Nothing's Guaranteed

Chapter 1

“I'm coming home.

I'm coming home.

Tell the world I'm coming home.

Let the rain wash away, all the pain of yesterday.”

-Diddy

~~Sydney~~

I watch many familiar buildings from my childhood pass me by as we maneuver our way through the busy intersection. This place has not changed a bit and familiarity will be good for China and I. Can't say that I missed living in Chicago, but something is reassuring about seeing something familiar since life has started to feel more foreign. Since the accident I have not been myself, but hopefully this move will remind me of the old Sydney.

We pass our old neighborhood, and for just a split second I catch the edge of our old house before the neighborhood opening ends and I am forced to look at another endless row of buildings. One thing that would make this move back to Chicago a lot easier would be the chance to stay in the home our parents raised us in. Everyday since China and I were sent down to Florida to live with our grandma I could not stop wondering if a new family was enjoying our home. Were they making it their own? While my parents were alive they made our home one of the best places to be. I always felt safe surrounded by those walls, my parents, my sister, and my little cousin. Then again, not living in our old house is for the best because I know I would think of my parents often. Even the year that has passed has not changed how much I miss them. I think about my dad’s terrible jokes and his undeniable love for music. He used to always tell me music was his first love until he met my mother, and that was when he realized the true meaning of life. On the nights where memories of them flow through my mind the strongest I always think of how warm my mom’s hugs used to be and how lovely her voice was every time she worked to lull me to sleep at night as a kid.

Hopefully one day I can go back just to see what the place looks like. See what the new owners have changed, or if majority of everything is the same. I used to have dreams of travelling back to our old house just so I can feel that safety again. Life has not been the same without them, and I am still coming to terms with the fact that life will never be the same again.

"You two, we're almost there. Are you excited to see your sister?" I can hear her, I'm just pretending like I can't. I never turned on my music in the first place, I just put in my earphones so that no one would talk to me. This ride has been hard enough alone on its own, but our social worker never makes things easier with her sympathetic and “understanding” tones. She handles us how she was trained to but I always feel more like another case to close for her than actual people living actual lives that have not been as spot on as we could have hoped. She has proved though that she can be very blind in understanding the emotions of people around her a number of times since we got on the plane in Florida.

I have not seen my sister since my parent’s funeral. Sometimes I wonder if the pain was too great for her so she felt it was best to keep her distance. There were times I thought she hated me and had wished that I had been the one to die in the accident and that our parents had lived. I love my sister, but from the moment she left for college our sisterly bond we used to share became anything but reality. The fact that now I must live with her when she abandoned me the most does not sit right with me. I could have just stayed and helped take care of my grandmother. I would not have been a bother and she probably would have been grateful to have someone that she is close to help take care of her. She was adamant on me not staying behind to care for her though. If I spent senior year of my high school career going to school and then coming home to take care of her she felt I would miss out on a very crucial point in my life. I begged and pleaded for her to let me stay, and even promised to be a complete asshole any time I felt the need to live a normal teenage life. She just laughed, hugged me, and said I would understand later on while I was in the moment. I miss her.

I feel China's little finger poke my arm. I look up at her and she is letting me know that Ms. Anne is in fact talking to me. Of course I hear everything the social worker is saying, but to keep up my ruse I pretend my music is getting in the way.

"Syd, she's talking to you." I pull one of my earphones out and look at China for clarity. She repeats herself and then I catch eyes with our social worker through the rear view mirror.

"I said we're almost there. Ready to see your sister?" No I'm not, but seeing my sister actually sounds better than remaining in this car. I can hear the irritation in Ms. Anne’s voice for having to repeat herself so many times on this trip. I always have to hold back my laughter each time she gets irritated because every time she talks I actually do hear her. Every word. She has not picked up on the hint that my mood is to not be bothered, or she has and she just does not care.

"Yea, I haven't seen her in forever." I try with all my might to keep an optimistic tone. Everything that China and I say that holds some negative connotation gets put on file, or in a record. Only because so many kids put into the system suffer from mental breaks, regular visits to a psychiatrist are highly recommended if our thoughts and feelings become too negative. I learned quick that China and I would have a much simpler life if we expressed our negative emotions and tendencies to each other. Ms. Anne finally pulls into my sister’s building’s parking lot. I look out the window and up at this tall unwelcoming apartment building. The fact that this will be home for the next year is not settling right at all. In the back of my mind I know I will be okay, but I just wish circumstances could have remained the same.

I step out of the car and walk to the trunk to help the social worker get out our things. She struggles to lift my heaviest bag out so I step up to the other side of the suitcase and help her lift it out. Once my biggest bag is out I proceed to get out my other bags while Ms. Anne works on China’s largest suitcase.

“You girls have a lot of things. I remember my passion for fashion and things of that nature at your age.” China and I hear her but neither of us respond. It is her small talk like this that makes Ms. Anne’s presence a little more unwanted every time she thinks of a new topic to comment on. I grab majority of my bags and head into the apartment building before China is done.

"This is where she lives? How old is she again?" China starts examining the run down building before she follows me inside. I can tell she is going to have a problem adjusting to living here, same as me, but I am sure we will both learn to make it home. Considering everything we have been through, you would think we would be a little more appreciative about things. Chasity did not have to agree to take us in with her and for that alone I am grateful. Especially since I spent most of our time apart believing she hated me and the situation our family was in while she was still away at school.

"Well she's twenty-six, China. She's just gotten this new job of hers so it'll take a little while for her to get up on her feet. You’ll understand when you grow up." She sucks her teeth and continues to follow me towards the entrance of the building. I roll my eyes as I set my things down by the door. On a little porch that leads to the opening there are two men sitting down, chatting. Well one man and one guy that looks like he is more around my age. He has very nice skin and I can't help but notice how nice and clean his dreads are. When he looks up from his phone at me, I can instantly see how cute he is. He smiles at me and I smile back. His smile is like the cherry on top, or the icing on the cake, for his features. The kid is gorgeous and I instantly feel myself get flustered by his stare.

"Sydney!" Ms. Anne calls my name giving me an excuse to break my gaze from his. I look over at her and she is checking the car making sure that all of our things are out. "Make sure China stays downstairs until I get to the door with you!" I nod my head and avoid looking back at the guy by walking ahead inside. I can still feel him holding me in his gaze, but I put all my efforts towards avoiding making eye contact again.

"Nice kicks." He calls this after me causing me to stop. Now I know I must turn around and respond because the last thing I want is for anyone in this building to mistake me for being unfriendly or unapproachable. If this is going to be my home I want to be as comfortable as possible. I slowly turn around and smile sweetly in his direction. It does not take much to catch his gaze because it never left mine even when I turned away.

"Thanks." He nods his head and smiles back. I continue to make my way inside the building. Before I open the door I hear Ms. Anne lock her car doors and start to make her way towards the entrance as well. I go ahead and open the door and hold it as China and Ms. Anne come up the walkway. I can not help but look in the guy’s direction one more time and he has started back talking to the old guy he is sitting with but his eyes are still on me. I do not look for long and once China and Ms. Anne pass me at the door I follow behind without another look.

I observe the building as we walk down a narrow hallway towards the elevators and stairs. The walls are very plain and uneventful. There is very dim lighting, but only because some of the light bulbs in the overhead lamps need to be replaced. If I were apartment hunting and looking for a comfortable place to call home, this hallway would not put this place at the top of my list. I hope Chasity is able to keep herself safe in here. The hallway seems to go on forever but we finally make it to the end.

“Stairs or the elevator?” I ask Anne since the choice is really hers. I know China and I would take either one.

"Dearest, we are taking the elevator. Lord knows I do not need to carry anything heavy up the stairs. We'd be moving your stuff in forever." And Lord also knows we don't want that. I shrug my shoulders and press the up button. The wait is only a minute or two and the doors open up. I let China and Ms. Anne get on first and by themselves, with the bags they are each carrying, they take up majority of the space. One thing I hate is being pressed into tight spaces, especially when it could have been prevented.

"Um, Anne, I am not too big on tight spaces so I'll just meet you upstairs by the elevator door, okay?"

"You sure. sweetheart?" I nod my head yes and start to walk towards the stairs before she can question me further. Lucky for me Chasity is only on the second floor, or else I would have been forced to squeeze myself into that claustrophobic elevator with them. I make my way up the stairs and try to walk as fast as I can with all of my bags tugging at my arms and shoulders. I walk up the first flight and pause to catch my breath before I have to make my way up the second flight. As soon as I make it to the top a feel someone, or something, push pass me down the stairs.

"Ah, dang!" I slam back into the wall and I have to grab onto the rail for support from falling back down the stairs. It feels like a linebacker just rammed into me.

"Oh, sorry mi--" The voice makes me jump and I look down to see a very tall guy looking up at me. I didn’t notice he was still standing there. He looks at me weird and I can't help but notice how good looking he is. Wow, is every guy here just automatically gorgeous? How do girls in this building function? For a while we are just awkwardly staring at each other, but after about two minutes he seems to snap out of it and his expression changes to a blank expression. His mind seems to flash back to what was previously on his mind and just like that our gaze is broken. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there." He swiftly finishes his way down the steps and I notice a little girl struggling to keep up behind him. She looks about six years old and she does not break eye contact with me until she can't see me anymore. That entire encounter has left me confused and frozen in my place against the wall at the top of the stairwell.

China and Anne are probably wondering what has happened to me. I shake the past five minutes off and proceed down the hall to Chasity’s apartment number.

"Sydney! There you are. What took you so long?" Anne has her hands on her hips and is giving me a curious look. I roll my eyes at the fact that she is already questioning me and that they have not already gone into Chasity’s house when Anne has the key.

"I ran into someone. Why haven’t you guys gone in yet?"

"Just waiting on you! I wanted you both to walk in at the same time.” I roll my eyes at the dramatization of China and I moving in with Chasity. “Well we need to go ahead inside so that I can catch my flight. Let's do this!" I roll my eyes as she steps ahead of us to unlock the door. The view surprises me but doesn't at the same time because it has Chasity written all over it. Chasity’s apartment is so different from the building itself and all the dull interior design we passed throughout the halls. Chasity’s apartment walls are painted different colors and she has very chic and unique furniture all over the apartment. Now it's not a huge apartment, but it's bigger than what I had assumed it would be. Based on the structure of the building I expected her apartment to be a hole in the wall.

The living room is light green, but the color of the walls change as you look into her very, very confined kitchen. Then the wall changes to a bright, lemon colored yellow. The beginning of her apartment alone is very bright and vibrant. I can’t wait to see what the rest of the apartment looks like.

"Oh okay, I so underestimated, Chasity. This is BEYOND nice!" China doesn't hesitate to take a look around and starts to head down the hallway before us. She starts calling Chasity’s name, but she never receives a response. I notice the note sitting on the counter to the kitchen. I pick it up off the counter and it reads:

Dear Syd & China,

I have to work until 5:00 tonight. I wanted to get off earlier but my boss was being a......Syd you know the word. So Annie said that you guys would get here around 2:30, so feel free to do whatever until I get back. China, I can't wait to see how big you've gotten. Syd, I'm heartbroken about what happened to mom and dad, and I'm sorry grandma is sick, but I want you to know that I will try to be there for you always like mom, and try to always be your protector like dad. I love you both and we'll talk more in person. Smooches....XOXOX                                 -Chasity

Yep, that's my sister for you. Even during times of sadness she finds a way to be high-spirited. One day I hope to gain her same ability to work to bring up everyone around her. That is another reason I hated the fact that she did not come back around even after mom and dad died. I needed her strength and optimism to pull me out of the dark when I felt like I was drowning. I place the note back on the counter and turn to face Anne

After a few last comments and remarks, Annie hugs us both then rushes out of the building. We're finally free of her and we have a few hours to kill. What to do, what to do?

"Syd, can we go for a walk?" I turn to look at China and she's just turned away from everything. Only thing she can see is the door. I can tell she misses it, them, everything. Of course we can take a walk, because I don't feel like unpacking and I do not want to be here either. I already miss our old life and we have only been living with Chasity for five seconds. Maybe it won't be so bad though. I set Chasity's note back down on the counter and walk towards the door. Since she moved out of the house I've never had alone time with Chasity and to be completely honest she's like a stranger to me.

"Yea, come on. I think a walk is just what we need." We used to live here. In Chicago. This is our hometown. Born and raised in Chi-Town. Now we're back and this time we don't have parents to guide us anywhere. I never wanted to come back here, but my grandma's nurse said that it would be bad for my grandmother to have to watch after two kids while keeping her health in check. I told them I could have taken care of her and that I am not a child. I will do anything for her. She is the only mom I have left.

I grab my phone and headphones and follow China down the hall towards the elevator. China presses the button and we wait to risk our lives on a ride down to the first floor. You can hear the elevator wailing and screeching as it rises up to us. Finally pausing, the doors open and we cautiously step on. China presses the one button and the doors close silently, then the screeching begins again as we return to the first floor. Mental note: Stairs for the remainder of my time here.

Also another mental note: Don’t make this elevator a representation of my time here. Although I am not ecstatic about being back in Chicago this is my senior year of high school and I want to aim at being better than myself. I grew a comfort zone in Florida cuddling up under my grandmother, hanging out with the same group of people, and still being able to stay closed in and closed off. I let my parents’ deaths completely center my life and attitude, but I am willing to snap back for the betterment of myself. No relationships. Strictly friendships and an open mind to new opportunities.

China and I walk back down the first floor’s narrow hallway towards the door and exit out of the building to find the same two guys sitting in the same spot. I politely nod and smile to both of them again as China and I make our way down the steps.

Mom, dad, I'm home. I might not want to be here, but it seems that I have no choice.

I follow China just letting her go where she feels she wants to. We end up at the Pier and I go and lean on the rail. The water looks so peaceful. I allow my myself to get caught up in a deep daze.

For some reason the face of the guy I encountered in the hallway pops up. Why did he give me such a strange look? I mean, he did run into me, not the other way around. Maybe he is just having a bad day.. I don't know. Why meddle in what has nothing to do with me? He has probably forgotten all about what happened. He seemed to be focused on another problem he was having, soo..I just should not stress about it.

Oh, whatever, it doesn’t even matter. Maybe I will never have to see him again, well, maybe I will not have to run into him again. Of course I will probably see him, we live in the same building.

At least he apologized.

*

*

*

*

*

~~Dominic~~

"I do not have time to be dealing with your nonsense! Your father is trying to sleep! Will you keep your voices down before he comes out here and beats the both of you?" Auntie Missy has been yelling at her kids all day! It is making my head hurt, and Hope is getting irritated. She needs to beat these kids, and maybe then they will actually behave. They both groan and I roll my eyes from the couch. My sister and I need a break from this.

I look down at Hope and she is laying down on my lap trying to ignore them. Their voices have grown louder than the TV. I grab the remote and turn the volume up to try and drown them out, but it does not help.

"Momma, Nick took my candy and he won't give it back!" My cousins are nine and twelve years old. Why are they acting like they are Hope's age? That is why Auntie loves Hope and I so much because we never argue. Well, I think part of the reason is because Hope barely talks to anyone, but me. Every now and then she acts like her normal self, but not a lot. It is very rare that I get to see the sister I had before our parents passed. She was very light and friendly, like our mother, but also very sassy. I look down at Hope again and she is pretending to be focused on the television.

My cousins’ bickering only gets louder and I try to help my aunt out some so that some peace and quiet can return.

"Look, Nick give Aaliyah back her candy. Be mature for once, you're almost a teenager." He looks at me and sticks his tongue out like the little brat I have known him to be since he was born. "Why did we have to come here? My sister acts older than both of you and she's only six. STOP complaining about some damn candy and start learning to be thankful that you even have it." Again, they keep arguing like I have said nothing. I roll my eyes and turn back around. One more minute in this house and I think my head will explode.

“Come on, Hope. You want to go for a walk?” I say it in a whisper so only she can hear me. Without looking up at me she shakes her head yes. I pick Hope up off the couch and set her down on the floor. I grab her hand and lead her towards the door. After everything that we have had to deal with in the past year or so, two brats fighting over candy is not about to be added to the list. Moving in with my aunt and uncle was not hard until the summer came and we were forced to be around Nick and Aaliyah all day, almost everyday.

"Dee, where are we gonna go?" My sister looks at me with her big brown eyes. They remind me of our mother's eyes and every time I look into Hope’s I feel our mother’s warmth.

"Anywhere you want, okay?" She nods her head then I open the door so that we can leave.

"Dominic, where are y'all going baby?" I look back at my auntie and my cousins are standing behind her watching me, their candy forgotten. My uncle is getting up, I can hear him bumping into things. Aaliyah and Nick look at their parents’ bedroom afraid that they are the reason their dad has woken up.

"For a walk. Just call me when dinner’s ready." I hear my aunt call my name but I continue out the door without another word. I know she is not to blame for their behavior, but at the same time she is. Nick and Aaliyah must always have something preoccupying there time in order to keep them quiet.

"Ah, dang!" I hear this beside me and look to see that I just rammed into this girl. Where did she even come from?

"Oh, sorry mi--" I start to apologize, but she looks very familiar. She is very pretty though, she looks pissed off about me bumping into her. For a little while we are just staring awkwardly. Something about her seems very familiar, but I just don't know what. I realize I have been staring at her, and I stop myself. What is wrong with me? She probably thinks I am a freak now. Automatically I remember where I was going and why. My attitude returns and I apologize before I storm off again. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there. Excuse me!" I swiftly march past her and make my way towards the stairs. I was practically dragging Hope, but she wasn't saying anything. I slow my pace so that she does not have to work so hard to keep up with me. Once we are outside, I release her hand and we start to walk down towards the Pier.

"Dee, you should have apologized." Wait, what? What is she talking about? Is this about when I ran into that girl?

"Hope, is this about the girl? I did apologize..." She shakes her head at me and turns it away from me.

I don't know what she's talking about, but hey, maybe she'll explain later. I can never understand her. She doesn't act like herself anymore. Ever since the accident, she doesn't talk to anyone except me. And half the time when she talks to me it is very short like now. I don't know why since the reason they are dead, I feel, is my fault. I remember it like it was yesterday...

"Dee, look I drew a pony!" I heard Hope yell this from the backseat. I wanted to look at it, but I couldn't take my eyes off of the road. One glance off the road and my dad would have flipped.

"Sweetheart, Dominic can't look right now, but I'll look at it for you if you want me to." My mom was trying to cover for me, so that Hope wouldn't feel too upset or neglected. She understood though. Even back then she was my best friend.

"No mommy it's Dee's pony, I'll wait for him to see it." She'd just turned six a week ago and was already trying to act more mature and not cry about everything.

"Son, make sure you watch these tricky cars alright? Some of these people sneak up on you like those female lions." He started to laugh at his own "joke" and his laugh makes me laugh. He stayed doing that, but that was one of his best traits. My dad wanted me to drive some of the way just so I could practice for my driving test once we got back from vacation. There weren't a lot of cars out with us so I was driving a little sloppy, but good enough to the point where my dad would not say anything.

"Yes sir." After about an hour everyone was asleep in the car except for me and my mom. She was whispering on the phone to one of her clients. She did hair and was good at it. Her clients were always calling and bugging her about when she would be back in town whenever she left. I could hear her scribbling in her appointment book trying to help someone set a date for when she got back in town.

I could feel myself getting tired and I let out a huge yawn that caused me to close my eyes momentarily. I don't remember much after that....but the last sounds I remembered was the hitting of brakes, the screams of my mom, and the colliding of cars.

I was still in the car when my eyes opened and my vision was blurry but I could hear screaming of names and other things. I don't remember what the names were, but I hope they made it out alive, because I barely did. I could hear Hope calling my name in the backseat, but my vision was fading. She sounded far away, then near by, far away, then near by.

Longest moment of my life.

Yea, I fought for my life that day. Doctors said I had lost GALLONS of blood and that I wasn't supposed to even be standing here today. It was another one of the longest moments of my life sitting in that hospital bed having to only eat certain foods, and drink a lot of liquids. My aunt and uncle came to take care of Hope until I got better. Then once I could finally leave, they took me home with them.

Their small apartment with their two kids I mean. That place has never really ever felt like home. I can not wait until I leave. I plan to go to college somewhere locally, so I can still take care of Hope. I want to use football to gain a full ride, then I can just pay for my own apartment with my parents' insurance money. Hope can come live with me, and I can drive her to school once I get a car. I have thought about this long and hard. I do not want her growing up cramped in that apartment with those two spoiled brats. Our aunt and uncle are not that bad, but they are so busy with their business that I am always stuck watching their kids after school.

I know I should be grateful that my aunt and uncle took us in, but I can not stand the living conditions and I want better for my sister. Especially since she has to grow up without our parents around.

You know, all the needles that were stuck into me, all the wounds they had to fix, and everything in between, that night, did not hurt as much as losing my parents. There were days that I questioned why I was even allowed to live. I'm glad that I am living  though, because then my sister would have had to fight the sadness alone. She needs my support.

I am watching her stand against the wooden rails on her tip toes trying to watch these two ducks pl-----nooo that is not playing!

"Hey, Hope....look at this." I see a man on a boat with maybe his son, or nephew, and they are fishing.

"What they doing?" She stares at them as if the answer is within watching their every move.

"Fishing. That's how people get that good fried catfish and shrimp that you like. They fish for it." I get a smile out of her. I don't get those often either, and I am the only one that can get them from her.

"I'm gonna be a fisher when I grow up." That's what she says now, but I believe it is going to change in the future. It always does. Whatever she chooses, I am going to be right there supporting her, guiding her, and helping her to become the best at it. I love my sister to death. She reminds me of both of my parents. Pretty like my mother, but strong like my father. Both were really smart and my sister could probably beat me at any kind of school work, even though she is only six. She's the only thing I have in this life, and once she's gone, what do I have to live for except for a future without her?

I want her to get as much support from me as possible, because you never know when your life is going to end. You can be the best person on this planet, but when it is time for you to leave this earth, there will be nothing stopping you from leaving. I want her to have me for as long as God permits, because if I am gone, she has no other family that will love her like I do. NO ONE will.

My baby sister is my life.

I watch Hope closely making sure she does not fall through the rails. One thing she did not get from the family was our height. I sit back on the rail for support and I glance in front of me because I see movement. Then I recognize the girl from the hallway.

Her head is bent and she is looking at her phone with her earphones in. She is standing out with another girl, probably about like twelve or thirteen.

I really hope that she does not think bad of me. She was pretty. She is pretty. I watch as she pulls one of her headphones out and starts talking to the other girl. I guess she asked her a question or something, because the girl responds, then goes and sits on the bench. She plugs her headphone back into her ear and lays down on the bench.

"Dee, look he caught a big one!" Hope's voice pulls my attention away from my mystery girl and I look out at where she is pointing. The older man has caught what looks like a catfish or something, I don't know. Hope seems so excited and amazed by it, that I share the moment with her. No telling when she will ever smile like this again. It is just too rare.

She reaches up and grabs my hand.

"I'm gonna catch a fish like that when I grow up." My mouth perks up into a smile.

"I bet you will, Hope." We both are silent as we stand and watch the two guys priding over their catch. Watching them makes me miss my dad. Even though he and I never went fishing, he did take the time to do other things with me that helped us bond. Football in the backyard, watching the game together, going to our spot and just talking...the list goes on and on.

Loud laughter breaks me out of my thoughts. When I turn my head in the direction of where the girl is, I see she has company now. Oh, I know him. Kyle. He goes to school with me and lives in our building. We are not just close friends, but he is definitely a character. I see he is warming up to the new girl.

I don't want them to catch me staring, but she is interesting to watch...I don't know why, but she is.

Every now and then, if they both laugh really loud or if I just can not help it, I turn my head and glance over at them. Well, if she can get along with Kyle and make him laugh, then obviously she must be pretty cool. I just hope she does not think I am a bad person.

Maybe since Kyle is over there now I can just go over and say hey to him, then work my way into a conversation with her and apologize again. Eh, that would be awkward. Things like that never go the way I plan it. It does not even matter because I have no reason to impress her anyways. I do not have time to be worrying about whether I made her mad or not. For all I know she probably forgot all about the encounter between us.

I bet she has and I would not be surprised if she has. She does not seem like the type to linger on something as small as bumping into me in the hallway. Probably has more important things on her mind.

Wait, why am I still stuck on this? I barely know the girl, yet I am trying to figure out her life story and make up some answer to a question that I can not ask her myself. This is crazy.

I will not sit here and let this girl get to me.

I have more important things to think about.