The Last Letter

55

Chapter LV

“I like someone.” Ben said after a long silence.

I kept my eyes closed. It’s easier to pretend like this than making myself guiltier by taking part in the conversation. I know what Ben will say. I think I foresee it.

“But she seems to only see me as a friend… from then until now.” He added.

“Ouch. Did you ever tell her your feelings?” Aries asked.

“Yes. And she avoided me after that. It was two or three years ago already. Until now, she’s still the only one I like.” Ben answered.

“That sucks. What will you do about it?” Aries asked again

“I honestly don’t know. I’ve thought about it so much but I can’t come up with anything. I badly want to confess again but I’m afraid to experience the pain again. Much worse is when she starts to avoid me again. I waited and waited for her to come back and she did. All of that will be for nothing if I don’t do anything.”

“Do you know something about this August?” This time, Aries looked in my direction. I just nodded my head without saying anything and still having my eyes closed and shut.

“You’ve seen her already and you know her. You met her in the hospital. She was the girl I was with when I escorted you to the parking lot.” Ben said again

“Don’t tell me… it’s that girl!” Aries exclaimed. “What was her name again? Sorry, I’m bad with names but I do really remember her.”

“She is. Suzanne is her name.”

“Suzanne? Where did I hear that name again? Oh, August’s girlfriend!” Aries shouted. I finally opened my eyes and looked at him seriously. He made a ‘peace’ sign using his fingers and awkwardly smiled at me. I glanced at Ben and he wasn’t showing any reaction to what my brother said.

“I actually thought that you two were already a couple when I saw the two of you together in the hospital. It’s quite a shock that you are in a one sided love, Ben. I mean, as a guy speaking, you are a complete package. From looks, to wits, and to personality.” Aries added.

Ben chuckled lightly. “I also thought the same honestly. I wished it was that easy to get the girl you like. But with her, I realized that I still lack something.”

“No, Ben. Maybe it's just her. And maybe she likes someone already and that’s why she won’t look at you just the same way you look at her. Do you think she likes anyone these days?” Aries said.

“No. I just see her and August maybe once or twice a month since I was really busy. I’m going to the university in the morning and then practice in the afternoon. It’s super tiring but maybe all the hard work will pay off someday.”

I was just quietly listening to their conversation. If only they knew that I was only right here. The one that Suzanne likes and the one she has a relationship with. I can’t help but feel so much guilt inside me.

“But needless to say Ben, I’m wishing you good luck. Whatever you choose to do, I know that you thought and prepared for it. And if she ever rejects you again, just look for me in my farm and I’ll show you how many fishes there are in the ocean. I also know a nice girl. Just call me if you ever want one.” Aries said and laughed. Seconds later, Ben also laughed alongside him.

“When it doesn't work out, I’ll definitely hunt you then.” Ben said, still laughing.

I can't bring myself to join their conversation. It pains me to hear all about this, especially Ben’s feelings for Suzanne. It’s also too hard for me to act naturally, knowing that they are casually talking about my girlfriend. And what’s making it harder is that I can’t blame them for doing it. If I say anything, they may start suspecting me. Plus that incident at the dinner table where I couldn’t speak when I was asked about Suzanne. If not for my mom, they’ll surely become suspicious, especially Ben.

They started drinking again while I was just quietly sitting there. Only speaking when I was asked to answer some of their questions. Other than that, I stopped drinking and was just either eating snacks or spacing out.

I rub my eyes with my hands because my eyes really feel sleepy after a while of not doing anything. I badly want to go to my room and tuck myself to bed. It was now 4am and the sky was turning lighter and lighter as minutes passed. At last, the sun is rising.

I closed my eyes for a short while hoping that if I opened it, the sun would come up even just a bit. I know it was still early for the sun to rise but I might end up sleeping here if it takes longer. The air right is still cold, but not as cold as earlier.

After what seemed like minutes of closing my eyes, I heard a loud thud which somewhat woke me up.

I took a glance at where I heard the thud. The cooler beside Ben fell down and the can of beers spilled on the ground. They were still unopened so it was okay.

Ben had already fallen asleep on his chair.

I sighed. Aries was also closing his eyes and sitting in an uncomfortable position in his chair.

“Wait here. I’ll set Ben’s bed. Don’t fall asleep, I can’t carry both of you.” I said to which Aries nodded while still closing his eyes. I wonder if he still understands what I was saying.

I went inside, walked straight to my room upstairs. I grabbed my extra thick mattress and laid it on the floor. I also brought my extra pillows and blanket out of my closet, gave it a decent shake to remove dust or anything. Ben is too drunk right now to notice anything I’ll give him so I don’t care anymore.

After preparing Ben’s bed on the floor, I went down to tell Aries that the bed was ready and we could now carry him inside. Thankfully, he was still awake and was actually cleaning off the can beers that spilled. He killed the fire using the hose connected to our back faucet.

Ben reached his limit in drinking and was knocked out outside. It was now around 4:30 am and we decided to stop drinking and rest inside our rooms. We left everything on our drinking spot to just clean it tomorrow morning or afternoon when we wake up. It also just now that we felt that the air became twice as cold when the fire was put off. We might get sick if we stay out longer.

After we put Ben on bed, I placed a blanket on him and turned on my fan even though it was quite cold inside my room. I think everyone except me and Aries are already in deep sleep. I went downstairs for a while, leaving Aries and Ben inside my room and drank a glass of warm water to feel at least a little warmer and to also hydrate my body.

I took a deep breath and found myself staring at the sink and the way water drips from the faucet down the sink. I think I’m kind of drunk but not as drunk as Ben and Aries. Or maybe I was just really sleepy, I don’t know, I can't think straight. My vision was getting blurry so I slowly and carefully walked upstairs, making sure I held tightly on the railing of the stairs. I don’t want to wake up again with bruises and fractures. My mom would be the first to kill me if another accident happens to me again.

When I reached my room, Aries wasn’t there and I think he’s probably knocked out on his bed after all that beer he chugged down. Out of the three of us, he obviously drank the most but I’m amazed he wasn’t the first one to lay down.

Since I still have a little ounce of energy left in me, I managed to go to my CR to barely brush my teeth. I was on the verge of falling asleep any second by now.

I sat at the edge of my bed and closed my eyes. I badly want to see the sunrise today but I am too sleepy now.

I just sat there for a couple of seconds, with my back laid on the mattress and my eyes closed.

I opened my eyes again and realized I didn’t turn off the lights. I yawned while groaning.

Leaving me without any choice, I stood up and immediately felt the world of mine getting blurry and messy. After numerous times of stumbling everywhere, I turned off the lights and stumbled again, walking in the dark to my bed. I even think that I stepped on Ben's foot that made him groan a little.

I closed the window and the curtains before going to bed since sooner or later, sunlight will fill up my room. I want myself and Ben to get the sleep we need.

And I finally laid on my bed, covered my body in my thick blanket and had my favorite pillow wrapped by my arms. I know, I'm still a kid at heart.

Seconds later after laying on my bed and getting on my usual sleeping position, I think I finally fell asleep.