HATE FALL LOVE

Chapter 14

[BRIANNA's POV]

Waking up that next morning, I knew I had to face another day trying to cope up with the feelings I had been dealing with in regards to Kent. As I walked out of my bedroom, trodding down the stairs, and seeing both of my parents sitting quietly at our dinner table, I suddenly felt something was about to happen.

It was the gut feeling and I was never mistaken. Because when my mother finally spoke up, her words caught me in a shock.

"Your sister is coming back, Brianna."

The realization of these words echoing inside my head became a trigger for me to understand the weight of this matter. My stepsister was coming back. Kent's first love, the only girl I saw he really loved so dearly was coming back... and now what will happen to us? To me?

Emily... why was she going to come back here though?

"She's staying here, honey. She called me two weeks ago," my mother simply explained as if hearing my thoughts. I looked across the table, towards my dad and tried to analyze the situation. Something was amiss, and yet I can't point it out. And so, I blurted the only question I had in my head.

"Why?"

My dad merely gave me a quick glance as he kept his silence, forcing my mom to answer the question for me. Mom took a deep breath first and for a few seconds, she seemed to hesitate before eventually speaking.

"She's having some issues with the father of her child."

That was all she said. But there was an underlying implication that there was something else other than just "issues". I suddenly felt guilty, swallowing down the forming lump in my throat, feeling like my chest was getting heavier the more I thought of it. I tried to keep a straight face, but I could feel my brows knitting as I looked down on the empty plate on the table in front of me.

"Is it that bad?"

The atmosphere felt intense but neither mom nor dad ever said anything else. I could just simply assume the answer in the thickening stillness. I focused on trying to have some breakfast but I suddenly lost my appetite, dreading the idea that I had to face Emily again.

And that thought reminded me of Kent. He's definitely going to choose her this time. If he figures out why Emily was coming back... he might really go after her and take her back.

This was all just too messed up.

I knew it. The situation was never the good thing to start with. The agreement to fake a relationship with Kent Knight was just too good to be true. And even when I was starting to feel that there could possibly be a chance that he might fall in love with me, for real, it was just too much of a wish.

I could feel it. That once Emily comes back, he will quickly turn his back on me and chase after her again. There was just that growing fear in the back of my head that had been holding me back ever since I agreed to pretend as Kent's girlfriend.

Thinking far ahead, I started to worry about how I would tell Kent the truth... that Emily was coming back. His first love was going to appear again. It squeezes my heart. The very thought that I will watch him go lovesick over Emily once again...

That just made me feel so totally broken.

-------------------------

Meeting Kent Knight as he drove me to school was awkward on my end.

I could not look him in the eye and I knew that he also sensed that something was wrong but I was glad that he never asked about it. He just quietly went on and spent the next fifteen minutes of our car ride listening to some lo-fi music. Though I could feel that he was getting more anxious that I looked completely bothered.

When we arrived at school, I just gave him a brief thanks and stepped out of the car. He followed me behind and we went on with our routine, holding hands since it became a habit. Everyone still kept glancing our way though. The fact that we were now dating felt more like a punishment for me this time, however. And I could not brush off the nagging feeling that everything will fall apart soon.

It was by the second class that I finally let out a long sigh of relief because I could finally meet Jess and tell her everything. When I spilled the beans on her, she did not even try to hide her shock and disappointment.

"What are you going to do now?"

That was the heavy question I still yet to figure out. I made a face and shook my head, showing how I was too burdened by it. Jess simply gave me a look of sympathy, patting me on the shoulder because she knew that was the only thing she could do for me. The situation was too problematic.

"Maybe it's just temporary," Jess tried to lighten it up, "Maybe they were just having marriage blues or something. She might just be missing home since she left with no notice. I guess, she was now trying to work things out with your parents."

That was also the same reason I was trying to make myself believe. I can't think anything else because if this was something more than what this was, I knew what will happen next. My sister might still have regrets and even though I don't really know what she was thinking when she had left our home to live with that guy who got her pregnant, she might be starting to realize now her mistakes.

And what if she still has feelings for Kent? What if this was something that would bring them back together?

"I don't want to be selfish," I admitted out loud after a long moment of contemplating, "Yet I can't help but hate this situation."

"I know how that feels," somehow, hearing Jess say those words undid me and I held back the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes.

"I know how much he loves her, Jess..." I whispered in utter regret, remembering the past that had brought me to a painful state, "And I know that they should be together. I know how much they love each other."

With that claim, I gave up. This was the moment of truth. And I just have to force myself to accept it. I can never have Kent.

---------------

[KENT's POV]

"I think I did something wrong."

Meeting Brianna during lunch just proved my suspicions. She was definitely getting cold and something was wrong. I kept trying to remember the last time we spoke. Maybe she was now having regrets. Maybe witnessing the violence I had to face with those damn bastards made her feel that I was no good.

I felt too worried. I can't just keep this as it was. I had to make her see that I was trying to change for good.

"I messed up, didn't I?" Voicing out my thoughts to my pals brought them altogether to share the same worried faces. They stared back at me as we hang out by the empty bleachers, spending lazy hours while we skipped the rest of the afternoon classes. Though I had been trying to change my habits recently to improve my image at school and as Brianna's boyfriend, I was no longer in the mood today to keep up the act.

Sighing heavily, I glanced at my friends, my lips thinning with apparent anxiety shown on my face. They each tried to put up a smile on their faces but it didn't give me any sort of reassurance. Feeling the gravity of my worries, I turned my back on them and stared across the empty fields in front of me.

I soon felt a tap on the shoulder and immediately knew it was Wade.

"She'll come around man," he then told me with empathy, adding, "The important thing now is that those f****** won't come after us anymore."

That was one thing I really tried to make sure will work. After that incident that Brianna had witnessed last time, I felt too cautious of having her around me all the time, because I was unable to tell when would be the next trouble to come again. I did not want her to experience the same danger. She was almost hurt... And I wanted to keep her safe as much as possible. Yet if that also meant, I have to change and end all of my bad behavior at once, maybe it was about time I do.

"Don't think too much about it, Knight," Wade brought me out of my thoughts and I turned to give him a straight look in the eye, aware of what he wanted to tell me.

"I know that I am acting all too soft lately, Wade," I confessed with guilt in my voice, assuming that this was the right time to talk about this matter with him. After all, I still owe him and our guys an explanation if I was ever going to quit the gang.

"But I know you understand where I'm coming from."

Wade's eyes widened a little and he slowly gave me a bitter smile as he shook his head and looked away, saying, "That's why I can't complain, man. I know you'd pull that card on me."

He totally knew I was going to use that. And he might even be in the same state as I was now, judging from how he had reacted to my words. The truth was, he has been going nuts over Brianna's friend as well and I pretty much guessed that their situation was not that far from how it is between me and Brianna too.

We were two peas in a pod and I knew that Wade will never hold me back if I was ever going to choose to leave the group for good.

The thing is, I had been trying to think about quitting the gang for quite some time now. I had only been delaying my decision because I really did not know if I could ever leave. But ever since that night that Brianna changed everything inside my heart, I quickly came to a sound decision that there was nothing else to do. I had to quit and get better.

Perhaps, I might just be using Brianna and our "pretend" relationship as an excuse to make the guys understand me better. Maybe I was really done with the rebelling phase. The badboy image was no longer appealing and I found something else more valuable than just being "cool".

I want to be a better man. When Emily left, that was the only regret I have been trying to deal with, realizing that I can never be the guy for her. Not even close to being the one who could help and protect her from the cruelty of this harsh world. I really thought I can never get over that guilt and fear of letting myself become vulnerable to someone again... But Brianna happened.

And she... was so different. Maybe, I already knew this from the start, that there has always been something special in her, I just didn't want to acknowledge it and I was too blinded by my childish infatuation towards her stepsister. However, after she kissed me...

I just kind of knew it.

The feeling hit me.

This was too different from when I was still in love with Emily though. Emily brought me liberty, confidence, and courage. But with Brianna... it was the opposite.

Brianna made me feel shy, she made me want to become better, she made me want to face my fears and accept that I was also a weak person... That I had imperfections and I also have to deal with my mistakes. I didn't want to be just free and passionate with Brianna. What I now realized was that, I also wanted to be a completely deserving person.

I want to be the guy who would make her feel safe.

I smirked and gave Wade a heavy pat on the back, appreciating how he remained calm and considerate despite not agreeing with my decision. Initially, he was really against about me leaving the gang, but I knew he would still let me go. And I was really just grateful he has always been dependable and sincere.

"I hate dramas," Wade muttered at me, "But this is an exception, just so you know."

I grinned as he laughed back at me and we soon turned around to face our friends who were just quietly watching behind us. The look they gave me proved that they all knew what I was going to do now.

"I'm not good at bullshit farewells," I started, laughing as the guys snorted at my words, "This isn't goodbye though. So yeah, I'm whipped so curse me."