1 Blu's dilemma
I almost died today.
A shiver goes through me as I think about what almost happened to me tonight. I came face to face with death, and I don’t know how I survived. Some angel up there must be looking out for me, because in all truth I should be dead.
I should be burned to a crisp…but somehow it didn’t happen.
That evil b***h Mindy’s plan to burn me alive didn’t work.
Who is Mindy you ask?
She is my best friend, Luna’s friend. I hated Mindy the minute I met her, because I knew there was something not right with her…in fact there were three of them Mindy, Carol and Yolanda. I didn’t like them, and I didn’t understand why they were in my friend’s life.
I can’t say I saw her craziness coming, but there was always something about her that didn’t seem right to me. And tonight she showed me just how much. She attacked me as I was coming back to my flat. I didn’t even see her coming. One minute I was unlocking my door and the next I was lying down on my carpet, hands tied to my back staring at a flaming candle stuck on the carpet – melting down every second that ticked by. I stared at every waxy tear like I was a death row prisoner counting the hours to her execution.
I tried to blow it out, until I wore myself out.
And then she laughed.
I didn’t even realize she was there. But she was there…enjoying my panicked attempt to blow the candle out.
She’s ranted and raved about Luna being her best and only friend and any other b***h who believed otherwise must die as if we are in high school. Once she was done, she hit me on the back of my head with something. And I blacked out.
A breath whooshes out of my lungs in relief, because I truly don’t know how I survived.
I grimace as something pulls at the back of head, and pain shoots through me.
That it not the only pain I feel.
I smooth my hands over the rope burns on my wrists. They’ve been aching something fierce and I didn’t have the heart to ask Luna for some pain medicine just to take the pain away. The ones they’ve given me at the hospital have worn off.
Luna looks distraught as it is. And I don’t want to stress her out.
I can imagine the guilt she must be feeling.
It was her friend after all who tried to kill me …because she believed if she took me out she could be Luna’s best friend.
How crazy is that? Who even thinks likes that?
I shake my head, because I know how real this was for her. She truly believed in her plan. It didn’t matter who she hurt in the process. And she had looked scary, like some possessed maniac.
A surge of anxiety fills me at the thought that I might be dead at this moment. I look around the guest room Luna had put me in her house. It’s beautiful.
The police officers who found me had brought me to her fiancés’ house.
Yes, she had two. She is dating twins. I don’t know how that works, but I must say it’s been good for her. She is nothing like the girl I met in university – the wall flower who couldn’t even get one man to look her way. Now she had two.
I think about our lives during our university days, even though they were short lived, just to distract myself.
But it’s not working. The near death experience has me shaken to my core. I’ve been through a lot of things, but this…
My teeth rattle as I try to keep it together. Tears gather in my eyes. I blink them away before Luna can see them. She is standing beside the bed staring down at me. Her lips are pulled at the corners in the pain I imagine she feels for me.
But there is nothing she can do now. What is done is done.
“Get some rest…I…” she says barely keeping the whimper that gabbles her words as she tries to speak. She takes a deep breath and walks to the door. I watch her leave.
After a few minutes I sink down on the bed, and lay my head carefully on the pillow. Pain thrums through me. I wish I had asked Luna for something to take it away.
But I’ll have to bear it, I guess.
I close my eyes, and pray for sleep. I want to forget this night ever happened.
I don’t know how long I closed my eyes for when I hear raised voices coming from down stairs. I listen for a second trying to make sense of what was happening.
My heart slams in my chest as I hear Vic’s voice. It carries up to me, filtering through the walls like something sweet and comforting - like those foods you crave on a warm cosy day. I burrow into the cover as if he is there with me – all warm and comfy.
I yearn to go to him just to let him touch me one more time.
But he and I haven’t been in the right space lately. And it’s all because of me. I know he wouldn’t just touch me without wanting more.
And I have nothing more to give than what we already have.
He doesn’t understand…I guess no one would understand the situation I’m in. That I am not my own to give. I belong to someone else.
No matter how hard I tried to fight it, I am bound to him.
Xavier Maake…just thinking his name makes me shiver.
He is coming for me.
God…he is finally tired of waiting and he wants what was promised him. I close eyes breathing slowly - in and out as I try calm down.
Such an archaic tradition, but my family has held on to it for as long as I can remember. My sisters and I all have men that we have been given to.
And I have been running away from it for as long as I can remember. But it has finally caught up with me.
I open my eyes as the voices downstairs get louder.
Vic… my heart slams against my ribcage at the concern laced in his voice. Even though he’s never said it. I can tell he cares for me.
Shit…unexpected tears fill my eyes, because I care about him too.
Damn, what did I do?
I regret getting him involved in this mess. He’s such a good man. Too good for me. I knew this the very moment I met him, and I still pulled him into my mess.
I met Vic after I quit university on many of my travels around the world in search of some higher power and the meaning of my life beside being Xavier Maake’ contract wife. Vic was running an ** campaign with three of his friends. They were travelling the world in eighty days taking pictures in the most exotic places. And we happened to meet.
He took my breath away…and I couldn’t help myself. I let him sweep me off my feet like a teenage girl on her first crush as if I didn’t already belong to someone else.
Goosebumps dot my skin as memories of being in his arms fill my mind.
Vic’s voice gets louder interrupting my journey down memory lane.
I sit up listening as his voice moved from concern to anger.
“No. What the f**k is he doing here?” he shouts. He sounded like he was ready to fight whoever had showed up.
Compelled by something I get out of the bed and run downstairs. But I stop in my tracks when I hear Xavier’s voice…
I freeze in place.
What the f**k is he doing here?
I place my hand to my chest as it hammers like crazy.
“Blu is mine, I have every right to bring her home,” he says.
My knees weaken at his roughly spoken words. My hand shots out to the rail as I almost fall.
Oh God…he’s finally come for me.
I knew that he will come for me…but I didn’t think that he will come here…not like this.
How did he even know that I was here?
I’m not ready for Luna to know about this. In her eyes I am the strong friend who makes up her own mind and lives her life on her terms.
But this…I can’t fight this.
I lock my knees and force strength into my legs. I walk down the stairs to the kitchen. My eyes lock onto Xavier.
My breath hitches at the sight of him. He is…I close my eyes as shivers run up and down my body.
God…I hate this feeling.
I don’t even know what it is, but being anywhere near him makes me aware of my body in a way I don’t like.
It’s as if my whole world is centred on where and what he’s doing. And to make matters worse, Xavier doesn’t even care to know that I’m there or not. He is cold as ice.
And sometimes I wonder why my father saw fit to give me to him, because there is nothing warm or kind about him.
Vic steps closer to him…
I walk the final steps to the kitchen.
“What the hell! I can hear you two from up there,” I say anger rising within me. I am not even sure who I’m angry at. I just feel torn. Luna comes to me and pulls me to her side. I sink into her absorbing her support.
Xavier turns to me.
“Are you ready to come home?” he asks. A few seconds tick by as I try to think what to do…what to say to him.
I can feel Vic’s eyes on me.
My heart breaks into a million pieces because I know I can’t keep running.
“Blu?” Vic asks his voice sounding choked. The need to go to him fills me. I grit my teeth denying it.
You belong to another man, I say to myself.
I nod without looking at Him. With my heart racing, I move out of Luna’s hold and walk to Xavier. He wraps an arm around me, guiding me out of the kitchen.
I walk out, even though I want to stay.
I want to make sure that Vic will be alright. But I can’t do that.
It has to end this way, I know that. But my heart breaks into pieces all the same.
God…what am I going to do?
Am I going to marry the man I barely know and leave the one I’ve found so much love and comfort in his arms all because of tradition?
I don’t know…I really don’t.
Tears fill my eyes, blurring everything around me. I don’t want to do this…I need him.
I need Vic…
Xavier helps me into the car. A few seconds later he gets into the driver’s seat. He starts the car, and then we drive off.
We drive for a few seconds in silence.
“Did you sleep with him?” he asks out of nowhere.
My breath hitches in my throat as his words slam into me. I stare out the window at the darkness that surrounds us. It feels like we are the only two people out here.
Of course he would ask that question. Minutes tick by and I don’t answer him. His angry growl fills the silence, making me fidget in my seat.
“Blu?” he says roughly.
“No, I’m still the virgin you ordered you ordered from my father,” I say wishing that I allowed myself to sleep with Vic. At least them I would know what it feels like to belong to him completely.
And now I will never know.