my Rapist my Lover

My Rapist My Lover 20

It was a beautiful Saturday morning I decided to wake up and do some spring cleaning at my place yes, I didn't have a job but I certainly had hope. Well it wasn't really a spring cleaning because I wasn't moving any cupboards and stuff but I was cleaning.

I was moping the floor when I heard Monde saying, "you sound happy" I smiled within I felt rejuvenated in a way, it had been a month since the saga and things were not going well for me but I had hope. Hope is a strong thing if you ask me it can carry you anywhere you want to be.

"Hi" I looked at him and he looked good in his denim shorts, a vest and some flip flops I had noticed that he loved with white shirts. Monde is one of those dark guys with small eyes kinda of guys that would have no trouble getting any girl he wants not to mention that he was insanely rich and had a body for days. It was still flattery that he wanted me well and his wife.

"Hi, yourself" he smiled. I didn't notice I was staring until he cleared his throat.

"Like what you see" I looked away embarrassed to be caught staring.

"How can I help you?" he smiled

"You know Minenhle you can hide it all you want but I can see that you love me and to me you are still my girlfriend I don't know about this breakup you've been talking about" mind you it had been three months since we broke up.

He took the mop and insisted on helping me.

"Do you even know how to mop the floor Monde" I asked laughing, he looked at me for a while.

"It's good to see you smiling baby by the way I was once a bachelor you know so I'm so domesticated"

"Oh, so you say"

He finished mopping and did everything while I watched but you could see that he's enjoying it. Monde really came through for me other guy would have ran for the hills.

"You know you have to deal with what happened to you" I raised eyebrows trying to make sense of what he was saying. He put his bowl down and looked at me

"You didn't deal with your rape Minenhle you just buried it somewhere at the back of your head and now that it nearly happened again it is all coming back again" why was this talk making me emotional and I never saw it like this.

"I know Monde but me dealing with it means opening old wounds and I don't want to go back there" he sighed.

"Believe it or not you have. Remember how you locked yourself in this room after the saga shutting everyone, starving yourself it's been a month and you are far from getting better" I hate it when some is analysing me.

"So me dealing with it does that mean me going for counselling" he looked at me for a while and nodded.

I have watched movies and I have seen people going for counselling. You get an old looking white lady with spectacles on who listens to you talk everyday and then you pay them. How does that help? I didn't see it working and I've always seen people who go for counselling as people who had bigger problems like depression and mine wasn't big I was going to be fine after some time.

Monde and I spoke for hours with him trying to convince me to go for counselling I ended up agreeing to it just for the sake of it because he wasn't letting it go. I wasn't going for counselling period.

Time flies I didn't believe that it was months after the saga happened, I heard that Mr Johnson's publishing house was on bankruptcy. I later learnt that he liked praying on young inexperienced girls lile me I was lucky for me it never got that far. Most of them were afraid to speak out as they didn't have proof and they were scared he threatened them. This is what he did to these girls, he would employ them especially those who came for disadvantaged backgrounds, take advantage of them then make them quit after that he would take care of them financially so that he can have some hold over them. Men are sick and twisted out here. I got all this information from Sandile and I don't know how he got hold of it. I know I had questioned God before but I was thankful to him that he didn't rape me and that he didn't have some hold over me. As much as I wanted him to pay for his sins I knew how justice of this country works. My rape case I reported years ago I don't know what happened to it their famous line is "sisaphenya".

I love bacon but lately it had been giving me some weird vibes I was convinced that the one I bought was off so I threw it on the bin and bought another one but it was the same story I threw up. I paid no mind to that because I had to meet with Simphiwe to discuss a way forward about her wedding it was in September she wanted a spring wedding.

I met her outside Olives she was already having winery lol this girl, I joined her and soon we were both on our 3rd glass.

"Babes if I knew that a month and weeks ago we would be here laughing our asses off I wouldn't have worried that much" she said smiling "You had us all worried" she sighed.

"I know hey I am getting better, Monde said I should do counselling and I'm not that keen on it"

"I hear it helps though, my cousin did counselling after her divorce and it did wonders on her. If you want to move on you should do it"

"Yeah neh"

"One thing I have heard about rape is that it's like a prison, it's shattering, leaving you feeling scared, alone with flashbacks amd unpleasant memories" she said and this was true.

I keep having flashbacks you know every now and then, I didn't know it was normal" I had told her about how Lihle was conceived.

"Deal with it babes and free your mind"

As time went on we discussed the lengthy details of her wedding she was so excited about it, the theme was baby pink and white.

"I need to hire a wedding planner" yes please.

"Are we doing the wedding here or?"

"No, I love Durban so I think Zimbali is the best place" I will have to remember to google it.

After that meeting, I went home and on my way home I decided to get a pregnancy test I know I had been celibate for four or five months but I felt like I was pregnant. I went to clicks bought it with some cosmetics.

When I got home I did all the necessities and it came back negative well I guess I got worried for nothing.

It was the day I was going for counselling my people had managed to convince me to go, Sandile even offered to drive me there. He was sent from above really.

"Sooo" I eyed him and laughed.

"Just out with it" I was getting ready at my place.

"You and Monde" he said

"What about us?" I asked innocently.

"Out with it already, what's happening between you two"

"Nothing" I said laughing.

"Come on" he rolled his eyes.

No I am serious he is just that ex that is always there"

Don't patronise me wena Minz ngiyabona nje ukuthi kukhona okushaya amanzi and you are glowing lately it must be his D game" I glared at him "It's too good neh"

"I don't know what you are talking about" well I was also not convincing and Simphiwe said the same thing about me and Monde. They were both convinced that we were back together.

I was surprised to find a young black handsome gentleman waiting for me when I arrived, the setting was just calming well as expected I was told to sit on a couch opposite him so he could analyse me I rolled my eyes internally at this. First day

We spoke about me mostly where I come from, my dreams and goals ( long term and short term). My background where I grew and how it was like growing up. Honestly, I didn't understand how that linked with what I was there for. I was sure that this guy didn't know what he was doing I mean judging by his age well his appearance also I mean what experience did he have. As I left I was convinced that this wasn't going to work at all. Second day

Growing up without a mother, how has it affected me and not having a father figure in my life. I answered as honestly as I could but I didn't understand why he asking this about me to me it seemed like this person was just prying into my life, wanting to know every detail of my life. He even asked my how it's like living in KZN compared to Gauteng. I mean was that necessary. At least I wasn't the one paying I would have used the door and never turn back ever again.