Me without you

Chapter Two

I met someone.

Is this weird that I want to speak to you about it?

Because I do.

I really want to tell you about him.

I am sure that it's weird that I want to share this with you.

But that's what we did, we shared everything, or atleast most things.

I haven't known him long. Just a few months now.

He is persistent, reminds me a bit about you in that way.

If I was truthful, he reminds me of you a lot.

What am I thinking?

This is weird.

I shouldn't be talking to you about this. It's too weird.

He knows about you.

I told him about you. It was inevitable, you are such a huge part of my life. Perhaps even more so, since you have been gone. So, I told him about you.

Perhaps in an attempt to scare him off. It didn't work though. He is either very stubborn or determined.

I haven't decided yet.

You probably wondering what I told him about you.

The truth.

That you were and are the love of my life.

And if it weren't for the fact that I didnt know what I liked and my most fatal flaw, I am an i***t, I would have loved you back.

I told him how our very similar interests inevitably kept us apart.

How I had allowed it to keep us apart.

But I was too stupid to realize it at the time.

And missed out on the chance to spend my life with you.

I know right, you would think that would be sufficient to send Noel on his way.

I would think that me telling him that I believe a dead guy is the love of my life and I was meant to spend my life with him, would send him running for the hills. But he is still around.

Oh, yes that's his name.

Noel.

He doesn't like her name. He told me so.

That reminded me of you.

Remember that day at the lake, you were scribbling the letters LKGF all over your note book.

The way you always did.

And I asked you what it meant.

And you told me those are your initials.

I remember laughing as you moaned about how it was the equivalent of child abuse that your parents would give you that many names.

You were so cute.

Pouting just a little.

I remember days like that all the time.

How was it that you and I always ended up sitting at the lake under that trees in between classes? You planned that, didn't you?

You know, I always thought that we would have more time.

That it just wasn't our time yet.

But we would have more time.

Our time.

That life would figure out a way for us, when our time came.

Does that make any sense?

I remember us talking about our house one day.

Do you remember that?

You said you wanted carpets in the bedroom and I said I hate vacuuming and you said you would do it.

I remember that chat mostly because of the goofy smile you had on your face.

It was too cute.

It took me a minute to remind myself that I was dating someone else that day.

I didn't tell you that I thought you were being cute.

I should have told you.

Actually...

I should just have kissed you that day. But I was being faithful to my boyfriend.

Stupid me!

Or perhaps I was being faithful to you and me. I remember the kiss we did share though. I always view that kiss with cognitive biases, but if I had to be brutally honest, it was just two lips touching.

Anyway I was reminded about the carpet story because of something Noel said.

I was trying to choose a carpet for my bedroom. Hopefully, one you would have liked.

Anyway Noel was walking around the store barefoot and digging his toes into the carpets, saying it was the only way to choose a carpet.

I clearly didn't know how to choose a carpet, because the carpets were supposed to be your area of expertise.

Lost in my thoughts of you I nearly missed what he said.

But because I was thinking about you, there was no way I would have missed it.

He had offered to vacuum the carpets for me.

And once again...

For a minute I thought it was you.

I thought that he was you.

I thought it was us.

That we had come out to choose a carpet for our bedroom.

That we had managed to figure things out, make things work.

That we were going to take it back to our apartment.

I forgot.

I forgot that you were gone.

I forgot that I am alone.

I forgot.

That hurt.

And I think that Noel saw it too. Because for a moment there, I think he forgot too.

I think that he thought that I saw him. If that makes any sense.

I think we both forgot.

Is that normal?

You have been gone for ten years.

For ten years now I have been missing you.