Favorite Crime

My purpose in life has always been in my thoughts. Never have I ever found the answer to that question. Not even after I accepted Jesus Christ. The question still remains to this day. What is the purpose and meaning of Delilah Cole's life? Despite my unanswered question, I always kept my faith strong. Of course, there are times when I feel alone. I try to open my Bible and read the book of Psalms; it had always brought me comfort. Last night, after crying my eyes out, I decided to end it all. The unthinkable. To quit life, hoping that Jesus would forgive me for doing so. But I couldn't. Despite the excruciating pain I felt, I decided to give this life another shot. Killing myself meant letting those who hurt me win. I wasn't about to let that happen. They don't deserve that triumph. Now, you must think that I'm sick. I am. I'm very sick. Before you judge me for not going to therapy, being raised in Asia is quite different. I know I need therapy and I want it. In America, kids are encouraged to get the help they need from shrinks. Back where I'm from, seeing a therapist is a sign of weakness. Children are usually encouraged not to take it for fear of it jeopardizing one's future. In addition to that, therapy isn't exactly affordable where I'm from. The only ones who get therapy are the rich. Everyone else is taught to shrug it off. I'm one of those people. Today's a new day. As I promised myself last night, I'm going to give it another go. I mean really try to see things from a different perspective. Hindi ko hahayaan ang sarili ko na sayangin ang buhay na binigay sakin ni Lord. As I entered school, I was met by eyes, whispers, and gossip. I didn't really have that many friends. I am one of the popular kids, yes. But unlike them, I'm not extroverted. I keep to myself most of the time. Mahiyain akong tao. I don't really do a lot of talking. "Hey, Lilah," greeted my best friend, Jonah. He's the only one I've been hanging with lately. He's my safe place. "Hey, you," I greeted back with a smile. "So," I asked, "How was the show last night? Was it epic?" He nodded, handing me a photo of him. "You should've been there, Lilah. It was fun." "You know they wouldn't allow me to go," I said, handing him back the photo. I've known Jonah for a few years now. He makes me "better." We encourage each other to reach our goals and have each other's backs. I remember that time I had to run track; he held my hair back after I vomited my entire breakfast. He's the best person in my life right now. It's kind of hard not to rely on him so much cause he's always there. He sighed, patting my shoulder. "Yeah, I know." "Kung ayaw mo na," I said, "Sabihin mo lang. Naiintindihan ko." He rolled his eyes, gently letting go of me. "Ang drama mo, Besh!" he says, "Don't worry. I'm right here. Alam ko naman na loner ka eh." I punched his arm playfully. "Besh?" "Oo!" he says, pinching my cheek. "Best friend. Ayaw mo ba?" "Pwede naman," I grinned. "So, what's the plan for today? Do you have a gig?" "Nope," he shook his head. "But there is a Youth group thing later. Are you joining us?" A youth group? I must've missed the message. Well, kahit naman makita ko pa yun di rin naman ako makakapunta. I have a job to do anyway. "Huy," he says, waving his hand. "You're going, right? You missed so much of it." "Sorry," I said, "I can't join you. I have work to do, remember?" He shook his head in disappointment. "The venue is in your cafe. Can't you ask your boss if you could have that time off as a break?" I can ask him, but I'm a shy person. Kuya Reggie is a good person and a very generous one at that. But I can't lose the house I'm being paid for. Not to mention I don't really like joining groups. I get shy when they ask me to read something or ask me questions. It's too much pressure for me. "Tingnan ko nalang mamaya, Jonah," I said, "Baka di rin kasi ako payagan eh. We're kind of under-staffed. You understand me, right?" Shaking his head, he sighed. "Fine," he says, "But you have to join me on the next one. Everybody misses you." With that said, he went off to class. The Youth Group is a church thing I used to attend. I used to enjoy these things. Unfortunately, something happened in a previous group I attended. After that traumatic experience, I was never the same again. Although I'm in a different church now, I still can't shake the trauma off. We actually have an amazing Youth leader—Ms. Eloise—and the members of the group are very nice. Everyone's friendly and kind. Well, all except Morgan. What am I doing? I told myself I'm going to give this another shot. I'll ask Kuya Reggie later. If he lets me, I'll attend the gathering. "Hey!" waved Everleigh, my friend. She's popular for her talent in music. She can play a ton of instruments like the piano, guitar, and saxophone. Her vocal range is also amazing. "Do you have work later? Or can I steal you to hang out?" "Sorry," I said, "I can't tonight. I have a job and a Youth group to join." "Oh," she says, "I'll just tell you what bothers me after the first break then." With that said, she skedaddled to class. Everleigh is a very good friend. The only problem with her is how fast she falls for boys. Sure, she's a teenager. Most teenagers fall in love with a lot of boys. But Everleigh blows it out of proportion. She gets hurt most of the time and that crushes me too. Ayoko siya nakikitang nahihirapan o nasasaktan. She's like a sister to me. The bell rang signaling that I'm late for class. I suppose the first break will be filled with all sorts of drama. Oh well.