First Heartbreak

Chapter Eight - Regret

Sam's POV

The good thing about our "little talk" was that, I didn't have to worry the day after since it was a weekend. So it somehow appeased me knowing I won't get to face her after rejecting she professed her love for me.

I've decided that I'd leave her alone for a couple of days; it’s probably the best for both of us. Besides I didn't know how to comfort a broken-hearted person. From her expression yesterday, she didn't seemed pissed, she looked hurt and pained which I had ever seen before. That slightly scared me, that she might change and won’t have the same attitude as before.

I didn't know that this would happen. I didn't even know what I did to put fuel to the fire. I really thought that what happened during the first few weeks of school was long forgotten, turns out her feelings for me have grown into something more.

I turned the radio on and tuned in to my favorite radio station while eating a bowl of chocolate porridge with fresh milk. It was a segment where a listener phoned in to the DJ to greet people and possibly dedicate a song or two.

"Hello? DJ Summer, I'd like to request a song for my girlfriend", said the male caller. "Sure! And what song would that be?” asked the sweet-voiced DJ.

"It's our song.... I never had a dream come true by S Club 7", said the caller. "Sure thing my friend! Anything for you," Soon enough the caller hang-up and the song started to play.

I listened for a while and got bored, and the only reminded me of Zen, and remembering her meant remembering that I shattered her heart the other day. Urgh, why am I being affected in the first place? I turned it to another radio station.

For all I know, I must have been late from the news because it's as if the song is being played into almost every radio station I tuned into. What the hell?

I decided to turn the radio to another station. If this was another S Club 7 song, I swear I'll jump out of the window! It was hard to listen especially when I see the last image I had of her was wiping the tear that rolled down her cheek.

I placed my spoon and bowl by the sink and went to my room. Thankfully the next radio station I tuned into played a different song. But the song's lyrics hit me, Wish You Were Here. Damn you, Avril!

-o-

It was a couple months now since I let her be. She didn't bothered to look at me, or even say a word at me, it’s as if she’s loathing me. I tried approaching Daisy too, but even her seemed to be siding with her best friend who was hurt, Daisy didn't bother to talk to me either. I was feeling guilty and sad.

I tried to focus on the lessons that Mrs Bernardine was lecturing about. From time to time I would sneak a glimpse at Zen's direction. Before all of this happened, she would look at my direction too and wave or make faces at me that would always crack me up. But this time when I glanced, she didn't looked back at me. Instead, she held her left hand to her temple and placed it on the left side of her face, as if blocking my view on purpose.

I must admit, that hurt. Even when she confessed her love for me, she was my friend, she still is and I hate to admit it but I terribly miss her. I miss how we would hang out together and just tell stories, laugh, tell each other a bunch of punch lines and laugh some more at the corniest of all! I hate this.

Then one day, out of nowhere, she started talking to me.

"Hey," she greeted.

"Hi Zen! How are you? God I missed you!" almost throwing myself at her five foot eight figure.

"Woah! Careful!" she grabbed my hands off of her neck. "I'm fine. Have you seen Melody?", she asked irritated and looked distracted.

"Umm…she's outside I think."

"Ah, good timing! Thanks." And before I could say anything more, she left.

I saw her by the garden talk to Melody. She was laughing, they giggled, and they even poked each other's sides from kidding around. I felt something odd, it’s like I’m almost kind of…jealous?

I saw Mel hand her a small note that she slipped into Zen's hand; Mel had whispered something to Zen's ear that must have been a joke or something funny because afterwards Zen was holding her stomach from laughing so hard!

She looked happy. That's good to know. I thought to myself. At least she's looking great now. It took time for me to realize that she's now interested in Melody, and I don’t know whether to be happy or miserable.

-o-

I went home and went straight to my room; I felt a buzz in my ear. I'm not sure if I was just tired or what. It's been a good three months and almost Christmas since that thing happened at the Plaza.

Although you expect to hear Christmas carols during the yuletide season, but her song kept on repeating at every radio station. And it now annoys me more than ever! Ugh! When will this end? I was infuriated every single time I would hear the first part of the song, which is just a tingling sound that makes you think of stardust being scattered all-over the place. It gives me Goosebumps every time, yet I despised that song.

I happen to bump unto Melody one day at the school library.

"Oops! Sorry Sam, I didn't see you there. I was waiting for Zen so we could study together", said Mel.

"Oh, no problem! Y-You're studying together?" I asked in disbelief. So she studies now? Good for her! I thought.

"Yes! We do this every other day so she doesn't lose track of her progress," replied Mel smiling.

"Ahh. I see."

I was helping Melody pick up the books that fell down when we bumped into each other earlier when I couldn’t help myself but ask a question I dreaded to hear the answer.

"So, you guys are dating now?"

Melody was obviously shocked at my question.

"I…I didn't mean to intrude if you don't feel like sharing. I just wanted to ask since she now looks happy and motivated", I continued.

"No, it's okay Sam." Mel smiled and blushed. "Well, if you must know... Yes! We started going out a couple of weeks ago! She's so sweet!” she admitted. "She would fetch me every after band practice, and walks me home safely before she heads home herself!"

Wow. I could almost see the sparkle in Melody's eyes as she told be about her and Zen. She had found happiness in Melody. I felt a little jealous, just a little. I didn't know if it was right or wrong, nothing I ever do seems to be right.

Then I noticed Zen walking past the window outside of the library, I immediately stood up.

"I...I have to go Mel. I remembered I had to do something important." Where do I go? Where do I go? Where do I hide? My head was screaming, YIKES!

"You okay, Sam?” asked Melody who was now concerned.

"Yes I'm okay. I gotta go", I rushed out to the other side of the library, very carefully so as not to meet her. Thank the heavens the library had two separate doors! One up front, and the other at the back; the other exit is towards the library's garden.

By the time I got out, she was already by Melody's table where she reached for a quick kiss on her cheek.

I felt hot inside, like uncomfortably hot. I didn't know why was I so mad at the thought of them being together and seeing her kiss Melody in the cheek. This should've been fine! I shouldn't feel something like this! I don’t even have the right to feel this! It isn't right at all. You broke her heart, remember? Urgh! Stupid answering brain!

What the hell? I paced left and right at the garden as I got to the classroom. I didn't understood what I was feeling. I sure was glad Zen was happy now but for some reason I felt a rage that I want to punch a hole in a wall so bad! Was I jealous? Gasp! No! IT CAN'T BE! I CAN'T BE JEALOUS! I need air. I need fresh air!