Run
1382 Words
Have you ever called out someone’s name in an empty house, knowing full well you are alone, and felt like an i***t?
That’s how I felt when I called out for Bree upon waking.
Surely it was just a dream or a hallucination.
None of that could have been real.
And yet, no other wolf had mentioned any similar experience.
‘I’m here. It was real.’
‘Okay then, so how do I know I’m not going crazy instead?’
‘I guess you’ll have to trust me.’
I just huffed.
The noise caught Mum’s attention, she had dozed off in a chair next to my bed.
“Zara! Oh honey, you’re awake. How do you feel? I’ve never seen anyone take it so hard before!” her voice dripped with concern.
“I’m okay Mum. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, but I’m okay.”
What I really wanted to say was ‘is Dad my real father?’
“Did you meet your wolf? Hopefully she’ll help you recover quickly.”
“She’s beautiful. I’m so proud.”
‘Awww shucks. When you get up you should check out a mirror, by the way. You’re not so bad yourself now.’
I was going to have to get used to these three way conversations.
“That’s so wonderful. Let me call your Dad he’s been asking for updates constantly but the Beta has had him working on some maintenance in his office! You can’t turn down the Beta,” Mum rolled her eyes.
Dad.
Would it be overly facetious of me to ask ‘Which Dad?’
‘Yes. Remember, this was kept from you for a reason. Your best interests were always at heart.’
How could lies and betrayal ever be in anyone’s best interests?
The next two days passed in a blur. I was allowed home for my wolf to continue healing me, however the fatigue persisted and I slept more often than not.
I had no more visions of the lake and if it weren’t for the ever present voice of Bree I would have begun to seriously doubt my sanity.
My once easy relationship with my Dad had become strained, I’m sure Mum noticed. The odd glance as I gave him short replies lacking any depth, or stiff hugs.
I hated myself but I just didn’t know how to act anymore. It wasn’t his fault and yet he was enduring my behaviour. I would have to speak to Mum soon and find out more… But how?
‘So Mum, how was your day? What did you get up to? Oh by the way, who’s my real Dad?’
‘Yeah totally casual. Love it,’ Bree’s snarky voice gave me a giggle.
I couldn’t even bring myself to speak to Sheena about any of this- my visions at the lake, meeting Selene, my questionable parentage. Sheena and I had never held secrets from each other before, she had always been the one person I felt I could speak to about absolutely anything. I’d shortened her visit by claiming fatigue and needing a sleep, when in truth, I just didn’t trust myself not to blurt everything out to her and sound insane.
I was frustrated. Anxious.
‘Let’s go for a run,’ Bree suggested.
‘I’m not exactly the running type.’
‘Not on your two legs no, but I’m way better at it.’
It hit me- in all the stress and anxiety of my experience, I hadn’t even shifted yet!
Tradition usually dictated the first shift was done with the family unit, a bonding experience as well as having others there to support what could be an awkward and unsteady endeavour at first.
What was it Selene said about me? I see outside the boundaries? Maybe it was okay to buck the trend on this. With everything up in the air, it just felt right to try going alone.
‘Let’s get cracking then!’
‘Where to?’
‘You get me to the tree line, I’ll do the rest.’
The packhouse and surrounding lands were bordered on all sides by a forest. Far from being eerie, our forest had always brought me a sense of peace, and as I strode towards it I felt my frayed nerves begin to settle.
The hospital based transformation was a long and painful sequence of changes in our bodies, to allow shifting into our wolf form. We would ‘meet’ our wolves during visions at some stage throughout the transformation, however the first actual shift was done at a time of our own choosing. Now that the prospect of the shift had begun to hit me, butterflies began fluttering in my stomach.
Would I shift okay? What if I keep falling over? How fast will my wolf be? I wonder what skills I’ll have? What will it feel like?
‘Settle petal. Have faith.’
‘Easy for you to say.’
I knelt down to begin untying one shoe. Whilst I would eventually learn to shift on the fly- clothed or otherwise- anything I wore would likely be destroyed in the process.
‘Hold up. I have a wicked surprise for you.’
‘I’m not sure I like the sound of that.’
‘Too bad, so sad… You ready?’
‘…No?’
‘Good, let’s go!’
‘Wait, who’s the boss of who here exactly?!’ It was too late.
I lurched over, landed on my hands and knees in movements not unlike the puppeteering sensation I experienced in the lake vision. The most bizarre sensation of using your own muscles but not being in control.
Then it began.
Bree twisted my head and flexed my jaw, opened and clenched my fingers, arched my back. My bones began to change within me. Skin hardened, a double coat of soft fur and harder bristles sprouted painlessly. My face lengthened and ears grew to sharp points. And oh my goddess my tail… I couldn’t even begin to describe how odd it felt having that snake out from behind me.
Bree lifted each paw in turn, and gave my tail a cursory wag, followed by the shortest sweetest ‘yip!’ of joy.
‘You still in there Zee? Or should I start calling you Ara?’
‘I’m not sure I’d ever get used to the idea of Ara, let’s just stick with Zee. Oooh, I feel like… like an echo in here! Do I have any control?’
‘Yes, if you concentrate. Eventually we’ll work seamlessly together but for now- let me take over until you get a feel for it all!’
And just like that, Bree took off. My hind end crouched down before launching, sending us forward at full speed. Leaping over fallen logs, darting between trees, we were going so fast and yet I could make out every smell, sight and sound around me. My wolf senses were far greater than my human ones! Sap from a tree over there, moss under that log, a pair of rabbits scurrying away, a crow perched in a tree above, a small stream trickling in the distance- I could sense the entire world around me despite the speed we were traveling at.
This was exhilarating.
For the first time in my 18 years I felt what it was like to be truly free.
Not only that, I felt powerful.
Despite being newly transformed and newly shifted, Bree didn’t stumble, trip, misjudge or falter- it was effortless.
Eventually though, I grew tired. The thought barely crossed my mind before I sensed Bree slow down and come back to a walk. I emerged into a small clearing where the sunlight filtered through to a carpet of lush green grass. It was just begging to be napped on.
‘I hope you don’t snore.’
‘Very funny,’ Bree replied, before very ungraciously throwing us to the ground and spinning over, scratching our back in the grass. ‘You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do that!’
I was content to stay in wolf form, lapping up the sun with my chin resting on one paw.
‘I think that was exactly what I needed, thank you.’
‘Me too.’
My panting stopped and my breathing slowed as I recovered from exertion, and before I knew it, I dozed off.
- Writer
