The Army Girl

6. Sammanthas Point Of View

I stood in front of everyone, preventing them from moving further into the flat, with my arms folded over my chest. I had noticed the scar on Carmen's shoulder and I was pissed that no one had told us about it.

"Your shoulder. What happened?" I demanded sending a glare at Lucas, Sophie, Sonja and Carmen, daring them to lie to me.

"I... Um... It." Carmen stuttered, visibly pale and nervous.

"It was an accident." Lucas spoke, stepping forward, protecting his sister like he always does. "It was my choice not to tell any of you. It wasn't a serious injury, just a minor flesh wound."

"What. Happened?" I growled slightly, taking an angry step forward.

"A member of our squad detonated a grenade and didn't manage to throw it far enough away, Lucas noticed that Carmen was going to get caught in the blast radius and managed to get her mostly out of the way." Sophie explained, calmly, trying to ease the rising tension.

"It was just a piece of shrapnel that caught me." Carmen added meekly, looking down at the floor, as our mums joined us in the hallway.

"What? 'Just a piece of shrapnel?!' 'Minor flesh wound?!'" I repeated, angrily, shocked with how they were brushing it off like it was nothing. "For f***s sake Carmen! Don't you think you've been keeping enough things from me recently? And now you don't even tell me when you get f*****g injured? I'm supposed to be your best f*****g mate and you're treating me like a stranger!" I shouted shoving Carmen back.

"Well I could say the same for you!" Carmen spat back losing her nervous stature from before. "You're hiding something from me and I don't like it! You don't even talk to me properly about anything anymore!" She shouted back at me while everyone just stood by and let our interaction run its course.

"Can you blame me? You're never f*****g here!" I shoved Carmen back again, "You're always on base or in another f*****g country putting your life at risk!" I shoved her harder, "You said earlier your life is with the Army, so why bother coming back to us? Why are you even acting like you care?" I had Carmen pressed up against the wall now as anger pulsated through me.

"You think it's easy?" Carmen shot the question at me while gripping the front of my top. "Coming back here and having to act like I haven't seen horrendous things over there? Then having to leave again knowing I'm going back to those horrendous things?" I watched her dark eyes dim as she shouted. "It's not f*****g easy." She flipped our positions angrily so I was now against the wall.

"It's not easy." She repeated softly with a sigh. "It's not easy keeping a brave face and reassuring the people that I care about that I will be fine, that I will come back when I don't even know from day to day what will happen out there." She spoke quieter before her anger radiated from her again, "Why are you being like this? What's your f*****g problem?"

"My problem? My f*****g problem is that I care too much! My f*****g problem is that I have no choice but to sit back and watch you f*****g leave me all. The. f*****g. Time! My f*****g problem is that I have to work myself to the brink of exhaustion so I don't end up driving myself crazy thinking about what could be happening to you out there! My f*****g problem is that I f*****g love you! My f*****g problem is that I'm in love with you!" I screamed in her face, feeling the wetness of tears running down my cheeks, while hitting her repeatedly in her chest.

I watched as the colour drained from her face and she adopted a stoic expression. The silence was deafening. I could hear my heart thumping wildly in my chest as I kept eye contact with Carmen. I watched as her eyes seemed to lighten, sparkle even before they darkened and dulled once again. It felt like a lifetime had passed before Carmen opened her mouth to speak, she spoke quietly and uncharacteristically emotionless.

"Don't."

"Don't what?" I questioned, my voice wavering.

"Don't love me, don't be in love with me. It's not worth it. I'm not worth it." She spoke in a whisper that could be easily heard in the silence, before turning away from me to leave the apartment.

"Running away again?" I taunted as I moved forward to follow her, my anger coursing through me again, "running off to one of your f*****g whores whose names you don't bother to remember? Or are you just going to go f**k a completely random stranger this time?" I let out a squeak of pain as Carmen turned around suddenly and slammed me against the wall.

"I only did that so I didn't have to feel. Being with them made me forget about my feelings. But I haven't done that in years. I haven't done that since I accepted my feelings." She growled angrily at me before letting go and walking away again.

"Accepted what feelings?" I asked hoping that she would admit to her feelings for me.

"None that even matter anymore, especially not if you think of me as some kind of slut." She replied as she looked over her shoulder at me, heartbreak clearly written in her eyes and face.

I briefly saw tears glistening in her eyes before she turned her head and left the apartment. I felt the tears well up in my eyes again as I tried to prevent them from falling. I wanted to go after her but my anger and pain kept me frozen to the spot where I stood.

"Sammantha, don't you thi-" Lucas started speaking before I cut him off.

"Don't, Lucas. Don't you f*****g dare try to be the voice of reason. You should have told us! You should have told me that I nearly lost my best friend! You say it was 'only a flesh wound', but, if you haven't even got the balls to tell us about a 'minor' injury how in the f**k will you ever be able to tell us if something worse happens?" With that I stormed away, slamming the door to Carmen's room shut behind me.

I took a few deep breaths as I sat on the edge of the bed, I picked up a photo frame from Carmen's bedside table and ran my fingers over the photo. It was a picture of me and Carmen just before she left for her basic training with the Army.

We had been at the beach all day surfing and just having fun, Carmen had snapped the selfie of us. We were sat on the sand, me between Carmen's legs leaning back into her with one of her arms round me holding me to her. The sun glistened off the water droplets covering our skin and I was smiling at Carmen as she kissed my cheek. Her hair was a lot shorter in the picture and was sticking up all over the place, while my hair was pulled into a messy side ponytail.

Tears started falling from my eyes landing on the photo and I heard the bedroom door open and shut gently. My gaze never broke from the photo, even when I felt the bed dip either side of me. Comforting arms were wrapped around me from both sides and I could tell that it was my mum and Fatima.

"She won't come back tonight, will she?" I whispered through my tears.

"She will come back when she's ready sweetie." My mum answered soothingly rubbing gentle circles on my back.

"You both need some time to sort through your own heads, I know you're feeling lost and out of your depth right now and I know for a fact Carmen is feeling exactly the same. You guys have always been inseparable and this is the first blow up you two have had in the seventeen years that you've been a part of each other's lives, you're both just going to need some time." Fatima said as she stood from the bed while my mum lay me down.

"Try and get some sleep Sammantha, you two will work this out." My mum said, placing a kiss to my head as they both left the room.

I cried myself to sleep that night as I lay in Carmen's bed worrying about where she was.