Destined to be in Paris when it happened

Traversing through the central park, following the only shortcut that would lead me to my building, in my hand was a brown bag that contained all the groceries that I had bought earlier while coming back from work and a pack of Marlboro. I was continuously staring at the empty park as it was late at night and all the darkness attracted me and it hardly haunted me anymore and I did not find people spending their time in the park especially at this hour. I always found it interesting How people were afraid to go in the dark? I often found that people were afraid of the dark and the silence that follows. They feel vulnerable and lonely whenever they are subjected to these moments of complete darkness. But I was not afraid to spend my time in the dark. I never felt alone and I always felt that there was someone looking after me. Soon enough I reached the elevator door that was waiting for me to elevate myself back to my apartment. I pressed the button on the panel outside and the arrow started to blink in refulgent red color and the lift came down finally resting itself on the ground floor. The elevator door opened and while holding the brown bag against my chest, I pressed the number 16 inscribed in the round steel button inside the elevator and soon enough the door closed. While my way up to the 16th floor ,I recalled what I saw earlier. I remembered ,that watchman was asleep as he sat on the chair next to the elevator and today I did not care to wake him up. I remembered, the moonlight backed me up as I saw my shadow moving away from me on the ground beneath. Today I realized that each one of us has the right to take some time off from our busy lives and just rest peacefully. I was planning on doing that for myself as soon as I reach my apartment,I silently alerted myself regarding that idea. In few moments, door opened again and I walked up to my apartment door still searching for the keys in my pant pockets. There it is , I exhale in relief ,as I take out my apartment keys from my left pocket. I stand in front of my apartment door, 1611 is the number that"s carved in a dark redwood frame with my name at the bottom. AHAAN DIOR . The most beautiful apartment of the building, I remind myself proudly of that erroneous fact. I unlock the door and hit the lights and then place the brown bag full of groceries on the kitchen slab and head straight to the washroom. I wash my face with cold water and gently splash some water on to my eyes. I take the white towel hung on the back of the door and start to dry my face. I hang the towel back to its place and scurry towards my bedroom to change. "12 meetings and 3 presentations, you"re one hell of a businessman AHAAN" - I talk to myself while staring at my facsimile in the mirror. But now you"re tired aren"t you? - again reminding myself of all the hectic day at work. I want to sleep as soon as possible. My eyes were tired, my throat was paining with all the talking and my legs were no more capable of bearing the weight of my body. I quickly changed and wore my grey robe,which has now become my only favorite color. As soon as I change and finish talking to myself and appreciating my hard work, I rush towards the kitchen in an attempt to fill my empty stomach which was starving due to my negligence and my busy schedule. I open the refrigerator door and look for the leftovers from the previous night. I remember Vivian had prepared some Mexican dish with herbs and spices and being an Indian, everything spicy attracted me. I see some of it was still left and found it enough to satiate myself. I keep the plate in the oven and set the timer for 3 minutes. Then, I pour some water and drink it in one go. I wait for the beeping sound and impatiently stare at the countdown on the oven. "I own one of the most advanced and imaginative place for artists and writers and developers and what not and still I have not been able to design something that would end the business of oven manufacturers ." Honestly, I was just starving but that could be done if I can takeover home appliances division also. But managing such a place would be such a hectic task but at the same time I found it innovative. "I"ll talk to Vivian tomorrow", she would be excited to hear about it. I was always proud of myself for having a place of work that was so advanced and always in the news for all the good reasons. Being the owner and founder of this firm, it was my responsibility to invest all my time and handle every small happening with precision and patience. But I had the tendency to keep my work related issues at my office and they hardly entered my house so I decided to focus my attention back to the timer and finally my dinner was ready as the timer went from 10 to 0. I carried the plate and the fork and poured some red wine into the snifter as I scoot towards my comfy couch to enjoy my meal. My house was the only place where I could treat myself and talk to myself and prepare myself everyday for the upcoming challenges and problems of day to day life, work and non-work related. I turned on the Air conditioner with my phone in hand and soon my whole apartment was filled with fresh, cold air which always helped me relax and I forget all the worries and tensions of the day. I held the glass of wine and finished eating my dinner as John Legend"s "ALL of ME" echoed in the background which helped me relax even more. I quickly chew the last bits of that spicy food and now it was time for me to kiss my newly found love who was still waiting for me back in the kitchen. I put the empty plate in the kitchen sink and take out the packet of Marlboro from the brown back that I placed earlier on the kitchen slab. I open the packet, peeling off the thin,transparent outer covering as if I was undressing the girl I love. After relaxing for a while, I light a cigarette and take a long puff and inhale deeply and then exhale. "Cigarettes are Heaven" - I murmur while exhaling. I was very fond of cigarettes and very much liked the fact that how cigarettes fooled you into thinking that all of your tensions have melted away with each puff that you inhale. "Cigarettes are magic but nothing compared to the girl in the photo frame" - smoking harder, I turn my face towards the wall of my living room. The frame that was hung in front of my eyes with the smiling face of hers. Her hand placed on her mouth as she tried to control her laughter and her hair resting on her neck covering her ears and her eyes looking directly at me with all the love that they had in them. I liked this women and she loved me more than anybody ever did. She helped me grow from a mediocre, small town, scared boy to exceptional and unmatched business tycoon. She created me and shaped me into a perfect human being as a potter shapes the mud into earthen vessels. I was her masterpiece that she painted from the scratch and filled my black and white soul with the colors of her never ending faith in me. She introduced me to my strengths and transformed me into a perfect human. She saw my imperfect life and added to it all the perfections that she possessed and filled my soul with beauty and flavors of love. She controlled my demons and held my hand. She wiped my tears and kissed my forehead. She showered me with selfless love and showed me my true self reflection. She completed me ,but…… BUT THEN SHE LEFT ME, AND I STILL REMEMBER HER PALE HANDS AND TREMBLING LIPS. I REMEMBER THE WHITE HOSPITAL SHEETS AND THE UNCOMFORTABLE HOSPITAL BED. I REMEMBER THE TEARS SHE SHED EVERY TIME DOCTORS POKED HER BARE SKIN WITH SYRINGES. I REMEMBER HER SMILE AND HER BRAVERY. I REMEMBER HER POSITIVE AURA AND HER LOVE FOR LIFE. I REMEMBER HER DREAMS AND HER GOALS. I REMEMBER HER KINDNESS AND LOVE FOR OTHERS. I REMEMBER HER CONSTANT BATTLE WITH PAIN AND HAPPINESS. I REMEMBER HER STRUGGLE TO BREATHE AND HER INABILITY TO EXPRESS HER RAGE. I REMEMBER HER LAST BREATH AND I REMEMBER HER LAST WORDS. I REMEMBER HER UTMOST FAITH IN GOD AND I REMEMBER HER . I miss her everyday, every moment of my life. I miss her every time I wake up and see the empty half of my bed. I miss her every time I set breakfast for myself. I miss her presence every time I deal with problems. I miss her words every time I yell and shout at others. I miss her calls and her texts. I miss her laughter and her voice. I miss the smell of her hair and touch of her lips. I miss her jokes and her gentle whispering. I miss her mind and her soul. I miss her existence and I"ll always love her for everything she brought into my life. I tried to walk up to the kitchen and to pour myself another drink and soon enough I did not feel the need of holding a glass and drank directly from the bottle. I remembered why my eyes turned red and I knew the reason of my emptiness. I knew why I was not afraid of the dark and the only reason I was constantly trying to forgive myself. Time in the kitchen clock -1:11 am I find myself sitting on the floor helplessly dwelling into my indecent past. In one hand was the bottle of wine and in another hand was the lit cigarette. As I take another puff , this time trying to choke myself with it as I feel the pain of losing her and my inability to save her. "All of this fortune is of no use, all of this success means nothing" - I cursed myself as I cried in intolerable pain. All that was left of her was this apartment which was empty since my presence without hers was meaningless and my soul which was struggling to smile everyday just because she uttered some words during her very last breath. “YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON.” The words that were constantly piercing my ears and my inability to respond weakened my soul. "I have to do something, I have to let go. In order to grow, I need to let go." - my eyes closed as I blabbered in my toxic tone. Shiv found me lying on the kitchen floor later that night and next day I packed everything and locked that apartment door forever. I was not sure where I was going but I was sure that I was not coming back and she"d be finally happy.