Things We Never Said

Six

The next day after school, I waited for Ethan. He had texted me that he was going to be a little late. That was forty-five minutes ago, and he still hadn’t shown up. I was beginning to think he wouldn’t show at all. Right when I was about to give up, the front door opened and slammed shut. Ethan walked into the living room looking exhausted.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” he said sounding exhausted. He threw himself down on the couch next to me, rubbing his eyes with his index finger and thumb. I could tell by the tense set of his shoulders that something was wrong. 

"No worries," I said with a small smile. Ethan seemed to be deep in thought so I decided to ask, “Everything okay?” 

He forced a smile on his face. “Everything is fine.” 

I slowly nodded, accepting his answer. “Should we get started?” I asked. 

“Oh...right,” he said getting up from the couch, extending his hand out for me to take. He gently pulled me up and followed me upstairs to my room. 

My room was a mess; clothes were in a pile on the floor, books overflowing on my desk, and my bed halfway made. I grabbed a handful of the clothes from the floor and shoved them into my closet. I had a hard time closing the door which made Ethan chuckle. 

“Someone’s a little piggy,” he joked. 

I blushed as I said, “I didn’t have time to clean.” 

I didn’t realize how close Ethan was to me, until I turned to face him. My nose brushed against his chest which made my cheeks turn a deeper shade of red and my heart skipped a beat when I inhaled his intoxicating cologne. 

“Sorry,” he muttered sheepishly while taking several steps back. 

I frowned at the growing distance between us. He went over to the foot of the bed and took a seat. He began pulling out his notebook and flipped through the pages. I sat down across from him and began pulling out my homework from my backpack. 

“I didn’t think you were going to come,” I said casually, trying to break the silence. 

Ethan looked up from his notebook with a frown on his face. “Why wouldn’t I show?” 

I shrugged, “I thought maybe you just forgot. I know you’ve been busy.”

“I would never forget you.”

My heart beat faster. Little did he know that I soaked in every word he spoke and that I read into everything he’s ever said.

I was lovestruck. I couldn’t help it.

Ethan cleared his throat and looked back down at his notebook, “Should we start with problem five?” 

I nodded, looking back down at my paper. 

We worked on homework for about an hour when Ethan started to become distracted. I noticed he wasn’t working on the worksheet anymore but just staring at different things in the room.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing, I was just thinking.”

I set my homework aside. It was probably a good time to take a break. We had been working for an hour straight.

“About what?”

Ethan smiled; it gave me butterflies every single time.

“Do you remember a few years ago when that kid kept teasing you?”

I nodded. I remembered all too well.

It was after my parents had split up and it was a really hard time for me. I was constantly crying and came to school often with red, swollen eyes. The kid, Marc, would point at me and call me a baby, which made the other kids laugh at me. He even went as far as to run into me on “accident” in the halls between classes. Eventually it was becoming too much for me, so Ethan told him to stop. Marc didn’t listen and so it went on like that for a few weeks.

“I remember,” I said, thinking back. “You went up to him after school one day and told him he had one last chance to stop and apologize.”

Ethan chuckled, “And he didn’t.”

“So, you punched him.” I finished. I wondered why he brought that up.

“I got in so much trouble with my mom,” he continued. 

“I couldn’t see you for like two weeks.”

 Ethan laughed, “My mom was very upset. She yelled at me for an hour straight.”

“She wasn’t too mad when you explained to her why you did it.”

“Thankfully, you told her. I never would’ve and you probably would’ve never seen me again.”

“I’m sure she wouldn’t be that hard on you.”

“You have met my mom, right?”

I laughed. “I have. She’s very nice. And very forgiving.”

“You’re a lot like her,” he said with a little sigh, “and I’m lucky to have you.”

I smiled. I didn’t expect him to tell me that. My heart fluttered and my brain kicked into overdrive. Ethan’s eyes roamed my face as if he was searching for something. It made me grow a little self-conscious. 

Was there something on my face? Or in my teeth? 

Subconsciously, I brought my hand up to my face. I glanced at my phone that was sitting on the night table, debating if I should pick it up to take a look at myself. I thought against it and when I glanced back at Ethan there was this look on his face that I couldn’t describe. It almost seemed like he was seeing me for the first time but in a different way.

Was it possible that Ethan liked me as more than a friend and he just didn’t realize it? I longed for that thought to be true. I would give anything to have him see me in the same way that I saw him.

But he cleared his throat and said, “You’re a good friend.”

And just like that, my heart shattered.

My hope faltered.

Ethan would never like me.

I would just be his friend. His best buddy. His sister. Nothing more. I was stupid for thinking that we could be anything more.

Ethan glanced at his phone.

“I need to get going.” He quickly jumped up from the bed and began to gather his things. He shoved everything into his backpack. Throwing his backpack over his shoulder, he turned to me with the same look he had a minute ago. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Same time?” 

I nodded, getting up from the bed to follow him to the front door. He told me he would call me later tonight. He was going to try to see Krista tonight and wanted some advice on some things. I frowned at the thought of helping him fix his love life with the girl I despised the most, but I was his friend and I had to understand that that was all I was ever going to be. Even though it pained me and killed me, it was the truth.

Ethan left and I dragged myself back to my room. I stayed in bed for the rest of the night waiting for a phone that never came.