Moth to Flame

CHAPTER 5

Ethan

I was a goddamned i***t. I just knew I was going to f**k this s**t up sooner or later, but I still had to go and do it anyway. I was a member of the f*****g Mafia. Women who dealt with our kind had to know what they were getting themselves into beforehand or else the life would destroy them. I knew all of that. I had heard the s**t all of my life, and yet, I still f****d s**t up.

Mia didn't know who I was or what I had sold my soul for. I had no right to try to make her fall in love with me. She deserved more than what my mother had had before she met Jeff. I had strong feelings for Mia, but would it be enough to keep me from turning into a man like my father? A man who had put whores before his own family. I couldn't be the kind of guy Mia needed, so I was going to end this s**t before it went any further.

After I left the party on Monday, Luca had taken me back to my place to sleep off the rest of my high. All I had felt was disgust and guilt for being with another woman, for doing drugs, and for imagining Mia while I had s*x with Lisa.

I didn’t understand what the f**k had been wrong with me. I’d never regretted any of the f****d up s**t I had done before. One meeting with Mia and I’d started to question my life and its meaning. Then I had to go and make s**t worse by offering her a job so I could see her every day. Being near Mia and not touching her was going to be f*****g torture.

I’d slept most of the day on Tuesday, but Tuesday night I had been awake and jumpy. I’d contemplated going back to the warehouse and getting high again, but I decided against it. I probably would have f****d some other b***h and felt just as bad or maybe worse.

Some of the mob guys who hung out there knew Lorenzo. If the Boss ever found out I was doing drugs, he would f**k my s**t up. He wouldn't kill me or anything, but he'd probably force me into rehab and take the club away. Eleanor and Abigail would also have been even more disappointed in me than they already were. Lorenzo and Stefano sold drugs, but they sure as hell didn't condone any members of their family being users.

I had ended up driving over to Mia and Wyatt's duplex. Their place was small and in one of those sketchy bohemian neighborhoods you find in every major city. I knew Wyatt wouldn't be home, because I already had him working every night. We had a large shipment of guns coming through the club, so I’d needed him to be there to help out. Plus, it was a chance for him to get acquainted with some of the other associates of the Clan.

I felt bad about keeping him out and away from Mia so much, but I'd hired a personal bodyguard to look after her during the times Wyatt was out. Of course, she didn't know it. Theguard was never to get too close to her or make his presence known. Still, he was still armed and ready in case she needed help.

I felt protective of Mia. I was sure as s**t not going to risk her being harmed by anyone. I didn't f*****g care if it was a tiny dog chasing her or a big guy trying to take her down. Mess with my baby doll, and your life would be f****d up.

Jesus f*****g Christ, man. Did you just call her baby doll?

Eventually I’d gotten my stupid ass in the car and drove away before I did something idiotic, but the next day I’d cracked and totally f****d up. Wednesday had been a particularly shitty day. First, I’d concocted some bullshit reason to send Wyatt to Chicago to meet Lorenzo and Stefano and discuss business. He hadn't really wanted to go, but I made it an order. Wyatt always did what he was told.

Unfortunately, Wyatt had asked Frank to babysit Mia. I definitely wasn't going to have that s**t go down. I trusted Frank, but I wanted to be the one to watch her. I’d known Wyatt would never let me stay home alone with Mia, so I had come up with a plan to get Frank out of the way later in the day.

I’d sent him on some bullshit errand knowing the weather was going to be bad - and he'd likely get his ass stuck there overnight. After my plans had been put in motion, I came up with an excuse I would use to get Mia to let me in to her house. I’d decided the bullshit excuse of going over office procedures worked. I knew Mia's sweet ass was eager to please, so she certainly wouldn't turn her future boss away if he wanted to discuss work.

Being the stupid motherfucker that I was, I’d smoked a joint laced with PCP before I headed over to see Mia. I had been f*****g jumpy all day. Some of my working girls, who had been on vacation, were due back soon. I knew s**t was going to pop off.

Chanel kept the bitches in line for me. They were all over age twenty-one, but they acted like a high school full of teenage thots competing for prom queen. Most of the strippers were catty, vindictive, and petty. They saw me as their main prize. As if I'd fall in love with some motherfucking cunt who spread her legs for money. Sure I’d f****d most of them during the interview process to make sure they could cut it, but that was just business.

I didn't f**k them all, though. I'd never done Chanel because she’d earned my respect long ago. She wasn't like those other bitches. She had a brain. She and I had already discussed Mia. I knew Mia would be a target because she was new, and she wasn't like those bitches. Chanel had promised to keep them all away from Mia, and report to me if any of them got f*****g hostile with my baby doll.

There was the pet name again. Baby doll. I called her that because she reminded me of an expensive porcelain doll Abigail had once owned. Mia was much sexier than that doll, though.

I'd spent so much time jizzing to the thought of Mia that I was surprised my hand hadn't fallen off. Each time I thought of her, I got a hard-on. She’d been on my mind almost every single minute of every day since we’d met. I dreamed of her in different positions - her on top of me, me in back of her, her with my d**k in her mouth. I really wanted to feel my c**k in Mia's mouth someday, but the sensation would probably kill me. Hell, thinking about s*x with Mia was killing me. I couldn't even go bust a nut with some other b***h, because I felt too guilty.

On Wednesday, I’d pulled up to her f*****g apartment and knocked on the door. I had taken my silver Corvette. I knew if I’d driven the Phantom in her neighborhood it would have gotten stolen or some asshole would have drooled over it and tried to touch my s**t. I wasn't having it, so the ‘vette had been chosen as my stalker mobile.

Mia had answered after a couple of knocks. She had been so goddamned innocent and naïve that she hadn't even looked through the peephole. She was surprised to see me at the door. The fact that she had been so unaware made me feel better about hiring my bodyguard to watch over her.

She’d looked f*****g cute as hell standing there in her old clothes with stains all over them. It appeared she had been cooking. I’d smelled the most mouthwatering scent coming from the kitchen.

Being the douchebag that I was, I had snapped at her and told her some inappropriate s**t. She had eventually called my ass out on said s**t. Because of the PCP in my bloodstream I’d reacted badly. Just thinking about it, I wanted to kick my own ass for the way I had grabbed her arm.

When she’d started crying, I’d felt a tug in my chest and the high seemed to wear off. This was my f*****g baby doll; no way should I have put my hands on her like that. I had tried to soothe her and she had let me, even going so far as to invite me for dinner.

The f*****g dinner, making out with, and sleeping with Mia were the highlights of my romantic life so far. She had been so f*****g beautiful, and she didn't even know it. She’d been so surprised when I'd described how magnificent she was. And her kisses. She had been so responsive. I would bet that Mia hadn't had many kisses in her life. The fact that I had been the first motherfucker she let feel her up didn't go unnoticed by me either. I hadn't f*****g deserved it, but Mia had given me a piece of her no other man had ever feasted on. The thought that I could be her one and only made me f*****g ecstatic.

Mia was an excellent cook. She was also witty and well-read. I never got tired of talking with her. Also, she wasn't like some of the other bitches I had known. She never asked me about my money or threw herself at me. She had asked me about my car, but it had been an absentminded question like she was just making conversation.

Even the f*****g chicken dinner was the best I’d ever had. She had been so sweet, feeding me cookies and not letting me help clean up. I’d sensed she was kind of ashamed of her and Wyatt's apartment, but it was homey and everything was clean and orderly. I’d felt extremely comfortable there.

I hadn't meant to see her half naked. I’d come back into the house. After not seeing her in the kitchen, I’d gone upstairs to make sure she was okay. Seeing Mia's breasts was an image I would remember for the rest of my life, her tiny pink n*****s had been puckered. I had to physically restrain myself from taking one in my mouth. It had taken all my strength not to f**k her right there.

The kiss in her room and the one on the couch had given me the worst case of blue balls I’d ever had in my life. I had wanted her like I'd never wanted anything else, and I knew she would have let me take her. I was being responsible.

Ethan-f*****g-Sodero, being responsible. Who would have thought?

We’d watched a classic movie. Mia laughed throughout the night, and I f*****g loved the sound of her laughter. I usually didn't notice s**t like that about bitches, but my baby doll was different. I craved Mia, all of her. I wanted her body, her mind, and her soul. I wouldn't have been happy only f*****g her since we had only known each other two days. When she said I could sleep with her, I had decided it to keep it PG-13.

I hadn't slept in the same bed with anyone since I was eight, and that had been with my mom or Abby. The bitches I had f****d weren't allowed in my apartment. I didn't sleep with them after the s*x was over. Hell, I didn't even kiss them. Mia had been the first woman I had kissed since I was a teenager. Her mouth was heaven on Earth, so warm and moist. I could taste the cookies she’d had for desert on her tongue. Mia's skin had been naturally sweet, too. I’d eaten her up like she was my last supper.

I had had a nightmare. Mmy angel had held me all night in her arms. She’d protected me from my dreams. I’d awoke feeling better than I'd felt in forever. Mia's soft little ass had been pressed right into my morning wood. I was sure as s**t not going to wake her up, and I hadn’t stayed in bed because it was f*****g painful to be so close and not get any release. In the end, I’d left her the note and the f*****g hundred dollars. I knew she'd find the down payment funny, and I hoped she would use the money to buy something. I’d taken a picture of her sleeping, and it became my phone, computer, and tablet screen.

I’d managed to stay the f**k away from Mia on Thursday. I had considered calling her, but decided it wasn't a good idea. Mia and I couldn't ever be together. The sooner I got that s**t out of my head, the better off we would both be. The only problem was I couldn't get my heart or body to listen to my head, because all they wanted was Mia. Honestly, all my head wanted was Mia, too. She'd been in my every thought. Every particle of my being craved my baby doll, and longed to be near her.

It was Friday, Mia and Wyatt's first official day of work. I was nervous as hell. I was going to tell Mia Wednesday meant nothing and suggest we put it behind us and act professionally. It was going to f*****g kill me to lie and hurt my baby doll, but I knew it would be for the best in the long run. Mia deserved a normal life with a normal man that she could have kids with and be happy. Regardless, the thought of my Mia making love with some dickwad made me want to f*****g off myself.

As if s**t wasn't f****d up enouge, there were two f*****g moths circling one of my lamps. I'd never seen any other bugs up here, but these dumb motherfuckers always managed to come and infest my office space. I was going to have to talk to Frank about getting an exterminator to spray some s**t that would kill them. I was too stressed out to deal with the stupid moths, though. Instead of trapping them in the glass, I decided to ignore their existence.

My office had a balcony that led outside. Mia would be in the outer office which it had a small kitchenette, some plush chairs, and a smart television. Mia's desk was facing the window. I’d bought a lot of brand new computer s**t for her to use. I’d gotten Eleanor to order a special ergonomically designed desk chair for Mia. The chair had cost a shitload and was made in Italy created from the finest Italian leather. It was a fitting throne for my queen Mia. I also made sure the office was extremely comfortable and looked sophisticated. Mia's desk was made out of mahogany.

I had even bought her a new Macbook laptop she could keep to use at home. I had seen her laptop in her room, and that s**t had been ancient. I was pretty sure it was Mia's choice not to upgrade - she seemed like the type of person who didn't really like new stuff. Her room was full of personal, inexpensive belongings. I’d wanted to leave something of mine there; too, but everything I have is impersonal and expensive. Even though I knew Mia would never be mine, I still felt like I had to take care of her. She deserved nice things, even if she didn't want them.

I owned a condo building downtown, and I lived in the penthouse suite at the top. It was ostentatious and expensively decorated, but I had never really felt comfortable in it. I had never taken bitches there, and the only women who had slept in it were Mom and Abby. I had a feeling I would be adding Mia to the list soon but only to sleep.

Luckily, my office had a secret apartment leading off to the side, so I could just crash at the club. Lorenzo had had the apartment built for me for security purposes. It was the coolest s**t, like some kind of bat cave. I felt like a superhero or some s**t. Well, on second thought, maybe more like the villain. No one would ever mistake my sorry ass for a hero.

To get into the secret apartment, I needed to put a code into a security system and do a facial scan. Lorenzo and I were the only two whose faces were registered, and he had never gone inside. The hidden panel to activate the keypad was behind my middle bookcase and a certain lead book worked as the trigger. I was the only one who knew about the book and where it was located. After the security system beeped, the wall would open up. Right in front would be a bulletproof door. The door had to be unlocked, and I was the only one with the key.

The apartment had a full sized kitchen with stainless steel appliances and granite countertops. The lone bedroom was done in dark tones. It had a huge California king-sized canopy bed, and a large televsion munted on the front wall. There was a full sized bathroom with a Jacuzzi bathtub and two shower heads. There was also a living area that had a custom made Italian leather sectional, another tv, and my baby grand piano.

I didn't play much anymore, but something about being around Mia made me want to start composing again. Plus, I wanted to make love to her on top of the piano. Like that'll ever f*****g happen. Still one could dream.

I liked to think of my private apartment as the devil's lair. Everything was decorated in reds and blacks, and I never kept on much light inside. I was planning on giving Mia the code and adding her face, in case she wanted to cook or take a nap in there some nights. I'd never shown any of the other bitches my lair, but Mia was different. I would be breaking her heart soon, so she at least deserved something for my stupid ass messing up her life. I would have to talk to Abigail about adding flowers and any other s**t that would make the apartment more feminine.

I was out on the balcony looking at the city when I felt them. Those f*****g tingles were back. My baby doll must be here. Before I could even fully form the thought, I heard the outside door open and a tinkling laugh ring out.

"Thanks for carrying my bags up, Frank. Tell Wyatt I'll be down to see him during my lunch break," I heard Mia say. Wyatt's office was on the fourth floor of the club. It was nicely furnished and in the middle of everything, just where I needed him to be.

I gathered up all my control and turned to open the door. Standing there in all her f*****g glory was my baby doll. Damn. She looks f*****g amazing. She had worn a dressier outfit than usual. She had probably been unsure about what kind of attire to wear to work. Being the f*****g asshole that I was, I had forgotten to tell her. Still, she was a stunner.

She had on a black A-line skirt which stopped just above her knees. With the skirt, she wore a pale mint green low cut sweater with small, gold beading across the neckline. I could see the top swells of her beautiful breasts. I was sure she had worn the outfit for me, just like the pink cardigan. As usual, Mia had on her ballet flats. To add to my already tortured d**k, she also had on pantyhose. Well, f**k me blind. My f*****g baby doll in pantyhose. She really was trying to kill me. They were the sheer kind, and I could see her perfect legs underneath. The skirt was fitted, and her tight little ass looked great in it. Her hair was in some kind of messy updo with a few tendrils hanging down. I had to ball up my fists to stop myself from raking my fingers through her tresses.

All of a sudden, Mia's shoulders tensed, and then she turned around to face me. She had been playing with her computer on the desk, so she hadn't noticed me before. I was rooted to the spot staring at her from the doorway.

"Hi Ethan. I really missed you," Mia said shyly, as she walked over and hugged me.

She smelled like strawberries and flowers, and her skin was so soft. I wanted to drown in Mia, but I couldn't fall. I just stood there. I didn't return the hug. I couldn't lead her on anymore if I wanted to put any type of distance between us. It was going to f*****g kill me, but I had to do it.

She must have noticed I wasn't hugging her back. After a while, she glanced up at me with confusion on her face. "Um, what's wrong, Ethan? Did I do something wrong? I just thought that after Wednesday…" she trailed off, unable to finish her sentence.

Let 'Operation Douchebag Ethan Sodero' begin.

"Ms. Watson, I don't know what you think happened Wednesday, but I'm your boss. Because you will be working for me, I expect you to remember that fact and act accordingly," I said in the best snobby voice I could conjure up.

“There has not been, and never will be, anything between us."

Mia started backing away from me; I could feel the anger coming off of her in waves. "You asshole! So that night meant nothing to you? You kissed me and told me you cared about me. You said the sweetest things to me. You asked me to trust you. Was that all a lie, Ethan?" She had tears in her eyes and was visibly shaking.

Fuck me. If I'm going to hell, I might as well earn my spot. "Of course it was a f*****g lie, Ms. Watson. Yes, I kissed you. I was horny and you're about the only b***h I haven't f****d around here. I thought, 'Hey, I might as well go for it.' You played perfectly into my hands writhing on me and s**t. Hell, you even cooked me dinner."

I was being an asshole and I knew it. I worked to keep my patent smirk on my face as I continued. "You know, your brother should have taught you that men will do and say anything to get into your pants. I knew I could have f****d you that night, Mia. After awhile I decided it would be too much work, so consider yourself off the hook. You'll just have to be the first b***h who works for me that I haven't f****d. Not that anyone can blame me. I mean look at you… You're a f*****g prude."

Talking to Mia like that was f*****g killing me, and I couldn't stand to see her cry. I knew it had to be done, but it was f*****g painful. She looked utterly devastated, but under the sadness I could see the disbelief and the anger, too.

"So all the compliments about me being beautiful were a lie?" she snarled.

I nodded my head yes to confirm.

Mia began pacing the room. She looked like an angry tigress ready to pounce. I was getting a f*****g hard-on looking at her tight little ass in that skirt. She was mumbling to herself about how she knew it was too good to be true and about what a fool she had been.

After about five minutes of pacing, she came back to stand in front of me. "I hate you, Ethan Sodero! The only person I hate more than you is the drunk driver who killed my mother. I was such an i***t thinking I was maybe in love with you, when it was only stupid lust I felt!"

She seemed to be in thought for a minute. Then she asked, "What about the note, Ethan? About making me yours? Was that part of your grand scheme too?"

"Of course it was, Ms. Watson. I was just leaving you with something in case I decided to come back on Thursday and f**k you. Thankfully, I found an experienced b***h to spend the night with, so I didn't need you. After getting my d**k wet and having a couple of orgasms with her, I came to my senses and realized f*****g you would be a waste of time. I've never had a virgin before, and I don't want to put in the time and effort. But hey, I'm sure there's some other fucker who can pop your cherry for you."

I'd like to see one try. I would kill the fucker first.

Mia was all out sobbing by then, and I just wanted to hold her. The hell with the charade. I couldn't do it, not if it was causing my baby doll so much pain. I was about to hold out my arms and go to her when she stopped me.

"You f*****g pathetic piece of s**t. I hate your guts, Ethan Anthony Sodero. I wish you to the farthest recesses of hell. You came over to my home. Ate dinner with me. Kissed and touched my body. Slept in my bed! Just to play some sort of sick game? Stay away from me! Don't ever touch me again! That night I even thought you might be an angel, and you are. You're Lucifer!"

“Don't worry, though. You taught me a valuable lesson. I won't ever misconstrue anything you say to me again. I will still work for you, because I promised. Also, I don't want you to hold Wyatt's job over my head ever again." Mia was glaring daggers at me as she delivered the rant.

"Wait, Mia. Let's not... I'm…" f**k. I couldn't get a coherent sentence out of my mouth.

She cut me off a wave of her hand. "Don't even try, Sodero. You've done enough damage to me. We will be professional to each other. Only speak to me if the topics are work related. Stay the hell away from me and my apartment at all other times. I don't ever want to have anything to do with you. I hope you have fun sleeping with all your whores. I hope you remember me when you're old and you die alone."

What the f**k had I just done?

I needed to apologize, but Mia wasn't even giving me a chance. My heart f*****g hurt and my lungs were so constricted I could barely breathe. My baby doll f*****g hated my guts. She'd given me permission to f**k other bitches. I knew I was the one who set out to ruin us, but deep down I’d thought we would at least stay friends. Looking at the hard set of her jaw and the glint of anger in her eyes, I knew Mia was never going to accept anything more. I had lost my only reason for living, and it was my own f*****g fault.

While I was standing there in a stupor, Mia stepped closer to me. She leaned in, and I idiotically thought maybe she was going to give me one last kiss. Then I felt white hot searing pain on my right cheek. Mia, my little tigress, had f*****g slapped the s**t out of me. She must have put her entire weight behind the slap,  because it f*****g hurt. Before I could recover and say anything, she slapped me again on the same cheek but harder. I could feel my face swelling up.

I reached up, intending to grab her wrists and stop her. She just kept hitting me. She was using her fists and babbling incoherently. I started to fear she might harm herself, so I put her body in a vice grip. Holding onto her only made my traitor d**k even harder.

She must have felt my erection because she stopped and looked up at me. My Mia was gone, and in her place was a woman scorned. "Mr. Sodero, I don't think that's appropriate for the workplace," she said palming my erection.

"Let me help you with that." Before I could think, my baby doll kneed me hard in the groin.

"What the f**k, Mia!" I wheezed out, dropping to the ground. "Are you trying to f*****g castrate me? I mean s**t that f*****g hurt!" The pain was making me dizzy, so I curled into the fetal position to protect myself in case she decided to kick me again. I looked up to try and see Mia's face which was twisted in a mask of pain.

She backed away and ran to the bathroom located outside of our office. I heard the door slamming behind her. I wanted to go to her, but I was in pain. She wouldn't have wanted to see me anyway.