The Last Letter

45

Chapter XLV

I took a glance at Suzanne’s face. She was smiling but her eyes were telling otherwise. She was looking at the sea as the three of us were just sitting in silence.

Come to think of it, she hadn’t told us anything about her family, her biological family. What does she mean by what she said? Is she abused as a kid too? I’m scared to ask since she might feel uncomfortable. I just hope she didn’t experience what Joshua experienced.

To avoid the awkward and unnerving silence surrounding us, I decided to take a short walk to the seaside. I don’t know what’s going on between those two and why do they act so distant, especially August who was quiet the whole time Suzanne and I were talking. He acts like that when he’s sleepy so I will think that is the reason for his behavior right now.

Did something happen while I was busy? They both seemed out of their normal selves but I can’t bring myself to ask them what is wrong.

I walked away from the two and went close to the sea.

I removed my shoes and socks, carried it while I left my feet touching the cold but calming sea water. I walked along the stretch of the shoreline, leading to God knows where. All I know is I kinda enjoy how this feels.

Inside my mind, I was quite disappointed that we were not having much of a great time together, the three of us. But I am thankful that I am with them, spending their pressure time with me is enough for me to be happy.

I stopped when I saw a woman, wearing a white, flowy dress, standing about 10 meters away from me. She was staring at the sea. I couldn't see her face because she was wearing a beach hat and her long, wavy hair was flowing along with the breeze of the wind. No one was around except for me and her.

Should I come close or not? I asked myself inside my head.

She slowly turned her face towards my direction. Our eyes met and we stared at each other for seconds.

Even if we were still quite far from each other, I had a good look on her face. She was pale, brown hair, dark eyes, around the same height and body as Suzanne. She looked at me without expression on her face.

To my surprise, she slowly smiled at me, from ear to ear. She has a pretty smile to be honest.

I awkwardly smiled and waved my hand to her but I turned around and walked back fast to the direction of Suzanne and August. I was actually a little creeped out by her. Why did she smile so sweetly to me who was a stranger?

A thought came across my mind while I was walking away from that direction.

What if that girl was actually a ghost? A ghost in broad daylight?

***

Hours passed and that late afternoon, we three had dinner at a nearby restaurant. After I came back, the two of them seemed to get better. August was slowly unleashing his talkative nature again and Suzanne too. It felt good that I finally didn't feel lonely around them. Maybe the night holds a little hope for us three,

I never told them about the girl I saw by the sea since maybe it was all just a product of my imagination. But it still freaks me out whenever I think of that smile forming in her face while looking at me. I can’t get her out of my mind whenever I think about that incident occasionally. Is that girl even real?

We went back to the car at around 7pm. Even though I want to stay longer at this place since the beach looks majestic at night, I can’t take too much of their time because we have class tomorrow. Maybe we’ll go back here again soon when we have free time.

We drove back to the town and you can feel that we were all tired. No one was speaking and actually, I’m not mad at it. I am also tired and all of my energy looks like it was all reserved just for driving. When I get home, I’ll surely sleep right away.

I dropped August off first since I wanted to talk to Suzanne briefly while I drive. We bid goodbyes for now since everything will come back to a normal busy day tomorrow. He thanked me for today and actually apologized for how he acted earlier. He explained he had a lot in mind and he was a little sleepy, just like I thought.

If I hadn’t mentioned yet, I still like Suzanne. So much actually. My feelings seem to be growing more and more now that I haven’t seen and talked to her for a long time and I just realize that whenever I see her once in a while. That kind of feeling that grows deeper the more you miss the one you like.

But these days, I seem to focus on my athletic career, that I haven’t thought of her that much, compared to the past months. Even though I don’t have much time in my hands, I know in my heart that she is still the one I like. My plans to pursue her are still engraved in my heart.

I think, after these competitions, I’ll properly ask her out. I haven’t told August anything about my plans, but he’ll surely be the one to hear it first when Suzanne accepts my feelings.

“So… how’s life? How are your studies?” I asked out of nowhere, breaking the silence. I looked at her from the rear view mirror and she was leaning at the window, looking outside as we passed by the familiar streets of our neighborhood.

“Just fine. Studying was hard as it is but thankfully, August tutors me once in a while. It was of great help.” She answered, her eyes still fixed on the view outside as I drove. She didn’t even look at me once.

“Ohh… okay.” I replied simply. Was it ever this hard to start a conversation? “How’s today? Is it nice on the beach?” I made my tone as lively as possible to brighten up the atmosphere.

“Yeah. It was really fun and it was my first time on a beach. I had a great time Benjamin. Thank you.” She said and smiled at me. I saw her in the rear view mirror. That response alone made me smile and I feel my energy replenishing. Only Suzanne can do that to me.

“No problem! Let’s do that again after my competition, okay?” I looked at her on the back for a second and smiled. She chuckled and nodded. “Sure, why not?” She replied.

“Thank you.” I said and we met eyes on the rear view mirror.

We nodded to each other and I drove happily. I hope time could stop at this moment even though I was just driving her home. I want to spend more time with her as long as I can. But not long after, we finally reached in front of her dormitory.

“Bye Benjamin! Thank you again!” She waved her hand at me as she stood in front of the gate. I rolled my window down and waved back at her.

“Make sure you get plenty of sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow hopefully but even if we don’t, I’ll message you regularly.” I said and smiled. She smiled back at me and raised her thumbs.

“Don’t overwork yourself and make sure to have proper meals and proper rests. Message me or August when you get home. I’m always here to cheer you up, you know that. Okay?”

I nodded and waved my hand at her again. I turned on the engine and drove down the road. I drove off with a smile on my face and I wore it for the rest of the night, up until I slept. Suzanne has this strong impact on me.

Before I slept, I started to imagine, what if I finally got her as my girlfriend? The only moment I was looking forward to in the future is the one with her, hopefully.

I bet everyday will be easy for me since I know someone like Suzanne is supporting and is always on my back in every step and milestones I take. I bet it’ll be enough to have her, no one else. I’ll be the happiest guy, I know it.

But on the other hand, I also started to think, what if she won’t accept my feelings for the second time? Will I be able to still be here for her? Or will I be able to accept that she won’t ever have feelings for me? I don’t think I could bear another rejection. Should I really move on when that happens?

But if you never try, you’ll never know. I need to start thinking and planning how I will confess my feelings for her again. To be sure, I also need to prepare myself, especially my heart for the worst.

But if it’s for Suzanne, it is worth the risk.