Not Real. Not Imaginary.

PART TWO: GREER. [A new way of seeing her]

“Why do you always ask me that?” I walked back towards her, and sat at the table on the place across from her.

She shrugged, and her soft smile came back to her face.

I don’t think she was conscious that she smiled most of the time, or of how adorable she really was.…

“Nina, I’m sorry…I know sometimes I am too overprotective, I just worry, and... I want you to be happy.”

“I know. And I am happy whenever I am here with you, so you don’t have to worry about that Greer.”

I smiled at her and decided, whatever I was feeling inside now…it was nothing compared to what this girl, in front of me, had to bear during…most of her life so far. If she could get through all of that, and still smile like that…whatever I had inside me now, was nothing to be worried about.

~~~~~

I had been awfully tired for a good couple of days, and lately I had always fallen asleep on the couch.

Why would a being like me, who lives outside everything, and inside everything at the same time, needed to sleep? The answer is very simple...I didn’t.

I didn’t need to sleep, but I had gotten used to it being in this realm for so long…being with Nina, for so long….there was something special, almost magical about being able to sleep next to her. I didn’t sleep all night anyways...I had to keep an eye on those damn darkness shards.

The shards, weren’t really shards…they were…dark entities…bad ghosts…demons! If you’d like. I call them shards, because they 'materialize' in glimpses...it’s like looking at a composed image, made by tons of small shards of glass. They are all around and feed on people’s energy. And Nina…Nina is like…a delicacy for them. They are attracted to her, like moths to a light bulb.

Nina has a special light. It irradiates from within her to her surroundings. If you could see it physically...you’d be blinded by it. I guess there’s no need to tell you that Nina wasn’t aware.

She was aware of some things…at some point. But, the rejection, mockery…loneliness…those harsh first years, made her reject everything she knew, in an attempt to be normal. And now, here we are....

Nina obviously thought I slept all night, as she sneaked away as soon as she felt I was ‘asleep’.

She was somewhat embarrassed of her…job, so, whenever she ‘needed’ to work, she sneaked away when she thought I was already asleep.

As much as I wanted to respect her choices…I hated her job. I thought it wasn’t for her. She was so sweet, and so…innocent… I felt like her job would rob her of that, not to mention the dangers she could’ve encountered there….

I knew why she did it…but I hated it. However, I understood, that I couldn’t shelter her from everything. She needed to face those kinds of things on her own, and I had to trust that she would be able to look out for herself. I needed to allow her to have some independence…to be able to experience the world on her own….

The first couple times she got paid for this, she fell into a shame and accomplishment spiral...she felt ashamed of getting what she wanted in that way, but accomplished she could do something to support herself…and hopeful, that she would never need to relay on anyone else to survive.

I heard her moving around in the studio, and sighed…. Sometimes I wanted to go inside, just to make sure everything was okay...people can be really nasty. But, I decided to trust in Nina’s strength. I decided to trust that Nina knew how to handle it...and that she would not allow any of those faceless characters to have the power to make her feel small again.

I don’t know how much time she was in there. To me, every minute she was away from my sight was like an eternity…and that’s saying a lot for someone…something…like me.

At some point I overheard something strange…She was talking with one of her spectators, most likely…but it was a bizarre conversation. It could be nothing…she didn’t sound distressed, more like…one would sound when we’re talking in a joke…tone…but…something was definitely odd.

There was someone apparently asking where she lived. He wanted to…give her a present?....

Every now and then, people wanted to give stuff to her. She was just that magnetic to all sorts of people…I mean…just look at the whole Terry situation. She had barely texted a couple days with Nina and suddenly, out of the blue, offered her money and a home.

It worried me to hear someone on that site, trying to get information about her though. I had a bad feeling. But since the other day with the whole…Terry thing…I realized, sometimes I was a bit paranoid about the things that concerned the people around her.

She was giggling, so, I guess…it was all a funny comment of someone…and all was…okay.

I sighed with relief, and waited until I couldn’t hear her voice, or any other noises any more.

I hesitantly walked to the studio door. I lifted my hand and was about to knock when I looked at my hand, and noticed I was still a male…and after she did all that…maybe it would be best if I…returned to being a female...just for now.

“Nina…can I…come in?” I spoke instead of knocking on the door. It seemed more… appropriate, for some reason.

After a moment of complete silence, she opened the door.

“Hey! You’re awake…why?”

She was only wearing an old oversized T-Shirt…but she still was breathtaking…she would be even more, without all that makeup...but I understood why she thought all of that was necessary.

The shirt served very good as pajamas…and I would usually be okay seeing her walking with such a…revealing…outfit, around the house. But now, I just felt restless. I knew I liked Nina, but this was just getting ridiculous…seeing how the shirt barely covered the necessary, leaving her legs completely at sight…I had to stop my mind from wandering towards those thoughts.

“I just…woke up and you weren’t there...I waited but...” I imagined for a moment, what would happen if I told her how beautiful she was...If I told her that she was making me experience feelings I had never experienced before in my long, long existence. But I just…got scared…I guess….

“You have something you want to say, right?” She asked me.

She was getting more and more perceptive by the day…I think…maybe she was…finally….

I shook my head at the thought. I had no way of knowing if she was starting to be herself again, or if she just knew me very well…so I just walked away and sat on the sofa. I pulled my knees to my chest and looked at the nothing, trying to convince myself that she just knew me very well…until I'd get another sign.

“I just wanted to know if you were ready to go to bed…” I hugged my knees and looked at her. I felt sadness and happiness at the time...restlessness and peace...concern and certainty….

I looked up at her, and found her staring with interest…and…it ignited something within me…a tiny flame…of hope....

“Well, I’ll just wash my face and I’ll be right there.” She closed the studio…as if she was afraid that I’d snoop around. Maybe I wanted to a bit…sometimes…but I also wanted to respect her privacy, even if that meant…having to be apart for a while.

She went into the bathroom and I heard water running. She would be out in a minute, so, I decided to wait in her room. The bed was extremely comfortable, and I just threw myself into it.

I sighed warily and looked towards Nina’s side of the bed. Her pillow always smelled so good…and it was so fluffy…I…felt the need to smell it, to hug it…I wished it was Nina, and the thought of just having her in my arms…it made me sad….

Just for a moment, I closed my eyes and inhaled her scent. It filled my lungs…my whole body…as if the scent had been carried all around inside through my veins after my lungs infused my blood with it…. And yes…while I was in this plane, in this form, I had veins, lungs, heart…the whole package…However, it was more show than functionality, really.

What good was it anyway, if she didn’t even think I was real, not even when I was in this…corporeal form. Although…I guess it made sense she would think I wasn’t really here when nobody else, but her, could see me.

All those complications of my own existence, made me curse myself. If it wasn’t because I am what I am…maybe I would be able to be closer to Nina. For now, however…I had to put those thoughts aside….

I felt so relaxed, filled with her scent, wishfully thinking of having Nina in my arms. At some point…I…felt a tranquility beyond my own comprehension, and then…I must’ve dozed off, because I suddenly heard her voice near…and I didn’t even feel her come into the room.