Fighting Temptations

Chapter 5 "Sleepless nights"

It's been a long week and I feel like my body is drained. I need rest and a lot of it. I took some time off of work because I'm not in a good space. My emotions are all over the place and I can not seem to concentrate. I was feeling sluggish almost everyday and wanted to give myself some quality time. How ironic since my husband was the one who started with these quality sessions. Maybe he is changing for the better. Who knows? We have been through this before but it seems he is really remorseful and since this occurrence I find myself having sleepless nights and it's starting to take a toll on me. "Lord why me?" I ask with a heavy heart.

The naps I take during the are more peaceful than the slumber I'm supposed to be in at night.

Somehow through all this I find that there is a piece of me yearning for Cyp's touch, for the look in his eyes filled with passion and love. It's so inviting for me yet dangerous at the same time.

I need tranquility in my mind so I can function like a normal human being and not be consumed by lustful thoughts so I head upstairs to take a nap so that I will wake up with a renewed spirit, I hope.

--------------------

The alarm clock goes off at four, since I set it to wake me up so that I can get supper ready. I slept well at that and it's been four hours since I dozed off with a book in my hands.

I get up and go to the bathroom.. I splash my face with some cold water and take a towel to dab my face dry. I fix my hair and head out to go to the kitchen

I wreck my brain thinking what to make for supper.. I nod my head and think of hubby's favourite. Beef Lasagna with Greek salad and potato bake it is, then and I get started with the preparations. Halfway through the process I hear a car pull up in the driveway and I go to the front door to inspect who it was. To my surprise, hubby is home early today. I walk back to the kitchen as he closed the door of the car and began walking towards the front door. He opened the door and came in, putting his briefcase and laptop bag on the couch he walks up the stairs.

I don't look much into what just happened because I know he has a bad temper at times, so I will just wait until he comes down. It's been thirty minutes and he still hasn't come down, so I decided to go inspect the situation.. I walk up the stairs slowly and as I approached the room I stiffen before plucking up the courage and going into our bedroom.

I enter the room and notice that he has just taken a shower.. I had seen his chest everyday for the past five years, but it still enchants me after all this time. He is so damn sexy. I ask him how his day has been and he hardly looks at me and replies in an abrupt and glacial tone "Fine." I look at him and he seems not to be bothered by my presence, so I turn and just as I'm about to close the door he says "I'm hungry, what's for dinner?" as if testing the waters before getting in. I look at him and tell him "I've made beef Lasagna with potato bake" as I slam the door in his face and head down to the kitchen.

"Who and what does this man think of himself" I thought as I felt my face flush and my hands becoming round with fists I clenched at my sides. I feel my heart ache and a lump form in my throat.. My airways feeling constricted I feel my face warm up and the hot liquids running down my cheeks.. I gather some courage wipe my tears and tell myself "You are stronger than the challenges you face!" Is this cycle ever going to end ? Why am I enduring all this pain and suffering? One minute he is up and the next he is down, I don't know what to make of this anyone" the thoughts loudly ringing in my head.

Just then he enters into the kitchen and puts his hands around my waist as I have my back to him. I freeze and remain motionless as I wait for him to utter something, so I wait in anticipation.

"Let's make love, he says and I'm no mood for his request.. "I'm busy." I replied and he holds me even tighter. I can smell alcohol on his breath even tough he has just freshend up. I take a deep breath and ask him "Are you happy in this marriage?" He slightly loosens his grip and turns me to look at him. His eyes dark and deep filled with so much mystery looks at me and says " I am very happy to have you as my wife and in my life. You complete me in every way and you take good care of me. Hope I have answered your questions," he smiles and winks. "Why did you marry me?" the second question escapes my lips. He looks at me quizzically and I'm expecting an answer cause I've had enough of being on this seesaw of a marriage. He takes a step back and takes my hands in his. "I love you, Andy and you're the only woman for me" he starts. " You make me feel good and I don't regret marrying you."

I take a step back and tell him how unhappy I am in this marriage. "I'm so unhappy that I sometimes ask myself if I made the right choice."

I see his face grow cold but he shows no emotion. I look at him and tell him dinner will be ready in the next fourty minutes to which he gazed at me and walks to the living room.

He must be digesting the words I just gave him - I thought.

He goes to the table with the drinks and gulps two double shots looking in my direction. I followed suit and stood infront of him, knowing what i had just said to him, frustrated him and dent his ego. I lean forward and place my hands around his waist as I put my head in his neck, feeling that I want the tension gone. I feel his arms slowly wrapping around me to which he bent down slightly as he stared to kiss me. We started stripping each other kissing almost every other part and the next thing I was on top of him riding him like a wild horse.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

We look at each other and I jumped off. We both knew it could be my mother bringing Aiden back from daycare. I quickly ran up the stairs with my clothes in my hand. He quickly put on his shorts and shirt and hurried to the door. Upon opening, Aiden ran into his dads arms shouting " Daddy I missed you." His dad kissed him on the forehead and said "me too little man." He greeted my mom and asked her to come in. She may have heard my moans because they were so loud to which she just smiles and said " I'm in quite a hurry,tell Andy I say hello and will talk to her later." He nodded and closed the door to which I came downstairs fully dressed. I missed my baby boy so mummy gave him a warm hug and a peck on the lips. He ran up to put his bag down and I tell him to wash his hands and come down for supper.

I set the table and we dive in after we said grace. The mood is light and pleasure filled. We're done so I clear the dishes and wash up before going to bed.

My husband is already asleep when I get in and I just get in next to him. After reading a book for the vast three hours, I'm struggling to fall asleep. Even while reading the book my mind seemed to have drifted to a certain individual. I was missing him wondering what he had been up to, wondering if he made his usual stops at the bar. This is torture. My mind is working overtime and it's tugging at my heart. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and my heart is at constant war with my brain. When will it end? I sigh and stare at the ceiling. Could this night end already!!