MACJ lV

WHEN WE ARE YOUNG, WE USED TO CRY OUT LOUD BUT NOW WERE ADULTS, WE DO IT SILENT When I loved you in every pages, when I heart you in all lies, when I cherished you in every cloud, it is you I fell into…… I hate the fact I cant write anymore, or hear you gentle voice singing a lullaby with heart. I hate the fact how it ended or how it turned unwell for you. I am unwell, when I hear my own voice laughing while reading books with you, I hate writing stories about you nor finish eating together with you. How it feels to walk with you, while the sun directs our direction like sunflowers. I hate the fact we miss raindrops during storms, how you keep me safe against lightings, why you keep we well?And you trick me well…. its not how it should be nor how love stories go well in books. I use to tell it, one day if you do I wont cry, nor talk about it without you, but right now time doesn’t heal any of the scars we had. I know I need you, bu I know you don’t. I hate the sunset, it reminds me of you, I hate it when you call me Haru, and you make me wither. I feel it slowly kills my nerves, I cant even write your name, cause I always remember what you promised. It’s a will, it is from the heart, you were my last risk, the last penny I have, yet you never understand how I offer all I have. I may not have plenty, but this time you made me empty.You made it burst, you made it blur. I hate the first day you gave me sunflowers, or even the night we dance under the moonlight. I hate the pain you caused to me. I hate the midnight calls and texts. I hate milktea dates, and even the day we started to look like this…Chaos… I hate your name, yet I want the surname… I hate your shoes, but I love how you walk. I hate the money, but I miss your pocket. I missed you, the old you who had nothing than me. I hate your gaze, yet you look like Im someone you didn’t know……. I don’t see it well, why this is the end, I don’t see it why this needs to happen, in purpose?? What purpose…… In every pages, youre my biggest risk, regret and even memory. How you laughed everytime…. I miss the nights, when we are watching the first fireworks together, how we used to wear matching bracelets, nor how we nag with our gentle hearts. If I can reset, I will go back, in the days I didn’t cry for it, nor beg for any…. I don’t see things as clear as this, nor how we used to………. I cant even erase you, unblock you and even move forward without looking back to you… In all the promises, wherein it is you who tell it. In the failures when you did embrace me… How you unlie our hearts. How it is hurtful but honest… HOW YOU PROMISED……….. and how you leave it unwanted.. I hate the days you did sing to make me laugh, when you play your ukelele to motivate(irritate) me, I hate the first New Year, when we said we are… I hate myself for keeping you up, then later on wanting space against us. How threads of love suddenly cut ad tied us one by one. I hate the fact you leave me alone in the hallway, nor how you walk out when Im explaining.. I hate it when you take care of me whenever I have cramps. I hate it when I see the heels you used to wear to make me walk comfortably… I HATE YOU FOR TREATING ME LIKE AN EMPRESS…. How you treat me like a queen… I hate people who wants you less than I do…. I wanna keep the day, you danced with me in front of the crowd, how you smile, or how you fix my hair before fixing yours. I miss the fact you comb my hair each time, nor telling me that I should try the ginger-colored dye. I MISSED ALL FOR YOU…..