Moth to Flame

CHAPTER 5.1

Ethan

I sat on the floor trying to compose myself. f**k, fuckity, f**k! I hadn't expected that from Mia. She was a damn formidable fighter. She was so damn small, but she had managed to kick my ass. Not that I ever tried to defend myself. I didn't hit women, and I'd never hit Mia. I had taken it like a man, but that s**t still hurt.

Finally, I was able to get my ass off the floor and limp back to my office. I closed the door and went into my private apartment to access the damage. I had a bruise forming on my face and my lip was busted. One of my eyes was turning purple and I had a large scratch mark on my neck. I felt the other bruises that would be forming on my body later. Although I was hurting like a son of a b***h, I found myself smiling. My f*****g baby doll could really defend herself. Wyatt had clearly taught her well.

My smile faded when I thought about how the rest of the night was going to go. I was going to try and apologize again and hoped Mia didn't f*****g kill my ass. Almost twenty minutes later, I left my lair and returned to the office. I heard some shuffling around in the front, so I assumed Mia had composed herself enough to come back.

I reigned in my emotions and went out front to speak to her. She was sitting in her specially designed desk chair and typing something on the computer. I saw folders and binders set up on the table near her desk. I knew she was busy working on the filing system. She looked up when I entered, and her eyes were bloodshot. The sight went straight to my heart. I winced.

What the f**k had I done?

"Mr. Sodero. I apologize for my previous actions. Even though you are an evil, lying bastard, and I don't think you deserve an apology. But I'll give you one anyway. I don't condone violence. I'm sorry for any injuries I caused you." She looked so damn hostile. If I had thought she would let me, I would have tried to hug her.

"There's no need to apologize, Ms. Watson. I was an asshole. I’m sorry, too. Is there anything you need? Do you want me to show you where everything is?" I asked, hoping she would throw my sorry ass a scrap.

"No, Mr. Sodero. I'm fine. There's no need for you to stay out here. I will come to your office if I need you," Mia replied while looking down at her keyboard. Great, she couldn't even bear the sight of me anymore.

"You know, I'd like it if we could go back to Mia and Ethan. Mr. Sodero and Ms. Watson sound too formal," I said conjuring up my best charming smile. It probably looked more like a grimace because of how f*****g miserable I felt.

"No, that's okay. I prefer we keep it professional. Besides, it's not like we're friends or anything. You're just my boss, and some guy who almost f****d me," Mia said nonchalantly.

I hated the f*****g indifference in her voice. I hated the crass word she had used. I hated that she wouldn't look at me. I would never have f****d you Mia. We would have made love. As if I weren't already feeling low enough.

I felt tears brimming at the corner of my eyes. "That's f*****g fine with me, Ms. Watson. Let me know if you need help with anything." With that I stomped into my office shutting the door behind me.

What the f**k is wrong with me? I never cry.

My doctor had put me on antidepressants after my father died, and I had taken that s**t for years. I never felt anything, but the words coming out of my Mia's mouth had f*****g killed me. A part of my soul died knowing she hated me so much. Hell, she’d said she hated me as much as the man whom had killed her mother. That s**t had really burned. The worst part was that she had sounded like she meant it.

I went over to my bar and grabbed a bottle of cognac. I didn't even bother with a glass. I would drink it straight out the f*****g bottle. s**t, my life was f****d up. My brain might as well join in the fun.

When I was halfway through the bottle, I decided I might as well try to do some work. I opened my email and read the new messages. Most were from assholes wanting something or inviting me somewhere. There was one from Mia, but it was just an expense report she’d typed up. I replied and turned off my computer. I was too drunk to f*****g concentrate. My baby doll was just a door away, but our s**t was hard enough for her. I spared her the sight of my pathetic ass.

I sat brooding and watching the moths play with their light for a long time. Later, I heard a knock on my door. "Come in." I said knowing it was Mia.

"Mr. Sodero, I just wanted to let you know that it's time for my break. I'll be down on the fourth floor with Wyatt. Text me if you need me." She didn't wait for a reply before she turned and walked out.

I had thought maybe she would want to go around the corner and get a snack or some coffee with me, but I knew it was a long shot. I had also planned to take her for a drive in the Phantom. Although, that would never happen.

Getting up from my desk, I put my keys and phone in my pocket and went to circulate around the club. The patrons always got a kick out of seeing me down there, and the bitches usually went crazy trying to get me to notice them. The only woman I wanted to notice me wasn't even f*****g making eye contact with me, though.

I stopped in on the seventh floor first. The strip club was packed, because there had been some college football game. A lot of the guys had come to HADES afterward. All of the dancers seemed to be happy and making good tips. I engaged in a bit of small talk before heading downstairs.

Next, I went to the fourth floor to check on Wyatt and see Mia. Even if she didn't want to talk to me, I had to catch a glimpse of her. I stayed hidden in the shadows outside his door and peeked into the office window. I saw Mia unwrapping a dish of what appeared to be steak and some other sides. I would f*****g kill for what Wyatt was eating. Mia looked happy that Wyatt was enjoying her food. She began munching on a piece of pie while they talked. I just stood there watching her for a few minutes. Then, I left.

From there, I went to the sixth floor. There were some soap opera actors being led into the VIP area. Chanel was on the floor, and everything looked like it was going well. I nodded to her, and she nodded back to let me know everything was okay.

I was feeling f*****g restless again, so I took the elevator back to the fourth floor hoping to see Mia again. When I got to Wyatt's office, I looked inside. I could only see Abigail and Wyatt sitting down.

Where is my baby doll?

And oh yeah, I still had to kick the fucker's ass about Abigail. She and Wyatt had come back from Chicago all lovey dovey and s**t. What was he pulling? A sister for a sister, tit for tat? Abigail had already confessed to me that she loved Wyatt. I was happy if she was happy. But f**k, did it have to be Mia's brother she had fallen for?

I knocked on the office door and heard a muffled, "Come in," before turning the knob.

"Ethan!" My tiny sister yelled while throwing herself at me. I caught her in the hug, and she squeezed me with all her strength. "I was wondering if you would get your lazy ass down here to see me tonight. What the hell happened to your face?" she asked after she noticed me.

"My face is fine. I got beat up play boxing with Luca. You know I would come see my princess."

"Well, tell Luca not to be so rough on your beautiful mug next time. You look horrible." Abigail had always been blunt as f**k.

"Yeah man, you don't look so good. You should probably put some ice on that eye. By the way, I just saw Mimi. She said everything's going fine upstairs. We're all good down here. Was there anything you needed from me?" Wyatt asked, never once taking his eyes off my sister.

The fucker obviously did love Abigail. It was so unfair how they could be together, would probably marry and have children, and I would die alone. Life wasn't f*****g right. I asked Wyatt where Mia was, and he told me she had gone with Frank outside to get some fresh air. I said goodbye to Abigail and Wyatt and left to get Mia.

When I got outside, I spotted her immediately or better yet, I felt her. Her body was like a honing beacon to me. She was wearing a black leather coat, but it was f*****g cold out there.

She wasn't with Frank. Instead, she was with some guy with dark hair. He was taller than Mia but shorter than me. He looked to be around her age, and his blue eyes were shining while he looked at my Mia. She was laughing and kind of leaning into his body.

I was going to kill this motherfucker. Who is this prick? Had Mia moved on and forgotten me so quickly. f**k, when had I started thinking like such a p***y-whipped b***h? I was going to have to rethink my opinions of Jeff, Ian, and Wyatt if that s**t kept up.

By then, lover boy had worked up the nerve to put his arm around my baby doll. I saw f*****g red. I didn't stop to think. I just ran over and roughly removed his arm from Mia's shoulder. I shoved him hard into the pavement.

"What the f**k?" he asked, wincing in pain. I saw Mia turn around and gape at me like I had lost my mind.

She bent over the fucker and helped him up. I heard her ask him if he was okay. So she was comforting him and ignoring me. What the f**k?

After she was sure lover boy was okay, she acknowledged me. "Christ, Sodero. Why did you push Trevor like that?"

So Trevor was this fucker's name. Was he an old boyfriend? Obviously he hadn't been man enough to f**k her since she was still a virgin. If looks could kill, Trevor had committed first degree murder. Mia held her arm protectively around his waist supporting his weight. I wanted to knock him down again, but I resisted because it would only make her angrier.

"You know this asshole, Mia?" Trevor asked still throwing death glares at me.

"Unfortunately, yes. This is Mr. Sodero, my boss and the owner of the club. Apparently, he has the manners of a caveman. Allow me to apologize for his behavior." Mia's beautiful eyes were bright with anger, and she was almost shaking.

The sight of the two of them together was too much for me. "I do have f*****g manners. I just saw some creep with his arm around you, and I thought you needed my help." I was trying to pacify Mia, but it didn't seem to be working.

"Trevor is not a creep. He and I went to high school together. He's in the Army. He's on leave for the weekend and looked me up. He decided to come visit me here at the club. I wasn't aware I needed your permission to see my friends, Mr. Sodero," Mia said in a condescending voice.

"You don't. I'm sorry, Ms. Watson. Continue reminiscing and I'll see you upstairs after your break." With that I turned and got the f**k out of there. I couldn't stand to see the asshole touch my Mia. If I stayed, I was going to kill him.

I found Frank not far away from Mia. I told him to keep an eye on her and bring her up when she was ready. Then I went back up to the eighth floor and stood out on the balcony to smoke a cigar. The liquor I’d consumed earlier had already worn off. I needed something harder. I thought about calling Luca for some drugs but decided I didn't want to be high while I was alone with Mia. Besides, I might end up doing something stupid and hurt her again.

When it got too f*****g cold on the balcony, I went inside and cranked away on some work I had to get done. The gun shipment was going well. There hadn't been any interference from the Feds; not that I expected there would have been. The Russo Clan was known for its meticulous planning and ability to go unnoticed.

Mia came in about thirty minutes later. I hadn't bothered to close the door, so I could see her perfectly. Her beautiful face was flushed, and she had a small smile on her lips. So that fucker had made her smile? Just another thing I couldn't do for her. The thought of Mia and Trevor together made me nauseous.

A little while later, Mia appeared at my door. She was carrying a tray which held a plate of food. There was New York Strip steak with blue cheese, steak fries, and a couple of buttery dinner rolls. There was also a smaller bowl with what looked like Caesar salad. Mia set the tray down on my desk and turned to walk out.

"As much as I hate you right now, I can't stand to see anyone starve. I noticed you had not eaten tonight. Plus I made this for you, and it would be a pity for it to go to waste. There's apple crisp and ice cream in the kitchenette. You are welcome to help yourself after you finish," Mia said before she closed the door.

Well f**k me. My baby doll still fed me dinner even though I had been an ass and didn't deserve it. Maybe it meant she would forgive me one day and let my sorry ass apologize. Yeah, like that would ever happen.

Mia was just taking pity on me, but I wasn't the fucker who would look a gift horse in the mouth. I ate with relish. The meal was f*****g awesome. I was going to ask Mia to cook for me every night. I would pay her extra. She could use my secret apartment's kitchen, because Lord knows I never used it.

For the first time since Wednesday, I actually felt semi-good. Once the food was gone, I got up to take the tray back out to the kitchenette. While there, I planned to get some desert and thank Mia.

"Baby doll, thank you so much for making me dinner. It was f*****g awesome, and I appreciate it."

I was just about to ask her about the apartment and cooking for me every night when she went off. "Don't you dare call me baby doll, Mr. Sodero! There's no need to suck up to me now since we both know I won't be sleeping with you. Save your fake charm for one of your other women, because it won't work on me."

"Mia, I'm sorry." I said, stunned that she thought I was just patronizing her.

"Don't, Mr. Sodero. Jst don't," she whispered. "Let's just keep our working relationship as professional as possible."

I was angry, so I stormed off to the kitchenette before I said something I would regret later. Only Mia could get to me that way. No one had ever made me feel so many emotions. I wanted to scream at her. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to love her. s**t, that can't be right. I didn't know how to love. Something in my soul told me Mia could teach me the emotion.

I put some pie into a bowl and scooped out ice cream. Mia had already heated the pie in the air fryer, so it was nice and warm. Her apple crisp was the best f*****g dessert I'd eaten since the cookies she’d made for me. I had a feeling I would like anything my baby doll cooked; that was if she ever cooked for me again after the way I'd acted tonight. I sat at the small table and ate while I thought about Mia.

After I finished, I returned to see my baby doll on the other side of the room looking out the window. She was standing still. She appeared to be in deep thought.

"Mia," I said, trying to get her attention. She turned around slowly. I could see tears in her eyes.

"Sorry, Mr. Sodero. I was just stretching my legs." She was sniffling and trying to hide her tears. "I'll get back to work now."

"Mia, I…" I didn't know what to say. I felt so disgusted with myself. I’d hurt my baby doll.

"It's okay. I'm fine. Please go on about your business and leave me alone," Mia whispered.

I returned to my office shutting the door. I put my tablet in the Bose speaker system and let the sounds of Bach drown out my troubled heart. I must have dozed off. When I woke up, the clock said it was one in the morning. I only had about an hour left with Mia. I was just about to go try and talk to her again when I heard a knock on my door. Thinking it was Mia, I told the person to come in.

It was not Mia. It was f*****g Paula, one of the club's strippers. Her stripper name was Holla since it rhymed with Paula, obviously not the brightest mind. Unfortunately, I’d made the mistake of once f*****g the b***h. She’d barely shut up long enough for me to finish. Since then, she had kept throwing herself at me. I’d tried to push her off to Luca, but even he didn't want her. As far as I knew Frank didn't f**k with the club bitches, so I didn't have anyone else to pawn her off on.

"Hey, baby. I haven't seen you in a while. Miss me?" Paula cooed, looking at my crotch. I swear the b***h only thought about c**k.

"No, Paula. I did not miss you, because you were never gone. You constantly harass me by texting and emailing me s**t. I don't want any more nude pictures of you. Hell, you're a goddamned stripper! Everyone has seen it. Get over yourself," I said trying to get rid of Paula as quick as possible.

She couldn't take the hint, so she walked over and sat on my lap. Of course I was still hard for Mia, but Paula thought Mr. Happy was all for her.

"Ooh, baby... You do want me," she purred, getting down on her knees and attempting to unbutton my pants.

"Paula, get the…" I trailed off realizing the door was still partially open.

There in the doorway stood Mia with a folder in her hands. She looked at me with my fly open and Paula on her knees. Mia made a small gasp, dropped the folders on the small table, and left closing the door behind her. She must have been in the bathroom or something and hadn't seen Paula come in to my office.

"What's her problem, Ethan? I know you didn't f**k her, did you? She doesn't look like she'd be any good at it," Paula said smiling.

If she had been a man, I would have beaten her ass. Since she was a female, and one of my working girls, I decided to let a woman handle her. I pushed her off of me and used my phone to text Chanel. I then marched Paula past Mia and out to the elevator. I told her to go see Chanel immediately. I also warned her ass not to ever come to my f*****g office or say anything about Mia again. She pouted. When she saw how serious I was, she sobered up and mumbled an apology.

When I got back to the office area, I went over to Mia to apologize. "Mia, I'm sorry. It, uh, wasn't what it looked like. I didn't do anything with her. She came on to me. I'm really f*****g sorry you had to walk in on it. I assure you it won't happen again."

Mia just shrugged. "It's none of my business anyway, Mr. Sodero. I just ask that you please close the door and put a do not disturb sign out the next time it happens. I would really appreciate it."

Did she f*****g think I would be banging whores right in the office with her outside the door? I had been such an asshole to her that she had no reason to think anything else, though. I didn't know what else to say, so I just went back to my office.

For the remainder of the night, I drank cognac and observed the moths. They just kept circling the damn sconce over and over again, like it was some kind of god to be worshiped. I was just as f*****g pathetic as they were by practically stalking Mia.

Eventually, it was two in the morning. Mia's shift was ending. She came in to tell me she was leaving and would see me at work tomorrow. I told her the laptop was for work, and she could take it home. She thanked me and put it inside one of the bags she had brought with her.

I offered to drive her home. Of ourse she refused by saying she would ride with Wyatt as usual. We bid each other a formal goodbye. Just like that my sunshine was gone. My reprieve was over. My personal hell had beckoned me home for another night without my Mia. I decided I didn't want to go home to my lonely penthouse.

Thankfully, Mia had left the apple crisp and ice cream. I took it and my bottle of liquor and headed into my lair. It was dark, but I didn't bother turning any lights on. I just sat down on the bed and ate my desert.

When I was done, I grabbed the bottle of cognac and followed my demons down where the broken hearts stay. Being without my one true love had completely torn my heart into pieces. With thoughts of Mia on my mind and apple crisp crumbs on my bed sheets, I blacked out into oblivion. At least for tonight if not eternity.