The Army Girl

5. Carmen's Point Of View

We finished our song with a bow and I couldn't stop thinking about everything Jay had said to me when we had arrived at the pub. He told me to hurry up and tell his sister that I wanted to be with her as more than a friend because he could see that it was tearing us both apart.

He assured me that she felt the same way about me and I flat out refused to believe him. The last thing he said on the matter was that I was her best friend and if I just looked at her properly I would see the signs and realise how she felt about me.

Throughout our performance I noticed that Samantha's eyes never strayed from mine and I started thinking about all of our encounters with each other over the last few years. There was a sparkle in her eyes whenever she looked at me and she always smiled a huge smile whenever she saw me no matter what kind of mood she was in prior.

I remembered that every time I had a stupid drunken one night stand at a party, she avoided me for a few days, then I started thinking about what she had said earlier. The girl she wanted to be with was always 'away' with work and worked just as much as she did if not more.

I definitely needed to talk to her about things soon, I just didn't know where to start.

"Yo, Carmen! The regulars want to hear some of the songs you wrote yourself!" Jay shouted to me.

"Um, right well, this one is called Pardon me." I announced to the audience as I sat at the pubs piano. Sammantha had gone back over to the bar and sat watching me, her gaze making me slightly nervous and extremely warm seeing as I was still in my Army uniform and blushing from the attention. I kept eye contact with her while I sang.

Pardon me for my lack of excitement,

But I'm not entirely thrilled.

S-s-stutter when I talk,

Flail around as I walk,

Yeah, the moments been killed.

And I'm not good at this,

No, not at all.

I'm not good at this.

I cleared my throat as I broke eye contact briefly to look down at the piano keys.

I'm a wreck and I know it,

And I tend to show it

Every chance that I get.

Butterflies in disguise,

They just fly on by,

Yeah, they're making me sick.

They don't flutter about,

I'd do without,

All they do is kick.

I looked back up meeting Samantha's bright blue gaze.

Mean it truly,

Sincere heart.

Why do you do this to me?

Tear me apart.

It's my fault and I know it

And I tend to blow it,

No thanks to you.

It's like you sit and you watch me,

You poke and you taunt me,

It's all that you do.

And I'm not fighting that no, not at all.

Just want to be something a name you call.

The lips you taste just to fall,

Madly in love.

Mean it truly,

Sincere heart.

Why do you do this to me?

Tear me apart.

I broke eye contact once again from those mesmerising blue orbs and glanced briefly around the pub before my eyes became glued to those twinkling blues once again.

I got my eyes set on you,

My heart is burnin' red.

All of my words come out wrong,

Run circles in my head.

You had me and I melted,

In the palm of your hand.

You know it, yes I felt it,

You'll never understand.

Mean it truly,

Sincere heart.

Why do you do this to me,

Tear me apart.

Mean it truly,

Sincere heart.

Why do you do this to me,

Tear me apart.

"I'm going to take a break so I can get changed. I'll be right back." Once I announced that I made my way through the back of the bar and to my bedroom.

I could now tell that Sammantha did feel the same way about me, it made me so happy but terrified at the same time. I took my Army uniform off placing it in my wash basket before pulling on a pair of jeans and a black vest top.

I stood in front of my mirror running my hands through my hair, ruffling it, giving it the floppy, slightly wavy, surfer hair style that it had grown into these past few months. My eyes wandered down my reflection, stopping on an ugly pink scar on my shoulder.

I ran my fingertips over it, remembering what had happened. It was a grenade explosion, shrapnel had hit me in the shoulder. It would have been worse if Lucas hadn't tackled me to the ground, the funny thing about it was that it was friendly fire. Okay, so it's not so funny.

One of our squad members, Jordon Harper, had disobeyed orders and activated a grenade not throwing it far enough away causing me to get caught in the blast path. The guy was an i***t sometimes. I smiled to myself remembering the bollocking he received from our Commanding Officer, but it quickly slipped into a frown.

Lucas and I hadn't told anyone about that incident, we didn't want to worry them, but they would certainly notice the scar on my shoulder. Before I could consider putting on one of my plaid shirts, there was a knock at my door.

"Come in." I spoke turning to the door.

"Hey sweetie, are you okay?" My mum asked upon entering the room.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking." I replied while quietly taking a seat on my bed, my mum joining me.

"Penny for them?"

"Huh?" I replied dumbly.

"Your thoughts hunny, do you want to talk about them?" She replied pulling me to her so my head was in her lap and I was laying down on my bed.

"I really like Sammie mum, as in ... like... more than a friend and I don't know what to do about it." I closed my eyes as my mum started playing with my hair causing me to instantly relax.

"I know." She let out a small chuckle as my eyes flew open.

"What? God, was I being that freaking obvious that everybody knows?" I covered my face with my hands and groaned.

"You've not been obvious about it darling otherwise Sammantha would have picked up on it by now. We are your family, we notice things because we are on the outside of the situation. Plus, I'm your mother and can read you like a book." My mum chuckled, "Where did you get that scar?" She questioned as she touched it gently.

"One of our stupid squad members didn't throw a grenade far enough, I was caught in the blast line but Lucas managed to get me mostly out of the way. A piece of shrapnel hit me, it was nothing major." I reassured her as she nodded her head briefly.

"You know she feels the same way about you right?" Mum spoke after a few moments of silence.

"Jay told me earlier, I didn't believe him at first but I started noticing things and remembering things. So, yeah, I do know." I sighed.

"And what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know." I whispered, "I don't know how to start that conversation. I mean how do you even start that kind of conversation let alone start it with your best bloody mate!?" I huffed out waving my my hands around as I spoke. "'Oh hey, Sammie, I like you and I know you like me, wanna bang?' I mean, I just haven't got a clue what to say right now without making a complete fool out of myself." I stood up from my bed, frustrated. I opened my bedroom window while plucking a cigarette out of its packet and lighting it.

"Maybe you don't need to use words for that conversation." Mum mused as she made her way to my bedroom door. "You know that old saying....actions speak louder than words? By the way, smoking is a bad habit." She finished chuckling as she left my room.

Once I finished my cigarette I went back into the pub, I took a seat next to Sophie and I could feel Sammantha's eyes on me. I avoided looking at her while I was thinking through how to approach her. Jay was playing the last song of the night and most of the pubs patrons had already left.

The rest of us started clearing the pub up while my mum locked up after the last person left. I chanced a glance at Sammantha and gave her a soft smile to which she responded with her gaze zeroed in on my shoulder.

I looked away quickly, cursing myself for getting distracted by my mum and not covering the scar and moved over to the rest of the group to sort out sleeping arrangements.

"Lucas, you're bunking in with Jay and Antonio as usual. Sophie and Sonja, you'll be in Sammantha's room, the boys will show you where. Sammie, you're in my room." I informed them as we continued tidying the pub.

"What do you kids think you're doing?" My mum asked.

"Helping you tidy up, mother." Antonio replied, rolling his eyes.

"No, no, no. Off to bed. All of you! It's been a long day." My mum said shooing us up the stairs, giving us all a kiss good night as her and Kate continued cleaning the pub.

When we got upstairs we all went to go to our rooms but Sammantha blocked our way.