Secrets

Freddie's POV I tried to stop it. I really did. But you can't control who you fall in love with, even when you know they'll never like you back. Not the way you like them. Roger Taylor is the most straight guy I ever met. Girls fall for his long golden locks and big blue eyes the second they see him. He looks like freaking prince charming. He has a new 'girlfriend' every few weeks, f***s them, gets bored and moves on to the next one. At the moment he has a more serious girlfriend though, who he seems to really love. But despite all that, I fell for him. I tried forgetting about him by hooking up with a bunch of other guys, but I just can't. Every time I have s*x with someone, I think about how it would be to have s*x with Roger. How his lips, hands and of course c**k would feel. It's f*****g killing me. I'm trying to focus on the vocals I have to record, but Roger is just looking so sexy. He's a little sweaty from all the drumming, and his hair is messy. I love it when he looks like that. 'God, it's so hot.' He says, as he unbuttons the first few buttons of his shirt. Seriously, is he doing that to tease me or something? Sometimes it's just like he can smell that I'm in love with him and starts acting sexy as f**k just to drive me crazy. I would commit murder to be the one who unbuttons his shirts. 'Freddie, you ready to sing?' Brian asks. I realize I've been staring at Roger this whole time. Nice. 'What? oh yeah...' The singing goes really well, I finally get my mind of Roger a bit. After a long as f**k day of recording John and Brian quickly head home to their wives. Somewhere deep down inside me I'm a little jealous of them. I wish I had someone to come home to. Not just one night stands. Roger and I are alone in the studio now. Normally I would've had no problem with that, but now that I fancy him I feel kind of nervous. I'm so stupid. If I keep acting like this he will notice and our friendship will be over. Roger is tidying up the studio a bit, while he sighs loudly. I have a feeling something is not right about him. 'Is something wrong? You seem kinda sad. Not just today, but the last few weeks...' I ask Roger. 'Dunno... I just... I don't wanna talk about it.' He answers. I'm confused, Roger is one of my closest friends and we tell each other basically everything. Even the dirtiest details of our s*x lives. So why won't he tell me this? 'Oh come on Rog, you know you can tell me anything.' He looks down at his feet and says nothing. He sighs again. 'I better go home.' He quickly walks out of the studio. I decide not to stop him. I know I'll find out what's bothering him eventually. That stupid boy always keeps all his emotions to himself, and at one point he just breaks. I walk out of the studio, lock the door and walk home. It's not a long walk and I enjoy it since I spend most of my time in the studio, in gay bars or just at home doing my own stuff. So I basically never come outside, except this little walk. Roger's POV Fuckfuckfuckfuck. Why the f**k did I say 'I don't wanna talk about it.' Now Freddie knows something is wrong. I should've said that I'm just tired or something. I'm scared to death to tell anyone, and knowing Freddie he'll now do anything to get it out of me. But I'll soon have to tell it anyway... I get in my car and drive home. I've been living with my girlfriend for the past two months and I really enjoyed it, but not today. I am NOT looking forward to coming home. I know what I have to do. And I hate it, but it'll make me happier in the end. I take a deep breath before opening the door. There she is. Dominique. When I see her smile, I almost just want to forget what I'm about to do and hold her tight. The smile that always makes me happy when I'm sad, but right now. At this moment it just makes everything even harder. 'Hey babe, I made you dinner.' She says. I get in the house and she kisses me. I let her, knowing it will probably be the last time. When she pulls back her smile disappears. 'Are you allright? You don't seem too happy...' she frowns. God, is it really that noticeable? I'm silent for a few seconds. 'Uhm...I...can we talk?' I swallow. 'Yeah...sure...' She slowly says. I watch her dark hair dance on her shoulders as we walk to the couch. I sure love dark hair, but I don't love Dominique anymore. Not in a romantic way. We sit down. 'What is it?' She asks. My hands are slightly shaking. No, I can't do this. I don't want to break her heart. In the end I probably will anyway if I keep pretending I still like her... But I'm too weak to do this. f**k. 'Uh...I... never mind' I put on a fake smile. Dominique slightly raises her eyebrows. She obviously knows something is wrong and I last minute decided not to tell her. I clear my throat. 'Freddie and I are actually going out tonight... so I have to go now.' That's not true, but whatever. I not gonna be able to spend another minute with her, pretending everything is fine. I need to talk about this to someone, and I know Freddie will listen. He always does. I quickly get up and rush to the front door. 'But...Roger...wait!' Dominique says. I ignore her, shut the door, and get in my car. I put my head in my hands and have a mental breakdown. After a few minutes I try to motivate myself a little bit. Okay Roger, it'll be fine. I'm just going to Freddie, explain everything to him, he's gonna give me advice and then I'll break up with Dominique. Cuz if Freddie wants you to do something, he'll make sure you do it. Maybe it's not the smartest idea to go to Freddie though, cuz we're probably gonna end up drunk and we have to be in the studio early tomorrow. But whatever. Freddie's POV I'm lying on the couch, thinking about life (and mainly about Roger cuz hey), while listening to Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley. That song describes my f*****g life right now. One lonely tear comes out of my eye. As always if I hear this song, because it reminds me so much of Roger. I never actually cry. Crying is not gonna help me to get Roger, so why would I. Sometimes I wish someone would tell me: 'Hahaha this life was one big joke, you're coming with me now to the real world where nothing is hard, everyone is happy, you don't have to cry about anything and you never have heartbreaks.' But no, I believe this is the real life. I get a piece of paper and start writing. Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? That's all. Maybe I'll use it as song lyrics once. The doorbell rings. f**k, why must people always interrupt me in moments like this? I rush to the door and open it. My eyes fly wide open. I want to scream 'I'M NOT MENTALLY PREPARED TO SEE YOU.' In front of me stands a rather depressed looking Roger. What the f**k. Is this. 'Roger? What?' 'Can I come in? please...?' He looks down at his feet. His cheeks are slightly flushed. 'Of course darling...' We walk to my living room. f*****g Roger, you even smell nice. Not perfume or anything, just his body smell. We sit down at the couch. 'What the f**k happened?' I ask. He takes a deep, shaky breath. Without him asking or it, I pour him a glass of whisky. I know he needs it. He lifts the glass to his mouth and finishes it in about 0.03 seconds. There definitely is something wrong. He sighs. 'I was gonna break up with Dominique...' He stares into space. I frown. Gonna break up with Dominique? Somewhere deep inside I feel a little bit of happiness. I know I shouldn't, he'll never be mine... but that Dominique is (or was?) one lucky b***h, to be in a relationship with Roger f*****g Taylor more than two weeks. I am obviously jealous. 'But you didn't?' 'I can't believe I didn't...I couldn't do it.' He closes his eyes and frowns too. 'Why not?' 'She... I love her, but not love her anymore you know. When I said wanted to talk to her... she just... already looked so hurt and I didn't want to break her heart.' Oh god, this boy needs to grow some balls. You can't be in a relationship with someone you don't love, and pretend you do love them. 'Roger. If you don't love the girl anymore, you have to break up with her. I know it's hard, but you can't just pretend you still like her... if she finds out that's gonna break her heart even more.' 'I know..' He knows, but I see another struggle in his eyes. 'Is this what you were sad about the last few weeks?' 'Yes...but...not exactly.' Look, I knew it. 'What else?' Roger just stays silent. God, now I need to know. 'Please Rog, you can tell me' I beg him. I love juicy secrets. Especially Rogers juicy secrets... 'I don't know...I just don't know anymore...' There are tears in his eyes. My heart breaks into a million pieces. Rogers can look like a big baby sometimes, with his blonde hair and big blue eyes (baby in a cute way of course). I hate seeing him sad. 'Can you just...hug me...please?' He looks me in the eyes. Oh.my.lord. Did he just f*****g ask me to HUG HIM? My heart starts going crazy. I stare at him for a second, and when I see he's serious I put my arms around him. He lays his head on my shoulder and pulls me closer. f**k. I think I'm going to die. He's still straight, but for a moment I let myself imagine I'm holding my boyfriend. This feels so right. And I'm trying really hard not to get an erection. He's so close...We sit there just hugging for five minutes straight. I enjoy every single moment of it. Rogers POV Sometimes when I'm sad, all I need is a good hug. Of course it's not gonna make all my struggles disappear, but it sure makes everything a little better. I pull back after a long f*****g time. 'Let's go to a bar, I wanna get f*****g drunk.' I say. I'm already a little tipsy from that glass of whisky I drunk like it was lemonade, but there still is a little voice in my head saying 'you have to get up early tomorrow' 'You have to go back to Dominique' I just tell it to shut the f**k up. I'll deal with that later. 'Same.' Freddie says. We get in my car and drive to the bar. I think about why I want to break up with Dominique. I don't love her anymore. I'm f*****g bored. But not just that. I don't even want to admit it to myself...but...I'm getting bored with girls in general. I mean... I love girls... but... Imagine two yummy donuts in front of you. Your whole life you've only been eating one of them, but you know you'd love the other one too. You're getting bored with eating the same one over and over again. You're craving something different. That's how I feel right now. I look to my side and see Freddies long, black locks and perfect nose. It seriously looks like he had a nose job. He just looks...so f*****g handsome. I envy the people he had s*x with. Oh my god why am I thinking these things? Go away thoughts. Then suddenly he looks to the side too, right into my eyes. I try to look away, but I just can't. As I'm drowning in his brown eyes that look even darker right now because it's already dark outside, he bites his bottom lip. f**k Freddie, stop driving me crazy. I f*****g love dark eyes. I clear my throat and focus on the road again. But a minute later, I find myself glancing at him again. There's this feeling deep inside me that starts getting more and more intense every day. It scares the s**t out of me but... I'm falling for Freddie.