Before We Broke

High School. Totally underrated. For years I sat quietly. I’ve dated a few people in my life. But I’ve only had one kiss. I had fallen for my best guy friend. Anthony. Every day we’d eat lunch together. We never shared any classes because I was a junior and he was a senior. Every day, he’d cover my eyes and say to me “guess who?”. We were both nerds. Both book readers. And we were both untouched. We talked often. Hung out after school with our friends. But there was one night that changed everything. My school play. This was the one year he didn’t audition. I begged him to go to see me. So he did. Our director said that since this was an improv and crowd participation play, we’d need to grab audience members for dancing. So when it started I searched for him. And when the time came I walked up to the highest point in the bleachers and offered him my hand. I planted a weak, but shy smile on my face. But the moment he took my hand, the deal was made. We danced. It was beautiful. He held me close. He tucked my hair behind my ears and gave me that dashing smile of his. I was a goner. We started dating soon after that. Everything was perfect. But I wasn’t prepared for the awakening he was going to bring. And it was ravenous. The hunger was unbearable. The need. It consumed my entire being. Undeniable. I had never felt anything like this before. He would be my undoing. Every smile. Every touch. Every kiss. He owned me. He protected me. He was my everything. I wouldn’t ever be prepared for the day that this would go away. I wanted it forever. Forever, with him. He consumed my every waking thought. Every dream. Every breath I took was for him and him alone. He would bring upon me my first everything’s. Well, almost everything. And the raging hormones that I had finally begun to feel would continue to build. Forever thirsty. Forever needing. And only he could quench it. With all of these stirring emotions and feelings I was unable to grasp, I started writing in a diary. Hoping that would lessen the need a little more. Not knowing that it would be used against me to encourage the raging fire within me. The one that burned for him. One’s first love is a special thing. Almost nothing compares to it. Discovering how deeply you can feel about someone. It’s…intoxicating. He was my drug. And I’d overdose. The overwhelming feelings. Heated moments. And the look in his blue eyes…I would be hooked. Barely able to hold on and stay sane, the rollercoaster, the turmoil of my heart couldn’t be controlled. A precious flower, finally blooming. A Lilly. Pure. Innocent. And the symbol of change. Those precious moments will live with me forever. This is my story. And I have no choice but to live with it.