11
756 Words
Bailey sat in room in the dark, listening to music that only made her worst. Her playlist for times like these.
When she was in middle school, her mother took her to a doctor and told him to fix her.
“She's depressed. That can't be fixed. It's not a maintenance probable, she is not a machine. She has feelings.”
“Is there a pill to stop that because it's getting in my way.”
The doctor looked her in disgust. Bailey remembered that, that her doctor hated her mother.
She liked him more.
“I usually don't say this to my clients, but you are horrible mother. You are the one who needs to be fixed. ”It's no wonder she's depressed you treat like,”
The doctor couldn't find the word. He shot a empathic, sad look, as.if he wanted to just take her home and raise her himself.
“I can't do anything for her, if she goes home to you.”
Portia nodded blankly. “That's all I needed to hear. Excuse me, my lipgloss is drying.”
The man looked to the door and back. “You need help? Does she hurt you? Because I can help you if you tell me.”
“It's nothing you can charge her for.”
“Let me be the judge of that."
“The judge has to be the judge of that. And according to the law it's not enough.”
“You're a smart kid in horrible place. And I'm so sorry. I wish I could help you, but you have isn't a mental illness; it's a mental condition. For now.”
“If you need to talk,, or you need help, or you feel hurting yourself, call me please.”
She took his card and nodded, smiling.
“Thanks. You're a nice man.”
“You are good person, and all that counts. Don't her or anyone steal the goodness from you. Even if they take your happiness, don't let them taint the good inside of you. Happiness can be restored.”
“ Emptiness can be filled. Loneliness can be done away with. But if you let them take who you are and shape you into them, that, that is a whole different matter.”
She nodded starting to reply, but Portia stepped in.
“Let's go, girl.”
Bailey left the office instantly feel weaker. Meanwhile, the doctor stopped her mother.
“I hope you never find her body, but if you do, sleep at night knowing that you did that.”
Portia shrugged him off. She didn't care about Bailey. She had no need for Bailey.
And so Bailey became depressed and it stayed that way for years.
Depression was an old friend of her, it seemed to love her company, while she simply existed in it.
Some days she was so depressed that it physically hurt.
Portia was glad she stayed her room. Away from her.
Loneliness set in, cradling her,swaddling her, engulfing her.
It's like she was in a box. Everytime she thought about how alone she truly was it got smaller and smaller.
She knew she'd pull out of it eventually. She always did. Right in the brink of insanity, normalcy snatched her back.
For now though, she would cry until she couldn't breathe and lament everything that ever happened her life.
Every bad thing.
Which basically was the same thing. Her whole life had a bad one...
She wanted to curl up disappear. Just float.
Spencer thought she was crazy for doing all of this just because he wouldn't date her.
But it wasn't about that. It never was. She had a genuine friend, and maybe she liked him, but she needed a friend.
But the second he felt that she...liked him like that, he pulled back, pushed her back.
She learned not to stay where you are unwanted.
She hadn't had a friend in so long, that she forgot about being lonely. Lonely was her new normal.
And she had a friend. He was kind. Caring. Protective. He cared about her. He thought she worth something which was a rare commodity.
She wouldn't have thrown that away for some silly crush. But crushed is what she felt.
Crushed. All she wanted was a friend. She asked to hangout that's what friends do. And yeah she liked him, but she excited at the prospect of someone.
And then it was gone. It would take some time before loneliness resumed it place as her normalcy.
- Writer
