Rediscovering Me

I never expected it . Not from him . He was my best friend , my everything . He knew how much I needed him . How much I needed This . Out of all the people to hurt me , why did it have to be me . Like my trust weren't bad enough before I met him . To think I had put all of my trust , all of my hope in him . The wolf in sheep's clothing . ************ " You have to leave the house eventually Ann , moping around isn't going to do you any good . " Bex says , pulling the bed sheets off of my uncooperative body . " I did not say that I will not leave . I will . Eventually . I just want to spend the day in , relax ." I say , pulling the blanket from her . " That's what you've been saying for three weeks . We can't watch our dear best friend die from heartache on her own on her queen sized bed . Its either you make space for us or , we take you out . " Laura says from my bedroom door , looking as beautiful as she always does , effortlessly . I sometimes envy her , with her pin straight and luscious jet-black hair , flawless fair skin and perfectly slim body . She's never had to go on a diet as I have in the hopes of slimming down . I've always been the ' biggest ' amongst my friends . I've always had the biggest feet , the biggest clothing size . There were times when I'd cry myself to sleep , wishing that I could be more like my friends , more like the girls in the magazines , the girls without the fat under their chin , without the fat that kind of bulges out when wearing cheeky shorts . The girls with the perfectly round faces , straight , long hair and perfectly toned bodies . But , that never happened . I was always the least attractive amongst my friends , all the boys made that abundantly clear , talking to them and completely ignoring me . Valentine's days were the worst . Every other girl would have a valentine , besides me . I'd be sitting alone , sulking internally . Just as I normally would every other day . Until he came along . Eric Jones . The only one who really captured my attention . I dare not say my heart . For if I do , it will only hurt a trillion times more . All boy next door and book worm nerd vibes , with a hint of too good to be true and seriously underrated good looks . My favorite new best friend . Not that I had many new bestfriends . Or even a best friend to begin with . I guess it just felt right calling him that . Hell , everything felt right with him , the terrible thunderstorms , being caught in the down pour on the way to and back from school , the spot tests in physics , even being hit on the head by a basket ball full force . He made everything seem like daisies and rainbows . I think that's what hurt the most . The fact that I'd put my life in his hands , giving him free reign . The fact that I'd become dependent on him . He was my source of joy , belonging , motivation . Everything . The day he left , I broke . Into a million pieces , shards of glass scattered everywhere . It's been three weeks and four days . My world has ended and been reconstructed , minus the sun , rainbows , beautiful blue sea and of course , my dearest bubblegum flavoured ice cream . Now . It's just me . And them . Who I never belonged to , where I never belonged , in a body I never loved and living a life I never wanted . what a bad , sad world .