My AI Romance

Episode 12

Getting Closer

The moment Nikkolas told me that he wants to apply as my boyfriend, the more he gets closer to me.

As times passed by, mas lalo akong natatakot sa mga ipinapakita n'ya sa akin. I really appreciate how he cares for me but that will never change the fact that our world is far different from one another.

I already made a realization, the reason why I'm crying the whole night. Alam kong masasaktan ulit ako sa oras na magbago or mawala s'ya sa akin.

I should stop him before I totally get attached on him. He's the only person that caused me to feel this way. I hate to admit it but yes, pakiramdam ko ngayon mas lalo ko s'yang nagugustuhan. Mas lalo ko s'yang minamahal kahit na hindi naman dapat.

While I'm heading my way to our room, I saw him walking behind me. Nang nagtama ang paningin namin ay mabilis akong nag iwas ng tingin. Binilisan ko na lang ang paglalakad at halos naging takbo na ito dahil sa pagmamadali ko.

When I'm already sitting in my respective area, hindi na ako nag angat pa ng tingin. It is easy for me to know whether he's already here or not dahil mararamdaman mo naman iyon depende sa ingay ng mga kaklase kong babae sa paligid.

"Will you go to Charleston again later?" he asked. Umiling naman ako bilang sagot. I looked around and there I saw different pairs of eyes looking at us.

"I will go home early," sagot ko. That answer was not a lie dahil totoong uuwi ako ng maaga mamaya. He was about to asked me more but it didn't happened because our teacher arrived.

I thought I will be able to get over him this day but I was wrong. He occupied the vacant seat beside me. My watch glows purple again. I wonder kung may ibig sabihin ba talaga ang relong ito dahil sa tuwing magkasama kami ay iisang kulay lang naman ang lumalabas.

I was busy listening and taking down notes to the one infront ng may magpatong ng maliit na papel sa desk ko.

Do you have any work to do? I'll help you.

I look at the man beside me bago ako pumunit ng maliit na papel at nagsulat.

Your efforts for me are enough, Nikkolas. Thank you.

Hindi ko tuloy magawang makapagfocus sa topic namin ngayon dahil sa mga sinasabi n'ya. There's only a little space between us and I wonder kung naririnig n'ya ba kung gaano kalakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko ngayon.

Is it okay if I'll send you home later?

Shit, Nikkolas. Ano bang sinasabi mo?

No thanks.

After giving him the piece of paper, I excused myself that I'll just go at the wash room. Kaunting minuto na lang din naman at time na. I just can't handle my emotions anymore lalo na't kung ano ano pang sinasabi niya sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit naging ganito. Gulong g**o na ang buong sistema ko.

During our lunch break, Primo texted me if we can see each other and that's a good thing para hindi ako makita ni Nikkolas. I requested Primo to drive me outside the campus at doon na lang kumain. Mas hassle kasi kung pupunta pa kami ng cafeteria. Baka makita ko s'ya doon.

"Are you avoiding someone?" puna niya ng mapansin n'yang kanina pa ako lingon ng lingon.

"Wala!"

Natawa naman siya sa naging sagot ko.

"Not a good liar. You're too obvious," dagdag pa n'ya na pinili ko na lang na hindi sagutin. Nagpatuloy na lang ako sa pagkain.

"Mom wants to see you again. I'll fetch you home tomorrow," I nodded after he said those. We're eating now here in KFC since it's the nearest fastfood chain from our university.

Bigla kong nabasa yung palitan ng text namin kagabi habang nagchecheck ako ng phone ko. I told him that I want to meet Stella pero hindi n'ya naman siya sinama.

"You can see each other tommorow. I often tell her about you and it's a good thing that you felt the same way," he said.

Looking at him now, masaya ako na maayos s'ya ngayon. I didn't see him hanging out with other girls like what he usually does.

"What about you? Is that Nikkolas Baker courting you?"

Napailing na lang ako dahil sa tuwing binabanggit n'ya ang pangalan ni Nikkolas ay mali mali lagi ang apelyido nito.

"It's Parker, Primo," he laughed after I corrected him.

"So what about him? Do you like him already?" I was stucked looking at my food because of his question. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako makasagot agad.

"You never told me even once if you like someone. I guess, you're not really ready for it," tipid akong napangiti ng sinabi n'ya iyon. I just continue eating. I know I shouldn't keep this to Primo pero hanggang ngayon hindi pa din talaga ako handang sabihin sa kanya lahat ng nalalaman ko.

"I'll also accompany you to have a check up tomorrow. Did you have any improvement?" tanong muli n'ya.

Sad to say, mas lalo lang atang lumalala yung kondisyon ko. I can recall what happened the last day if I saw some familiar scenes or people pero ngayon, wala na talaga akong matandaan. I will just woke up the next day with nothing on my mind. Everything was erased at matatandaan ko lang yung mga nangyari kung magbabasa ako ng mga memories na isinulat ko.

"These past few days, madalas din akong nananaginip. Something about being trapped in a dark place. I was asking for help and I wonder if it has something to do about my past. Kung bakit ako nakakalimot at kung bakit ni isang ala ala ay wala man lang akong matandaan mula sa nakaraan ko. I've been bothered by that thought. I really want to remember it pero hindi ko magawa," I explained. Hindi ko magawang maipaliwanag sa kanya iyon ng maayos dahil maski ako ay naguguluhan pa din sa mga nangyayari.

"You also told me that scenario when we're still in sixth grade year. Maybe something really happened but for now, I want you to relax your mind. Baka kapag mas lalo mong pinwersa ang sarili mong makaalala, mas lalo ka lang makalimot," he worriedly adviced. Tumango naman ako sa sinabi n'ya. Primo is right. Maybe that scene was just part of my dark past at mas mabuti nga sigurong sa ngayon ay huwag ko muna 'yong bigyan ng pansin.

After my lunch with him, I proceeded to my next class. There were no silhouettes of Nikkolas here. Akala ko ay wala s'ya dito pero maya maya ay dumating din ito. He sat beside me again. I didn't took a glance at him even at once pero nakikita ko sa peripheral vision kong nakatingin s'ya sa akin.

"Have you eaten your lunch already?" he asked. Tumango ako bilang sagot habang nagkukunwaring nagbabasa ng libro.

"Let's go home together later," aniya pero hindi ko na lang ito pinansin pa. I exchanged my seat to Wella at mabuti naman pumayag ito ng walang pag aalinlangan.

The whole time our teacher is discussing something infront, hindi ko maiwasang makunsensya. The only thing that Nikkolas showed me was kindness pero hindi ko s'ya pinapansin ngayon.

This isn't consider as selfishness right? I just want to save myself dahil hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko once na tuluyang mahulog na yung loob ko sa kanya.

Pagkatapos ng aming klase, mabilis kong niligpit yung mga gamit ko. Nilibot ko ang tingin ko sa paligid at nakahinga ako ng maluwag kasi wala na ngayon si Nikkolas.

To my surprised, napahawak ako sa dibdib ko ng makita ko s'yang naghihintay sa labas. Mabilis kong binawi yung tingin ko sa kanya at umakto na parang walang nakita.

The moment I made a step, naramdaman kong may humawak sa braso ko. Napabalik ako sa posisyon ko kanina at bumangga yung ulo ko sa dibdib n'ya. It was late for me to realize that we're too close from one another kaya't kaagad akong napalayo.

"N-Nikkolas." I mouthed while trying to catch my breath.

"Why are you avoiding me?" he asked that's why I force myself to think of a reason quickly.

"M-marami pa k-kasi akong gagawin." I lied.

"Then tell me so I can help you."

Bakit ba ang kulit n'ya?

"There are o-other people who need y-your help more that I am, Nikkolas. Sila na lang y-yung tulungan mo," I suggested.

Mabilis akong tumalikod sa kanya dahil pakiramdam ko hindi ko na s'ya kaya pang harapin. Before I could make a single step, it is clear into my ears the complete words he said.

"Why are you pushing me away? I just want to be with you...not with anyone else."