Ghost

CHAPTER 9

DE. JEC. TION

noun

:lowness of spirits, sadness caused by failure or loss

Have you ever experienced dejection? I felt that when he told me he'd follow Annie to the States and when he told me I was nothing to him. Nakakabaliw pero totoo. He hated my guts and he destroyed me like I was just some sort of a shock absorber.

I don't know what is his point in doing this again and shaking my world again. Hindi ko alam ang dahilan niya. Hindi ko alam.

"For the last time, Benedict. Tigilan mo na ako. Ayoko na ng mga ginagawa mo. You're unreasonable. Pinili mo na si Annie Jane pero ginugulo mo ako ngayon."

He just looked at me with cold eyes. Hindi ko maintindihan ang punto niya. He's driving me insane and this is the time to end everything.

I want to end this stupidity.

"I don't care. I need to have you."

"Okay! Let's do it! After that, leave me alone! Ayoko na nakikita ka! I hate you the bone. I hate you that much." He looked mad and I can't understand what he's thinking.

"No. I need to have you anytime I want. This is not just about s*x; this is about possession. I need you mine." He's acting crazy. Kung hindi dahil doon, eh ano pa ba ang dahilan? I won't let this happen. I can't let his demons conquer me once again.

"Possession?!"

"Fvcking yes! I need to fvck you hard! I want to punish you. I want to hurt you. I want tou to feel pain. You should be mine. I will forever claim you, no matter what it takes. Wala kang choice."

Sinubukan kong kumawala pero sobrang lakas niya kumpara sa manipis kong pangangatawan. Hindi ako umubra. He's acting like a monster; no, he's a monster with stethoscope in black spectacles.

"Wala ka na kasing kawala. You have no choice but to see me and spend your days with me. I will ruin you. I will make you suffer, just like the old days." I gave him a disgusted look. He just smirked and started sniffing my neck against the empty pediatric ward wall.

I felt his hit tongue on my neck.

He gave me a love bite.

"Balak ko sana bigyan ka niyang ng marami. I want to place marks all over you hanggang hindi ka na makalakad sa pagod. I will use you just like before." Yes, he was cruel and sadistic. I loved the pain he inflicted on my soul. I was a MASOCHIST.

He made me love receiving pain from him. Not just physical pain but emotionally and mentally pain as well. He tortured every bit of my being and he came back.

What happened? We were fine. He was so good to me.

But that thing happened.

"Just... let me go, Benedict. I really hate you. You broke me and I want you gone. It's either you stay here or I'll go. We can't fit into this world together. We won't fit. You have to leave or I will. I don't care if whatever it takes to get away from you. Hindi ko alam ang dahilan mo pero this is ending. I can't meet you halfway. I just can't."

"You have no idea how I hate you, Cassandra. I hate you so much. You will never have a happy ending. You'll be miserable with me. You'll stay miserable with me." I cried hard while lying on the floor.

"Ang sama mo... sobrang sama." He went to his knees and wiped ny tears. He hugged me tight and I suddenly felt comfort. He's the only one who can destroy me and save me at the same time. Hindi na yata talaga ako madadala.

Hinigpitan niya ang pagkakayakap at yumakap na rin ako habang malakas na humahagulgol. I embraced him with my undying love. Alam ko ngayon pa lang talong-talo na ako. I'm alrea dry possessed by my love.

"Masama ako... and you have no choice but to get even and be evil with me. We'll be miserable together just like the old times. We will punish ourselves and we'll be each other's downfall. We'll crash down together. We have to go down together and burn."

What if I tell you that I wanted to die with you back then... until now? What if I kill you and kill myself afterwards? Hindi niya naisip na hindi kami pareho ng iniisip. 

Foolish guy.

You'll be dead soon.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Umuulan ng malakas. Hindi ko nadala ang payong ko at malas akong nakaupo sa labas ng classroom ko. Bad trip. Balak ko pa naman sa na magcommute kasi mas masaya. Ayokong sinusundo ng driver. I feel the freedom I never had kapag nakakasakay ako ng jeep at ng tricycle. 

Naglakad ako hanggang sa student's lounge. Marami rin palang estudyante ang nastranded. Walang pasok ngayon si Diana kaya mag-isa akong tatambay ngayon dito. Naputikan pa naman ang binti ko at wala akong tsinelas sa locker ko.

I saw Annie Jane, may hawak siyang bulaklak. Halatang kay Benedict na naman galing. Tumingin ako sa iba at nakinig na lang sa iPod ko. Gagong Anthony talaga, iniwan akong mag-isa para sa isang babaeng bibigyan siya ng puri. That brother of mine is rotten.

I sighed. Ang lakas talaga ng ulan. Kakaresume lang ng classes pero mukhang mawawalan na naman ulit. Madumi na ang laylayan ng navy blue pencil skirt ko. Ramdam ko na rin ang tubig sa sapatos kong parang sponge sa pakiramdam.

Pati ang Alexander Wang knapsack ko basa na rin. Nagugutom na ako, wala naman akong maaasahan ngayon.

*DING*

1 NEW MESSAGE 

fr: Benedict

-San ka? Im hir @ the cafeteria. Stranded din ako. Kanina pa nakauwi si Annie ng lunch.

Napakunot ako ng noo. Kakakita ko lang kay Annie Jane kanina sa bandang kaliwa ng lounge. Weird. May something ba kaya hindi alam ni Benedict na nandito pa si Annie. Is she... cheating? Well, hindi la naman kasi sila.

To: Benedict

-Ah... So malapit na vday, nagbigay ka ba ng flowers?

I hit send. I need to know if the flowers were from him. Mukhang masaya ang aura niya kanina. Sino kaya ang nagbigay ng bulaklak?

Fr: Benedict 

-Too early to give. I gave her chocolates last night. Haven't seen her since last night. Missing her badly.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FVCK?!

Hindi galing kay Benedict ang mga bulaklak. Kanino galing iyon at bakit masaya siya? Why is she hiding from Benedict?

I have to meet her.

-=-=-=-=-=-=

Nakauwi ako after 2 hours at diretso ako sa bahay nila Annie Jane. I can't stop thinking about this infidelity. Masasaktan si Benedict. Kahit na chance 'to eh ayoko pa rin na masaktan siya. I can't stomach the image of him crying.

"Cassandra? Come in." She looked uneasy.

"I won't make this short, Annie. Kanino galing ang nga bulaklak? Walang binibigay si Benedict na bulaklak sayo. You said umuwi ka kanina ng maaga, pero nakita kita sa lounge! You lied to him, Annie. Why?"

Dalawa lang kaming nasa sala nila. Wala pa kasi ang parents niya. She sat ln the couch and she's fidgeting.

"They were from Anton Silva, Cassandra. He is the other guy that I'm dating. I'm just trying to widen my world, Cassandra." I gave her a frantic look. How could she betray Benedict?

"Widen?"

"Yes. Binakuran ako ni Benedict, pero kahit ganun ang nangyari eh masaya ako. He's very caring and understanding. He makes me feel special. He's my security blanket. Si Anton naman ang break from the perfect world I live in."

"So... why not tell him?"

"I can't, Cassandra. He will break. He will be hurt at ayoko. I'm lying because I'm trying to weigh if how much I love him. Hindi ako makahinga most of the time. He's everywhere I go. I don't feel free with him."

Now I understand. Totoo naman ang nga sinabi niya. He's caging her.

"I understand, Annie but he's such a great guy. Parang kapatid ko na iyon." She smiled at me softly and pinched my cheek.

"No; you love him. Alam ko naman eh. You don't have to hide because I won't judge. We can't tell him about this. Benedict will be destroyed and you have to protect him from me. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kelan ko siya mapapasaya."

I just stared at her.

"I have to protect him because I care for him." She said care. It's obvious...

Annie Jane doesn't love Benedict.