I'm Sorry, Don't leave Me!

Four Love Signs

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Cor. 13:4-8) 

“How would you know if someone like you?” Iclyn asked out of nowhere when we were at the table near the grotto of St. Elizabeth at the corner of Shalom garden for our lunch. 

All of us were stunned, mouth agape, unable to speak or move with our eyes glued only at Iclyn who was nibbling the last bite of fried chicken in her lunchbox. The remarkable silence ensued and everyone was thinking if we have heard it right.  

It was the playful Jayvee who always has some jokes stuffed in his pocket that broke the silence. 

“Iclyn….are you okay? Do you have a fever? The playful Jayvee touched Iclyn’s forehead unable to believe that the words we just heard came from the mouth of the reticent, detached, cold and deadpan Iclyn. 

“According to the human thermometer…She is perfectly in good condition with an approximately 35.5 degree celcius” Jayvee continued in his usual high pitch voice which showed his exuberance. 

“Guys…I demand for an answer.” Iclyn made a follow up of her question which meant that she was terribly serious. I drank my water and gulped it rapidly to clear the heart that was also thrilled to know the signs if someone like you. 

“Haha…nice question Iclyn!” I laughed at the back of mind. 

“Really, Iclyn? You are interested in those things?” Hydra countered while searching for the truth in Iclyn’s eyes. 

“Of course… I’m a normal human person that also feels what Steff feel too.” She said with beaming confidence and sheer seriousness. 

“Iclyn, you are a woman now… Congratulations… such a big achievement for you.” Zariah made a mock celebratory statement thinking that it was at all a joke. She tapped Iclyn’s shoulder which made Iclyn uncomfortable and shook her half body sideways like trying to shoo a bug that hopped on her. Zariah stopped and sit nearer to Jayvee. 

I keep my mouth shut while waiting for someone to answer Iclyn’s dilemma.  

“Can you give us the context so, we could together analyze the situation.” Hydra began to roll the ball. 

“Back to analysis again…” I complained silently. 

“Do you know about Kim Seok Jin, guys?” She asked us with growing excitement. 

“Of course, your Idol Korean Singer and dancer which kept you glued unto the tablet and rewarded you with dark “bugs” around your eyes. Jayvee retorted with sharp comment but mispronounced the word bug which made Zariah burst into laughter. 

“BUGS? Where’s the bugs around her eyes..? You mean b-u-g-s---the insect thingy or bags ---b-a-g-s?” was her quick response to Jayvee’s mispronounced word with slight mocking. 

“Ahhh..yes..yes! I mispronounced the word…Oh goodness my Visayan tongue!” He said referring to his speech regional defect---mispronunciation of vowels like long e became short e or long a-- short u, etc.) while making unusual body gestures. We smiled at his peculiar way of dealing with his shortcomings. 

“My apology to the lone English major here.” Jayvee and looked at Zariah at ease with his difficulty and made a quick bow. 

They both hugged and we smiled while watching the two reconciled after a slight squabble---thing that was not new to us because every time we were together, there’s no moment that they don’t squabble with each other. When their moment passed, the attention was back to Iclyn who was containing her growing excitement. 

“Okay, what about him?” Eirene made a follow up focusing all her attention to Iclyn trying to decipher both the verbal and non-verbal cues. 

“He sent me a friend request in facebook.” She cannot contain her giggles and excitement which made her jump wildly. We were stunned—very surprised at her actions. 

“Weeehhhh…Unbelievable…let us see!” Florien and Larissa said in chorus and prodded Iclyn to open her account and see the proof. Iclyn quickly opened her account and we all looked out at the screen of her tablet. 

“Its a prankkkk..!” Florien shouted laughingly and we all look at her.  

“Look can you not distinguish…it is a fan page! Goodness!” She said while rolling her eyes. "Someone has just added her and sent her a request." she continued and pointed at the corner of the screen.

We all laugh to shoo away Iclyn's disappointment but she was deeply hit and now was shrugging her shoulders. Eirene noticed her and send her back to reality. 

“Iclyn…first and foremost to know if someone like you in reality is to meet them personally. You can never know that a person like by just sending you a friend request in social media without meeting you or him. Real liking comes with knowing the person not only the name and his physical features but what he comprises—his character and behavior. Never believe if someone say to you “I love you or I like you” without even knowing what makes you laugh and cry. Do you get me?” Eirene said in her usual sympathetic voice. We nodded in chorus—laughter died down seeing the down hearted Iclyn.  

While Iclyn poured her heart out to us, my mind was racing to find connections of Anthony liking me. I made a quick checklist in my head and tick the ones that were relevant. 

• Meets personally---Checked. 

• He knows my behavior---Checked 

• He does what makes me laugh ---Checked 

• He knows what makes me cry--- NO 

“Dim and blurry! Erase…erase…erase..” I said inwardly and erased everything in my head as I refocused my attention to Iclyn who was now drinking the unsolicited advice given by Hydra and Eirene. When we sensed that everything was already okay with Iclyn’s heart, the bell rang which signaled the start of classes and to some of us—time for duty. 

We dispersed immediately like cats running when the rain is pouring and quickly rushed to attend our priorities. 

“Bye…bye.. everyone! See you” each one said to one another as we finished washing our lunchboxes. 

I hurried to the Dean’s office for my duty assignment. My heart raced because I knew my boss was very particular when it comes to punctuality. I went inside the office silently walking like a cat aiming for a catch. Anthony saw me as I opened the door. I signaled him to keep quite not wanting to get the boss’ attention. He smiled at me. 

“She looked for you earlier!” he mouthed that revealed his aligned newly brushed teeth and clean red tongue. I went to his side as I wanted to know the details. 

“What did you say?” I asked in curiosity while staring at him waiting for his response. 

“I said that you will be late because the professor asked you a favor.” He whispered. 

“You lied for me?” I said in disbelief. 

He nodded and gave me a faint shy smile. 

“You don’t have to do that! Dishonesty is against the rules—you could be punished for doing that.” I said in my worry keeping a low voice. 

“You could be punished too if she caught you being late. I choose you over me.” He gazed at me and I saw the care and sincerity in his eyes. 

My heart melted for such thoughtfulness and self-sacrifice. 

“I don’t want to see you suffer and cry.” He said with his sheer concern. 

“You know what makes me cry?” My eyes popped out in its socket in disbelief while I am dying in my thrill because my last item in the checklist can be ticked now and it’s a yes. 

“Sort off…who would like to be punished though.” He retorted. 

“Precisely no one…and that includes you!” I said hiding my excitement and thrill with my low voice. 

“In this case…it’s a no…I’d rather be punished than seeing you suffer.” He smiled meaningfully at me while I was wallowed in my concoct feelings of guilt and happiness. 

Guilt because I soon will have to continue the lying part and happiness because Anthony showed some signs of love and concern.  

“But according to my judgment I have to set things right. Lying cannot be a way to spare someone from unhappiness—remember that the truth shall set us all free.” I said convincingly and with steely determination. 

He smiled even more meaningfully with sparks of admiration in his eyes. 

I went to my boss and apologize for being late. Though my boss was strict, she was capable of listening to my reasons weighing if they were valid or not. In my case—it wasn’t because of unmindfulness so I was punished to clean the Comfort Room for the whole week and to give extra time for duty. 

I sighed as I find a way how to adjust my time to the addendums of things I needed to do. Thankfully, Anthony helped me and I survived for the whole week. With this experience, my heart fell more for him and I can’t help it. 

The week passed quickly and all of us were excited for the semestral break. My friends cannot hide the eagerness and anticipation. They planned their itinerary which includes swimming and hiking. 

Unfortunately, I cannot go with them because my Province was the farthest. I am okay with that actually because it will be a time spent for my family. 

Anthony on the other hand will go home in Aurora, Quezon which he proudly claimed as the safest and greenest Province with mountains rich in greens, vast lakes and seas that surround the place.  

“Steff… where will you be staying for the break?” He asked with eyes full of curiosity. 

“In  Luneta park.” I said in jest while smiling at him. 

“Why …do you want to offer me a place?” I said further while fixing my gaze at him waiting for his reply. He lowered his head. 

“I wish I could bring you home.” were the words came out suddenly from his mouth which I didn’t expect. I hardly contained my chortle. 

“Is it funny?” He said, eyes met mine and I saw the glimmer again. 

“It appeared a joke to me because who am I to be brought to your home?” I replied wanting to elicit something from him. 

“You’re a woman..” he said with a period. 

“You know…, to tell you honestly, there’s something wrong in your statement.” I made a remark. 

“What is it!” he said, playing innocent. 

“In our place if you say to a woman, “I wish I could bring you to my home”, It will have a different impression.” I burst laughing. 

“Continue…”  the shrewd Anthony wanted to put me in his trick. 

“It means you wished that woman to be your ….” I deliberately stopped conscious of my words. 

“Continue..” he prodded.. “I’m all ears.” He concentrated. 

“Your woman!” I said hurriedly and abruptly. 

“Can you be?” Anthony made a plain, simple, indirect courting that goes directly to my heart. 

I blushed, giggled and gently slapped his side.  

If others would see me they can really tell that I liked Anthony. I wondered if Anthony was ever aware of that. 

“It’s ridiculous..” I made a sharp comment when I get hold of myself. 

“No..it’s not…where’s the odd? I’m a man and you are a woman except if it’s the other way around.” He said with defensiveness. 

“The odd is that we are here and we cannot be together,” I said with force. 

“It’s a prankkk!” He beamed with much enjoyment. 

“I just tried you.” He confessed and I was embarrassed. 

“You are so mean!” I countered. 

“Don’t you know that I am serious?” I looked at him angrily and left. 

“Steff …I am sorry..!” He said at my back as he grabbed my wrist. I struggled to get loss of his iron grip. He pulled me nearer and side hugged me. My mind was reeling unable to distinguish my breathing from the beating of my heart. My face was all red and I felt so incredibly hot even if the office was air-conditioned. 

“Say that you forgive me before I would let go.” He demanded. 

I composed myself before speaking out. 

“Okay…okay…but I shall tell you, please never put a girl’s heart into unrest by your words if you don’t mean those. Got it?” I said while he slackened his hold and I walked towards the door. 

“What if I meant those?” He made to let out a word before the door closed. 

“Enough with the pranking Playboy!” I shouted outside the office in my annoyance and left Anthony broken knowing that he made a huge mistake.  

I played sulking and ignored Anthony the next day. We were in our unusual selves and it felt just so melancholic. He glanced at me from time to time trying to get my attention but I remain adamant and unshakeable. I was amused for the little revenge I’d put up. 

During the break, he was out in the office and went somewhere. This time I felt so bad because he didn’t exert effort just to make me okay. I decided to make my acting a reality to show him he wasn’t at all amusing. I was annoyed at his lack of response.  

Hmmmm… Girl-thing and girlish style.  

I prepared for my class and went to the wash room to fix myself not wanting to look miserable. 

When I came out, Anthony was already sitting at his desk, reading something. I picked up my bag and silently went out from the office to attend my class. 

I passed by him and he didn’t even look at me. I frowned and close the door with a bang. 

When I arrived at the classroom, Zariah was already there, since only the two of us had the same field but with different majors-I majored in Values Education while she took English. Mostly, we are classmates in General Education and Professional Education. I sat next to her. 

“What’s that face, Steff? It seemed that I can hang something at your frowning face.” She made her usual sharp remark.  

I remained silent. 

“Bad day? You guys have an LQ?(Lover’s Quarrel)” was her petty speculation.  

“Not now..Zar..” I said to her to mean that I haven’t had a good time. 

“Sorry…” She said in a low pitch. 

“I am just too tired…” I said to clear her speculations. “emotionally..” I said in continuation at the back of my mind and buried my head in the armchair.  

Zariah slightly tapped my back like putting someone to sleep. 

When the professors arrived, I opened my bag to get my notes when suddenly a paper folded thrice fell from my notebook. 

I picked it up and inserted it back to deal with it later after the class. 

One hour passed quickly and the class was done. Zariah and I separated rooms for the next class because it will be our major subjects. 

When I reached the next room, I sat quickly and hurriedly opened the folded paper that was inserted in my notebook to see the content of it. 

Lo and behold----Anthony’s letter to me. 

I silently giggled and the sun in my world shone at its brightest. The dark clouds of sulking disappeared and my heart have seen a glimmer of hope. 

I perused on the letter cursively written in a blank ink. 

My Steff,  was the heading I read. 

“My Steff?” I reacted smiling while covered my mouth with my one hand in order not to blurt out something that will invite unwanted attention. 

“I know that I am wrong with my way of expressing what I felt about you. I am sorry for the Prank. Though, it appeared to be just a joke to you and me playing a trick on you but I meant the word when I asked you if you can be MY WOMAN”  

I discontinued and rolled my eyes…  

“Old boy’s style.” I commented deep within. 

“I know too that this is all wrong and that I should not be courting you because of the sixth rule. Please let’s keep it secret. Will you?” 

I grinned.  

“Fearful guy.” I shook my head lightly. 

“I just don’t know what to do with these romantic delightful feelings I have for you every time I saw you.” 

“Better talk to Eirene Anthony about managing feelings—She’s good at it.”  was my side comment as if really talking to him in person. 

“So, I decided that even though it is very wrong—I should let you know. Sharing this with you might unload some of my love burden.” I continued reading and commenting. 

“Quite smart!” was my quick assessment. 

“I hope we can talk in person during the semestral break. I love you and see you MY STEFF!” He ended and he affixed his signature. 

"Got a flimsy heart here Anthony." I said at the back of my mind while I tucked back the letter in my bag and sighed in relief.

I cannot contain the thrill and the excitement. I grinned from ear to ear while reading again and again the last part of the letter. 

My classmates saw me and wondered what’s going on. I didn’t mind actually and continued with my happiness unable to let go with the Cloud nine feeling.