps, The people who are hiding behind their thick mask.

I don't care if I have to walk through thorns that lay strewn on my way—It's the least of my worry. I remember what my dad told me earlier, Do my parents know something? It looks like everyone around me does know a lot except for me.