my Rapist my Lover

My Rapist My Lover 19

It was a Sunday evening I had just finished bathing when I heard a knock on my door I thought people had given up on me but clearly, I was wrong because they just wouldn't go away. I opened to find Sandile standing there, he looked at me with a frown on his face.

"Get in" I tried to sound cheerful but instead I managed an utter.

"Oh Minz" he said hugging me

You look like you are about to cry" I joked.

"Minenhle look at you, you lost weight" I rolled my eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me I don't like you like this I really don't"

He said going to the kitchen and I knew he was going to make me food.

"I'm not hungry I just ate"

"Then you will eat again" he said giving me that this is not up for negotiation look.

He cooked while I watched him I didn't know why he bothered.

Tell me what happened?" he said as he gave me my plate.

I signed.

You know you can talk to me about anything right" he said sincerely.

"I don't know what happened Sandile I guess I made him believe that I wanted to sleep with him......" I told him the whole thing how it all unfolded.

"The nerve of that bastard he even says you seduced him"

What?" this was news to me.

"Yeah, I went to your workplace the other day looking for you and I was told you were fired word has it that you seduced the boss and when he rejected you, you lost it and said you were going to lay charges of rape against him" I couldn't believe my ears.

"What does this man want from me?" how am I going to face the world after this.

l didn't believe them of course which is why I came here I wanted the truth" wow. I didn't want to cry not over this.

"Listen Minenhle I want you to know that it's not your fault it never was your fault don't blame yourself over this okay, he is a jerk no actually he is a pervert that's what he is. When I am done with him he'll regret the day he ever laid his eyes on you"

You don't have to fight my battles"

"Yes, I don't have to but I want to it's about time someone teach him a lesson about taking advantage of defenceless women" I just looked at him I really had no words. Speechless is the right word. Sandile tried to make me feel better but I was still in my zone but I appreciated him being there and I made sure he knows.

After he had left I took my p.c and I googled committing suicide and it did not give me what I wanted it just told me about people who were depressed and I wasn't depressed I just wanted to kill myself. I typed again making suicide look like an accident and still google didn't give me answers I wanted so I tried one last time and typed safest way of killing yourself yes, I wanted to kill myself but I didn't want to feel pain I wanted something quick and clean.

I couldn't believe I had been on the internet for such a long time I closed the curtains then switched on the lights before going back to google again. I was now reading the stories people had posted on google they were quite interesting, some were speaking about the journey as much as it didn't give me what I wanted but it surely opened my eyes.

What do you do when it hurts so much that you don't feel like God is on your side, I have questioned God. There were days where I would go down on one knee and pray but no words would come out of my mouth and I would just cry pouring my heart out. There were I would beg God to take me I mean that is selfless than committing suicide right. What do you do when you feel like not waking up ever again, the first thought that comes tp mind is committing suicide but you end up feeling guilty. One thing about suicide is that it may stop the pain you're feeling but it gets transferred to your loved ones, they are left asking themselves questions. People who commits suicide are cowards and I didn't want to be remembered as a coward. That girl who killed herself.