The long road to recovery

Darkness enveloped the world as stained eyes peered from behind half closed lids, the lack of a discernible light source making it difficult to make out anything more than blobs at a distance. With focus waning and nothing for the eyes to land to rest on slowly they shifted, searching for a landmark within the sea of shadows. A tinge of fear crept along the base of his spine as the soft rustling of movement broke the absolute silence. Slowly, and methodically, a hand weaved its way through the darkness, an unmistakable air of hesitation present in its movements but nonetheless spurred on by an unshakable will. From what little could be seen the hand had come to rest somewhere beyond the table which sat about stomach height. Anxious eyes once again shifted, scanning the ebbing shapes of inky black in hopes seeing more clearly. The space was void of any detail but from what little could be gathered there was not much else within the room but the table which rested before the chair upon which our fearful protagonist sat. With his heart in his throat his nerves got the best of him, he swallowed hard no longer able to keep his breathing in check. The silence of the room had once more been broken, the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest accompanying each barely audible breath he took. A cold sweat had begun to form atop his brow a single bead of sweat rolling down to meet his cheek. His heart tremored from within its cage, the sheer force causing each beat to echo throughout his being as the unmistakeable rustling of movement returned to the forefront of his attention. Doing the best he could to remain still his eyes darted to the source of the sound. His breath came to him ever more erratically as narrowed eyes finally confirmed his fears. The hand which had been dormant for a time now stirred back to life as it shifted slowly. The hesitation was even more present now than it had been upon its entrance into this shadowy play yet still it moved with absolute purpose. Shakily it inched further and further away from the table thoughts of its end goal were enough to fill the mind with visons of dread. He tried to swallow but found naught but a lump in his throat as now the sound of his heartbeat was deafening, resounding though his core and ringing in the depths of his ears. Each breath took reverberated in the air, trembling as they escaped his lips. Time slowed to a screeching halt as the hand was finally revealed, seconds lasted hours as disbelieving eyes were met with a fear so deep, so primal, it lit his very blood alight within his veins. Its sleek machined body forged for absolute aggression, the glint of polished steel catching light even within the darkness of the abyss, and the deepest darkest black of the abyss clinging dearly to its grip. In a moment caught between panic and fear he sat wide eyed, meeting the reaper’s gaze with his own and in that moment he knew what it meant to truly feel alive. Every single hair, each and every bone, down to the very cells that composed him, everything that made him, him was screaming in fear as his eye locked onto the frame of a .44 revolver. Held within the trembling digits it was the embodiment of death and sat no further away than arm’s length. Shakily the gun swayed through the darkness, its steel exterior catching a light that was nowhere to be seen. The bluish glint of steel twisted and warped along the barrel of the gun as it was brought ever closer. Inch by terrifying inch his now dilated pupils committed every minute detail to memory. The impossibly long barrel which shuttered and shook as it turned now to meet his gaze. The chambers laid empty, each filled with naught but shadows of inky black save for the last one to the left. A singular round had been chambered within this monster of a gun, after all it would take no less than one bullet to put an end to one man’s life tonight. His body was now drenched in the cold sweat of fear, his clammy hands no longer able to sit idly by as the cold steel visage of death itself turned to fix its gaze upon him. Doing the best he could to muster any sort of resolve that he held within a situation like this a trembling fist was clenched. The sheer weight of the situation weighed him down though, it was as if he was shackled to the floor by chains of lead. Thus there he sat, unable to do much of anything as the barrel of the gun now came to rest solely upon him. He wanted to run, he wanted to scream, he wanted… to do anything but all that came to the surface was ragged breathing and the nearly inaudible sob of a man resigned to death. He had done his best to remain strong up until this very point but with the barrel of a loaded .44 pointed squarely at himself he could do little to stop the flood of emotions from breaking the dam. Tears formed within the corners of his eyes as the contents of his life filled the back of his mind. There was the good moments, and the bad. There was loves lost and friendships forged and the final thoughts which lead to hot tears streaming down his face were the thoughts of what had transpired to lead him here. A simple seven word phrase was all that he could come up with after looking back on all that he had accomplished in his life “how could things have gone so wrong”. With those final words playing on repeat in the back of his mind he turned his attention once more to his imminent demise. Throughout all this the .44 had not sat still, no it now laid but mere inches from his face, the sights of the gun squared on the centre of his face. Almost willingly he opened his mouth and the taste of cold steel washed over his tongue as the gun was inserted. What had at one point been nothing more than a few tears transformed in an instance to the breakdown of a man. His cheeks framed in long streaks as he could no longer hold back the waves of emotions, the dams bursting and all sense of composure lost amidst the chaos. With his left hand still clenched tightly in a fist he cleared away the tears that clung to the corners of his eyes and readied himself. Slowly the hammer knocked back, inching delicately as the chambers swivelled and finally the telltale click of the gun now being ready to fire filled the stillness of the room. With the gun now poised to end it all and a finger wrapped around the trigger a vortex of thoughts filled the terrified mind of a broken man. There was no way that this was happening, that this could be happening, and definitely that this should be happening and yet here he sat the epicentre of this whole situation. Alas this was not a time for thinking, that time had come and gone quite a while ago, no this was a time for action for actions speak louder than words ever could. Truly these actions then were deafening, the sheer volume in fact making certain that no one could turn a blind eye to this. Yes, action was what was needed and with that though a sort of peace washed over him and his vision returned to black. With his eyes now closed he could not see the finger around the trigger begin to tense up but he could feel it through his teeth as the gun shifted about. If this was to be his end surely there would be no point crying now but still the tears stung at his eyes for the fear of death is not something so easily shook. His breath was silenced as the weight of impending death pressed down upon him. This ordeal was all but over yet could he accept this? Was this ending satisfactory, was it even an ending at all? No… he was certain that this could not, must not be the end! And just than he was filled with a silent but raging determination to live, a feeling unfamiliar to him but one that felt all too natural. He wouldn’t die here, he wouldn’t allow it. Bang! Silence returned to the room which had just seconds ago been a struggle for one’s own life, a surreal tranquility washed over the scene as all things returned to the darkness. There was no details to be seen, no sounds to be heard, only a familiar darkness which enveloped everything within its path. but then there was a light, at first just a sliver but in an instance it spilled forth like the rushing waters of a wild river. Just like that there was a light at the end of the tunnel…