Not Real. Not Imaginary.

PART ONE: NINA. [Growing closer apart]

He seemed to be debating with himself, as if he thought he had said too much. However, I couldn’t understand what he meant, and seeing his reaction, I didn’t want to ask…for the time being.

The smell of the ramen filled the place and I quickly turned the burner off, took a bowl and served the ramen in it; then grabbed a fork and sat at the kitchen table to eat while I watched Greer sulk on the sofa.

“Are you sure you can’t at least pretend that you eat? It is yummy…” He looked at me apologetically, and I almost melted. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him as he walked towards me and sat in front.

“Why do you always ask me that?” His voice was soft, and a big sigh followed his question. “Nina, I’m sorry…I know sometimes I am too overprotective, I just worry, and I want you to be happy...”

I nodded and reached my hand up to ruffle his hair even more.

“I know. And I am happy whenever I am here with you, so you don’t have to worry about that Greer.” I smiled at him, and then turned my attention to the food in front of me.

He seemed satisfied with my answer and smiled from ear to ear, resting his left arm and right elbow on the table, to then use his hand as support and rest his chin as he watched me with content.

Even if Greer was imaginary, he slept every day, just as I did. We usually slept in the same bed, but sometimes he fell asleep while we watched TV together, like today. I stopped to look at his sleeping face for a moment, and chuckled to myself, remembering how he had recently received me upon me waking up, then, I covered him up with a blanket and left to the 'studio'.

I sighed and turned the computer and all the equipment on. I moved the lights until the right angle fell upon the set. I looked over all the outfits on the rack I kept there, and sighed heavily after looking at all of the revealing outfits.

It’s not that I regretted anything…but some days, the work weighed on me a lot more than others. Being a ‘Webcam Model’ (which was the term I used, instead of: ‘Cam Girl’) wasn’t as easy as it seemed, but I couldn’t do much more. I wasn’t exactly a people’s person, and every other job I could think of getting without any qualifications, involved treating with people.

After just staring at everything for a while, trying to get myself mentally ready for it, I changed into a pair of burgundy, silky boyshorts and a grey cotton crop top with the words ‘Yes Daddy’ stamped on the chest, with pink glitter. Then I did my makeup, making sure to use a lot, enough so that I wouldn’t look like myself at all. I really didn’t want anyone recognizing me, so I always used heavy makeup and a wig for my…shows.

I logged into my account and waited for people to show up. I chatted a bit with them while enough people got into the room and started showing interest. It didn’t really take me long at this point. I had been doing it long enough and had a faithful base of 'fans' that assisted every time, and I had enough recognition to be almost at the top of the page, so more people saw my nametag and clicked.

I started to play with my hair and flirt a little. The audience started to ask me to take my top off, to do this and that, so we went to 'Special time'. The money started to rain and it was time to give the public what they wanted.

After it was done, I thanked everyone and people started to leave the room, so I started saying my goodbyes. Flirting with everyone, sending a few kisses here and there, flashing one more time, smiling and…acting. As soon as everyone was gone, I turned the camera off and just laid back on the couch I used as the main piece of my set.

“Nina…can I…come in?” a crystalline, soft feminine voice came from the other side of the door.

I took a deep breath and quickly got some shorts and an oversized T-shirt on, and opened the door.

“Hey! You’re awake…why?”

“I just…woke up and you weren’t there...I waited but...” Greer seemed nervous, her hands were fidgeting nervously. She kept avoiding my gaze as I tried to discover what she was thinking.

“You have something you want to say, right?” She shook her head and walked back to the living room. Sitting back down and pulling her knees to her chest.

“I just wanted to know if you were ready to go to bed…” her hands hugged her knees and she rested her chin on them. She looked so helpless, and it made my heart feel a little heavy.

I knew Greer hated what I did, and I understood why; since she started showing up, we grew closer, and closer, to the point where we became a part of each other. We spent almost all day together, and now, with Terry, and this, she felt like I wasn’t with her enough. At least, that's what I thought.

“Well, I’ll just wash my face and I’ll be right there.” I walked to the bathroom as I closed the studio door, and I could feel her eyes following me.

I watched myself in the mirror, took a wipe and started to remove the ton of makeup that was suffocating my skin.

‘Luckily I don’t have to do this every day’ I thought to myself.

I only used so much makeup for this. Whenever I went out, mostly to meet up with Terry, I tried to use very little, to no makeup; Terry seemed to prefer it when I didn’t wear any, but I always felt so awkward…I felt so insecure without it. And Terry…well…Terry’s makeup was always perfect, classy and elegant. To be honest, I don’t think she needed it too much. I had seen Terry without makeup occasionally, and she could very easily get away without waring any…That was one more thing I envied from her.

I envied her face, and I envied her body. She was slim, and had a nice silhouette. She was well proportioned on the front and back. Nothing too big…, but she didn’t need it. I could say she practically had the physique of a lingerie model.

On the contrary, me…well…I really didn’t like my body at all. I was beyond chubby, weighing around 220lb and having a height of only 5’7”. I had loose skin here and there from all the dieting I tried in an attempt to look better, being accepted, and maybe loving myself a little more. But it was always in vain…. However, I was proud of the shape of my body. I had a nice hour glass silhouette…only that this hour glass’ clothes needed to be XL or XXL….

I would have never thought, however, that my body would help me so much. The first time someone offered me money for a couple of sexy pictures, I thought it was a joke. But they paid very well, so I started announcing myself in multiple places, until someone suggested I should try 'cam modeling'. And at that moment, I knew I could do something for myself, and maybe eventually I could stop depending on Terry’s money.

As if to get rid of those thoughts, I shook my head and sighed. I washed and dried my face and went directly to bed.

Greer was already sleeping there, hugging my pillow. I chuckled and she opened her eyes.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“It’s okay. I would’ve been sad if you hadn't, at least said goodnight...” Her voice was almost a whisper, a very sleepy whisper.

I laid down, on my side, looking at her. I tucked her hair behind her ear and gently patted her head. She responded to that by sliding closer towards me, and then, she leant closer and placed a tiny kiss on my forehead.

It was the first time she ever did that, and I didn’t know how to react. All I knew, was that I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted to stay awake and look at her sleeping face, for at least a while longer.

~~~~~

“Greer! I’ll go out for a couple of hours!”

Terry had sent me a text the night before, when Greer was already sleeping. A client cancelled so she had an opening in her schedule and wanted to see me. I read the text when I woke up and was now running frantically all around the apartment while I got ready and got some breakfast.

“Oh…I thought we could spend the day together watching movies…” She sounded so disappointed, that my heart suddenly ached, leaving me slightly confused.

Those sparkly eyes had been less sparkly throughout the last couple weeks, and I was worried, but every time I tried to ask Greer if something was wrong, it was like she knew and immediately cut me and started talking about something she knew I’d get distracted with.

“I’m sorry, well binge watch movies tomorrow, I promise.” I walked closer and cupped her cheek gently, and then tucked her hair behind her ear. “I’ll bring a lot of sweets and snacks~.” I replied in a singing tone.

“It’s okay, I understand. Just take care…and…well…don’t be out too long...” She was looking down and avoided eye contact at all cost. It almost made me want to text Terry and tell her I was sick or something. But knowing Terry, she’d be at my door in a heartbeat.

After the time Greer had kissed my forehead, I started doing the same. For some reason, I felt like she was having a hard time about it, so I doubted before giving her a tiny goodbye kiss on the forehead this time.

When I walked out, and as I closed the door, I could get a glimpse of Greer looking at me with a sad frown on her face, just before she covered it. Then the door closed and as I walked down the hallway, a single thought popped in my head:

‘Was she crying?’