Manipulation at its finest.

The Basics Of Manipulation.

Manipulation is a funny thing, you know?

It can make even the strongest person seem as weak as a baby bird because once someone has manipulated you the knowledge that they can always be with them, while you are unaware.

Unfortunately, it's not an easy thing to notice when someone has that power over you or is even attempting to manipulate you, accidentally or not.

The biggest ones I've noticed that are most often used are:

Lies.

Guilt.

Pity.

I explained lies somewhat in the introduction but to go in a little more depth here's what I gather from lying manipulation.

For me, lying is the most common form of manipulation since almost every person lies almost daily.

Sometimes it's not a bad thing! I lied to myself every day for a year telling myself that I am beautiful, I made myself write "I love me" multiple times a day and after all that? I now love myself and believe I am beautiful.

Unfortunately, the little good it does is heavily outweighed by how much damage it costs, heck you may not realise it but I would suggest 97% of you have been manipulated with either a lie or guilt or pity in your life.

I guarantee it is from your parents too.

Want an example? I bet you've heard this before;

"Can you throw the trash out?"

"Do I have to?"

"Excuse me? I'm asking you to take out the trash, not cook dinner or clean the house or anything you can't do, you don't do anything around here! Who has looked after you all these years? Gave you a roof over your head? Fed you?"

Honestly even starting to write that made me feel a bit mad, yeah you as our parents raised us, fed us, clothed us but we are not indebted to you.

We never had the choice to be born, we never asked to be brought into a world where you have to be integrated into a society that is dependent on you working a job that most of the time no one even cares about. Forced to pay what we work to live a barely livable existence, all because we're manipulated at a young age that this is the way life is.

Maybe it's an unpopular idea but is it fair?

Anyways I'll leave that little seed in your minds to blossom, next is the guilt manipulation.

Using guilt as manipulation I believe is probably the easiest and in my opinion the most used one, especially by teenagers.

I'll be honest with you, by the way, I am in no way innocent by any means when it comes to manipulation. Yes, I am a victim but I have also manipulated things and people, but never to a damaging extent. Just wanted to make that clear haha!

Guilt is primarily used by, if you haven't guessed by now, family. Always.

But they are not the only ones who use this form of manipulation, potential lovers/crushes often use this to either break or create a relationship where they benefit the most from this, with you.

One way they use this is with a disguised threat such as ending their life, while yes this is not exclusively attached with manipulation that does not mean they will not use it. For example; Say you've been dating someone for a while and they expressed that they are depressed and suicidal, the moment you feel any withering feeling or express doubts about the relationship they will come up with an excuse that will make you feel guilty enough to stay.

Pretending that you've indirectly hurt them and will leave them, saying how bad things are going for them in their lives at that moment...

Although I'll admit I sometimes make my boyfriend feel guilty on purpose...

FOR FOOD!

I'm a big foody and sometimes I give my biggest pouting face and pretend to whimper just so we can have something I enjoy. I know it's wrong and I am trying to do it less, honestly, I didn't even realise how manipulative it was until recently, even though it's smaller compared to most things it is wrong and for that, I hope I can fix it it that part of myself.

The final of the three that I think are most used is a pity, using this form is usually after someone has been rejected after an attempt to make a relationship romantic.

The most common thing that is said in my opinion is;

"Yeah it's fine, I should've known I'm too ugly to be with or be loved."

If not these exact words I can promise you it is along these lines, they use pity to make you do something you initially had no intention of. Fairly often it's used by parents AND younger generations, making out you're too sick to go to school or your parents make out how exhausted they are so in the end you do the task they were gonna do.

Most of the time with this form of manipulation it's minor things compared to lying and guilt however the reason why it's still along this list is that it is more common than the others and of course can be used for big things but one of the biggest reasons is this opinion I have.

By using this form daily perhaps hourly even from experience it can feel less like you're helping someone or more specifically your parents and more like you are a little servant they can ask you to do something and of course, you can't say no.

"Can you get the towels for me, if you don't mind?"

While this can seem like just a simple request it can be considered as more like manipulation, if you're like me your response would be: "Yeah, I don't mind."

If you are like me and you would say that then you know, we both know, that the only reason we say we don't mind is that we do. But also know if we said no we would have to deal with our parents being mad at us about our attitude and that it is just easier to say we don't mind.

While yes this is not a massive manipulation can you, the ones who don't see this as an issue at all and just helping out, would you not get sick of it and feel the same about it if it was multiple times a day for some of the most simple tasks almost every day.

There's a line between helping out and manipulating, at least in my opinion.

However you shouldn't take every person who is sharing something distressing as manipulative, some could just be looking for sympathy or someone to rant to. Not everyone is going to use pity to manipulate you or for an ulterior motive, just be careful when they do and don't allow their need for pity or them making you feel guilty to make you do anything you initially had no interest in.

Or if they immediately start asking for something after expressing distress that has nothing to do with the topic, take that as a red flag!!

At that moment they are MANIPULATING YOU.