My Two Deadly Obsessions

I could hear my heartbeat in the hospital room, which smelt like blood and bleach. The tension and silence in the hospital had become very uncomfortable, I could barely breathe. My chest rose and fell rapidly. The doctor said it was a fifty-fifty chance. Fifty to live. Fifty to die. I paced around the waiting room, fingers clenched in my hair, my steps uneven. “God, please don't let my parents die, give them a second chance,” I prayed silently, clinging to the tiny fragment of faith I still had. My Sunday school teacher once preached about faith– if only we believers had faith as small as a mustard seed, we could move mountains. At that moment, it was my only backbone, my only encouragement. “Laura, please sit down. You've been walking about for the past hour," my best friend Lily pleaded, her eyes filled with tears and sadness. But her plea fell on deaf ears as I continued my silent prayer. Sitting felt like surrender. I turned and saw her crying–red hair stuck to her swollen cheek, eyes glassy from exhaustion. I felt my heart tightened, but I was determined not to cry. I forced my feet in her direction. “Lily, don't cry,” I said, placing my hands on her shoulder. They are going to be alright. Tears symbolize sadness, and we can't be sad," I said–the words more for myself than her. “I'm not crying honey,” she whispered, wiping her face. “They are going to be alright.” She tightened her hold on my hands as if drawing invisible strength from them. “Good day, Miss.” I spun around at the sound of the doctor's voice. Our emotional battle abruptly ended. “Doctor,” I rushed out. “How are my parents? Have they woken up? Can I see them now?” My eyes pleaded with him for good news–as if my parents' lives were in his hands. “Miss Laura….do you have any family members I can communicate with?” he asked gently. All my composure vanished. My heartbeat ceased for a second. I sensed something had gone wrong, but I could hardly speak. The words in my mouth became heavy as I screamed out. “ Doctor, talk to me. I'm their only family, I'm all they have!" He lowered his gaze. " Miss Laura… I'm sorry your parents couldn't make it, the injuries were…" “No!” I grabbed his hands, cutting him off. “They can't be dead. No! They can't leave me. They are all I have. Please. Do Something.” My fingers clawed at the fabric of my dress as my scream tore through the hallway. “We did everything we could. The situation was very critical,” he said softly. “It’s all in the Lord's hands now.” The world spun. I couldn't make sense from what he was saying. I stared straight into the doctor's eyes, shaking my head with strong conviction. “No–God hates me. God hates my parents. I prayed to Him. I believed in Him. I obeyed His commandment and teachings, but He repaid me with wickedness. I felt betrayed. “Why do innocent people suffer? Wasn't I worthy of his love?” My voice cracked with every word, my question to one in particular. I wanted to believe he was still listening and wasn't too late to do a miracle. But all I could hear was silence– heavy, cold, final. The doctor touched my hands gently, his eyes filled with sympathy as he walked away. My legs gave way beneath me, and the world spun until I sank to the cold floor. I turned and caught my reflection from the glass door, my eyes were red and swollen, my neatly dressed hair had become scattered and disheveled, my princess gown bought by my mom for my birthday party now reeked of sorrow and blood. I quickly turned away from the glass and sat on the floor, numbed and void of emotions. Lily held my shoulders tightly and kept whispering, “I'm here…, I'm here.” She was still in shock. I couldn't move or speak, I stared absent-minded at the chairs arranged near the operating room as my mind drifted back to earlier that day… (EARLIER THAT DAY) “ Laura, you're awake? " My mom asked, knocking on my door. “Yes mum–I'm dressing up,” I answered, excitedly. “I will be out in a minute.” “ Okay sweetheart" I could hear the smiles in her voice. She was sweet, calm, intelligent and deeply religious–everything warm and safe in my world. On a normal day, I'm a heavy sleeper, who never stirred until the alarm clock screamed in my ear. But today wasn't just a normal day– it was my eighteenth birthday and my parents, the Diego's, had decided to throw a big party in my honor. When I was quite young, I thought my parents wouldn't give birth again because they loved me so much. “Good morning Dad,” I greeted, running through the stairs. Blood rushed up to my cheeks as I blushed hard. “ Good morning my princess. He answered with a big smile, looking up from the newspaper he was reading. “Hope you slept well?” It was his every morning activity, and I grew up wanting to share in everything they did. “Like a queen," I teased, flipping my long blonde hair with a grin. Being dramatic has always been my talent. My dad often told me I took after my mum in everything–including being “too much,” but my mum would always deny it, which we all know was false. “Laura, come help me in the kitchen.” My mom called out as she placed breakfast on the dinner table. “And stop acting." “Oh please. The birthday princess deserves some break," I shot back jokingly. Her laugh echoed as her shoulder shook uncontrollably. I nestled beside dad on the couch, enjoying the warmth of his body. When I picked up the newspaper to glance through, I saw the rally held for my dad's campaign had indeed been a success. “Dad,look. The rally was productive.” “Yes princess, it was indeed a success," my dad's face brimming with joy and pride. " No business talks this morning." Mum called out from the dining room. “Food is ready–let's eat.” My dad took my hands and led me to the dining room.It was my favorite; fried spaghetti and chicken. “Happy birthday princess. We love you,” my mum wished me as she placed a kiss on my cheeks. Tears flowed freely from my eyes. I stood speechless. How could I describe how much I loved them? “Sweetheart, no tears. It's your big day,” Mum whispered, wiping my tears with her hands. Birthdays are for rejoicing not mourning.” Feeling comforted, I hugged both of them. " I love you both forever," the words poured out of my mouth filled with sincerity. The emotional display and breakfast was over, we joked over old memories of my childhood and I felt taller– Indeed I'm a grown woman now. My birthday party was set for 7p.m. and they insisted I wait till the party for my birthday present. Each year my birthday has always been amazing. On my sixteenth birthday, I got a ticket to Cardi B's live concert–a dream come true. On my seventeenth birthday,my dad surprised me with a summer house on Coastal Long Island. A summer house I had always dreamt of. This year I could barely wait to see my present. Music, laughter and love filled the air. Birthday wishes and presents poured in by friends and family–the day couldn't have been more beautiful. My old college friends had come to join the celebration. “Wonderful" was an understatement to the party. It was already 9 p.m. and it was time for my parents to reveal my birthday present. I pressed my hands to my side of my red flowing slit gown, unable to contain my excitement. The music gave life to the party. Drinks and food were surplus. I felt my bra strap loosen, so I went into the toilet to fix it. As I passed through my parents’ room, a sharp voice–filled with fury, crying out in pain. “ You can't go now, it's our,“your" daughter's big day!” my mum screamed. Her pain sticking to each of her words. This was the first time I had ever seen her out of control. “Sweetheart, calm down, I have to go–this is for our daughter. We can't let harm befall her and the secret must be kept.” I could hear my mum weeping bitterly. " I'm coming with you. We are going together,” she said firmly, her tone final. " Okay honey,” my Dad replied with a low voice. I knew he wanted to stop her but with her tone, he knew it would be a wasted effort. " But we have to come back immediately and present the gift to her,” my mum said,her voice now steady and calm. I was confused and lost. What were they hiding from me? Who wanted to harm me? Why was my mother crying? Different questions raced through my mind. I had never felt so lost and betrayed. “No secrets"–that had been my mother's policy since I was born and all these while, the secret keepers were my parents. I took it up on myself to confront them when they were back. I fixed my bra strap and returned to the party, it was still filled with life but my inner peace was gone, my smile was just a makeup. I tapped my feet on the floor restlessly. My mind wandered on different possible thoughts of what might have delayed them. It was already past ten and my parents had not returned, the spokesman called on them several times for the gift presentation but they didn't show up. I had totally forgotten about my gifts,I needed my parents’. I needed to hug them and tell them I had forgiven them and I didn't care about any secrets. My inner battle was crazy. I felt my head spinning around. I stood up to meet Lily. “Lily please I need your help," my tears spilling freely “What is it Laura?"she asked, alarmed. I grabbed her hands and I hurriedly led her to my room. “I overheard my parents saying they needed to do something and come back , but it's been almost two hours and they are not back. Lily, I'm scared." Tears came down my face messing up my makeup, but at this moment I didn't care. “Don't cry–maybe they got stuck in traffic," the doubt in Lily's words was very obvious. “ Let's go check at the party, maybe they are back.” Lily suggested as she wiped my tears. I followed her reluctantly, clinging to the tiniest hope of them actually being there. We scanned the crowd–no sign of them. I was scattered and broken. Tears slipped from my eyes. Lily caressed my hands, offering silent comfort and encouragement. The party was gradually coming to an end. They bade their goodbyes. Disappointment etched across my former colleague’s face as they gathered to witness the gift presentation, but I couldn't care at this moment. My mind was consumed with one thought–where were my parents? It was already 1:17a.m., still no sign of my parents’. Only a few close families were still around. The tension could no longer be hidden, worries were written on each of our faces, but nobody voiced their thoughts. I became their pity object. I laid my head on Lily's lap,exhausted from everything. Then the call came Accident. Car crash. Come to St. Paul’s hospital. My legs ceased existing. The whole place became blurry. My head spinned until I fell to the ground,tears pouring from my eyes. I snapped back to the present–the raw pain in my chest. Safety from who? Which secret? The question flooded my already shattered mind.