Confessions of a hopeless romantic

Leah's POV: There's this feeling about family - the way they can make you laugh, cry, and feel seen all at once. The way they know your insecurities and love you unconditionally. The way they are always by your side, no matter where life takes you. In their arms, you find love ,support and life itself. From birthdays , Christmas celebrations, game nights that I absolutely try to avoid but still have to participate in, not to mention mom's once a month but terrible cooking we all pretend to like. But... I'm afraid I can't have all this, knowing my family is falling apart right in my presence. The splits are crumbling, and I'm unable to do anything about it The fear of losing this - losing us - is breaking my heart into a million pieces. ___ "Dad!" I yell, trying to stop him from throwing out Mom's suitcases. I grab his arm, but he shakes it off, throwing the suitcases out the front door. The loud thud making Emily block her ears. "This has nothing to do with you, Leah," he mutters, his voice soft. "This is between your mother and I”. I glance over at Mom, she is wearing an impenitent expression on her face, which I can't elucidate. Her attention is on Emily, who has her hands wrapped around her waist; Mom's dress damp from her tears. I had accidentally overheard Mom and Dad arguing yesterday and had tiptoed to their bedroom door to eavesdrop on their conversation only to hear dad reprimanding mom like she was a child. To be honest, she acts like one even when she's f*****g forty-three . I was in utter disbelief when I heard about Mom having an affair with her high school sweetheart. But what was even more shocking was when she revealed she was pregnant with his baby and she was planning on keeping it. Feeling suffocated I ran up to my room in tears, attempting to disregard all I heard but the conversations kept replaying. How long has this been going on?What is mom's next plan? What will happen to my family? All those questions lingered in my head all night. I am fully aware that it wouldn’t have been the first time she had tried something utterly disgusting. Most times she comes home late at night and sometimes, she doesn't at all, always giving excuses. Dad's love for her was unwavering— or was it foolishness?How could he cover up for her all these years? How could he let her stay regardless of what she did to him— to us. Gawd!! I’ve always tried to turn a blind eye to her recklessness, but I know everything and it is exhausting. Yesterday, Dad seemed calm. What has triggered this side of him? Maybe her so-called lover called or even came over. The thought of that infuriates me. How could she do something so selfish and f*****g stupid? Didn't she think of what this could do to this family, to Emily and me? Regardless of my urge to hate her, I can't. For Emily's sake, for Dad's sake, I know he loves her—I can see it all in his eyes even when he is trying to disguise the love with anger. She gently pulls Emily from the hug, giving her a peck on the cheek. Then, she wipes away her tears and whispers something in her ear. Emily, still sobbing, smiles and looks up at Mom, who nods reassuringly. She moves past Emily and comes to me, wrapping her arms around me to give me a hug. But as her hands wrap around me, I feel my head spin. Against my will, I push her away taking a step away from her. She stumbles backward, taken aback by my denial. "Dad, why are you doing this?" Emily cries out. "Just stop!" She stomps her feet on the floor. “I hate you!”,Emily screams at him. "You can't f*****g kick her out. If you're gonna kick her out, throw me out too." Dad squats as he comes face to face with Emily. "Your mother has made it clear where her priorities lie," Dad says, his voice cracking up, "and it's certainly not with us." I feel tears pricking at the sides of my eyes. Then I turn and run back into the house, which is no longer a home. **** It's been a whole three months since my parents' divorce and I'm still so f****d up. Trying to focus on schoolwork and being a good sister to Emily is hard, impossible even.Assuring myself that everything would be fine when I already know the truth. My phone buzzes by my side, I don't even have to look at it, I know who is calling: mom. Since she left, she has tried reaching out to me several times but I'm not ready to talk to her yet __if I ever will be. To me she is better off dead . Knowing what she did , it's hard to comprehend how she could ever cheat on dad, the one person I believe is genuinely good in this whole dirt of a world. I let this call go to voicemail just like the others and I feel no guilt about it. She doesn't deserve a second chance, at least not yet. Most times I keep spacing out even in classes, it’s been really hard to concentrate these days. Em has been a sobbing mess lately and it's heartbreaking to see her like this. Whenever I try talking to her, all I get are brief, curt responses. I feel like she's holding me responsible for everything and it's tearing me apart. While Dad on the other hand has become so preoccupied by his work leaving little to no time for us , he tripled I and Emily's allowances and offered his credit card for other things we might need . I sense he's trying to make up for his absence but I doubt worldly overtures can replace the bond we yearn. And yes, I've spaced out again ,but I'm brought back by the sudden noise of two people being unreasonably intimate—in the library. "I want to kiss and taste every inch of you. I'm gonna make you right here and right now." I cringe on hearing those words from a couple across the library table .But this time it is the girl speaking . Great, just what I need __a live podcast of a couple's intimate discussions . What the hell! I almost scream . Of all places — the library was what has come to mind for a make out session for these horny teenagers? Like I am not a teenager myself. The reading table is divided into partitions, and they are at the other side of the table so I can't see who it is . I have been in the library for the past 20 minutes, trying to study, but i am not able to catch a thing because I keep spacing out and now this? This couple exchanged cheesy and dirty talks. This is the final straw, I have to give them a piece of my mind. I push my chair backwards as I rise up from the seat ready to confront them, I lean a bit into the desk making sure they see me. "What the hell is wrong with you motherfucking assholes!" I whisper_yell . I freeze right in my tracks when I see who it is—ALICIA!The most popular girl at Lincoln high, the one person who can make my life a living nightmare. At this moment I wish I didn't say anything ,but the deed has already been done. She is sitting face front on a boy’s thighs, unmistakably the school's basketball captain, kissing and smooching roughly ,her hands wrapped around his neck ,his hands on her butt squeezing tightly. They startle, both panting and straightening themselves as Alicia got off his body. Her expression of confusion before locking eyes with me. "What did you just say, you b***h?” she scowls, shooting me a deadly glare , "Repeat what you just said and I'ma fuckin cut your tongue out and feed it back to you" she launches at me and I slightly move backwards a bit causing the hood of my hoodie to fall back revealing my messy curls which fell all over my face. Meanwhile her boyfriend grasps her arms ,holding her back to her seat and at the same time struggling to keep his hold on her. Three months ago I would apologize and hide my face in shame. But, not right now, I need to speak up and to be heard. "Well, nobody wants to listen to all your shitty talks, it's irritating and frankly disturbing." I wagged my index finger at them ," don't you know you're irritating innocent bystanders”. I add, trying not to sound nervous "Some of us are actually here to study ,not to listen to some gross dirty convo you two were just having, but we've been forced to listen to your shits,you should be ashamed". Her lips part and she clenches her fist,” Well I'm surprised a loser cunt like you is talking back at me. Do you not know who I am?" She laughs mischievously. I give her a condescending chuckle in response, amused by her audacity. Now listen you stuck up_ “All ears!”, I shoot sharply, cutting her short while meeting her glare. Firstly I don't know who you are and I don't bloody care," I lie. "Secondly I am not so sure if you know what a cunt really means but if you do wanna know,you should look in a mirror." Someone “ooooo” in the crowd that is somehow beginning to gather. Suddenly,I sense somebody's gaze on me and I shift my gaze to the football captain, our eyes locking in a tense stare. He is sitting low on his seat with his arms crossed over his chest, wearing an expression—that of amusement. My curls fall on my face, interrupting the intense stare. I am taken aback when I feel a hand push me causing me to stumble backwards into my seat. I didn't realize Alicia had gotten up from her seat.Just then, the football captain grasps Alicia by her arm pulling her backwards with a vigorous force. Alicia and I pause, our eyes locking onto the captain,but his gaze is fixed on me... “What was that dude?”She asks . She glares at him, her eyes locking into his. Their height difference is distinctive; he towers over her. I hadn't noticed that because he was sitting all this while. I have seen him around school so many times - he isn't so hard to miss, but I didn't pay much attention to him, because I probably didn't care. “I didn't want you getting into a fight, people are starting to stare”,he replied with his deep voice demanding attention,the last part coming out as a whisper. Her gaze turns to me with a death glare expression.”You know you're a complete asshole right? -You probably should never let me see you again.” I chuckle, amused by her audacity . “How huge is the stick up your ass?” I shoot back almost immediately.My voice echoes, a hush follows and then giggles. Alicia's lips parts ready to shoot back but I cut her off. "Ah ah , not another word or else I'm gonna rat you out to the librarian”. I give them a last scowl as I spun around ,gathering my books and headphones making my way to the door. “What a b***h!" she curses after me. “Show is over bitches!" she yells at the crowd. The murmurs fading to silence as everyone resumes what they had been distracted from. Despite my courageous appearance , I can feel a shiver run through my spine afraid of what was coming to me— I let my anger and family issues bring out this side of me. The side of me that is undeniably courageous. I have never been more proud, I just stood up to Alicia— the most popular girl in Lincoln high. I would be ready for whatever she’d be throwing my way. With a smile slowly creeping onto my face I hasten my footsteps.