Kismet

Chapter 8

Davon

It's been over two weeks since I seen Cami last and it's killing me. I mean yea we text every so often but I miss seeing her. I miss seeing her beautiful smile and being able kiss her. I know she is busy getting the help she needs and I fully understand that but still I wish I could see her face.

I am sitting in my office at work bored. I don't currently have any pressing issue that requires my attention so I'm just sitting here doing nothing. I have a meeting next week that I should be planning for but I've been putting it off. I am about to get up to go get something to eat when I hear a knock on the door.

"Yea" I say. As the door opens Marcus walks in.

"Hey man I'm going to Ray's tonight after work to see Luci wanna come" Marcus ask.

"You know how bad I would love to go and see Cami but she asked me not to try and see her till she's ready" I say.

"Oh s**t man I forgot. I'm sorry I brought it up" he says as he takes a seat across form my desk.

"Trust me though I've thought about sneaking into Ray's and hiding in the back just to be able to see her" I say with a sadness to my voice "but I want her to know she can trust me to do what she ask. So I don't want to take the chance and get caught. I worry that might push her away and she'll never give us another chance"

"I understand man" he way his eyes full of pity "if you want I'll ask Luci how she's doing"

"I would appreciate that. Thank you" I tell him.

He gets up and leaves my office. I pull out my phone to see if there are any messages from Cami and feel disappointed when I see they're aren't any. I decide to go to the diner Cami took me to for lunch. I've gotten quite addicted to the food there.

When I walk in the diner I see Martha is working behind the counter. I walk up and take a seat. When she turns around and sees me she gives a warm smile.

"Hey long time no see" she says with a smile on her face.

"Yea I haven't been by because I didn't want to take the chance of running into Cami" I tell her.

"Now why would you be trying to avoid Cami" she asked a bit confused.

"Well there was a problem at my place the other night and she asked me to give her some space so I'm trying to respect that" I tell her. I didn't want to go into too much detail as I wasn't sure how much Cami had told her.

"Yea Luci told me about it when I called to check on Cami" she says sadly "I was worried because that girl has come in here for lunch almost everyday since her parents passed away. This is kinda her safe haven. It's where she comes to be close to them."

"Oh has she been in already today" I ask " I just don't want to catch her off guard if she comes in and I'm here. I wouldn't want her to feel she has to leave"

"Yes she came by already and left maybe ten minutes before you showed up" she says smiling at me. "You really care about her alot huh?"

"Yea I do" I tell her honestly "I only want her to be happy and to feel safe. So if that means I have to go without seeing her I will. I mean it's killing me and I miss her like crazy but it's what she needs"

"She misses you too" she says with a grin.

"What? She does? Really? How do you know?" I ask her quickly not even giving her a chance to answer.

She starts laughing at me but in a sweet way "Yea you definitely got it bad" she says as her laughter dies down "She's the same way. Almost every time she's here she talks about you"

"Well what does she say" I ask with a grin on my face that just won't go away.

"No no no I'm not telling you that" she has a sly grin on her face "you're just gonna have to ask her yourself but I promise you that girl has fallen for you just as much as you have fallen for her. I know I don't have to give you the 'you better treat or right or else' speech because I can see in your eyes how much you care for her"

After we talk a bit more she takes my order and leaves me to my thoughts. After I am done eating I get up and head the the restroom. As I am coming around the corner to head back to my seat and collect my things I stop dead in my tracks.

Looking at the counter I see Cami talking with Martha. I can't really hear what they are saying but I can see that Cami is smiling. I know it's weird but I just stand there watching her. She is even more beautiful than the last time I saw her if that is even possible. She is smiling so much and laughing too.

Oh I wish I was close enough to hear her laughter I miss the sound of it. I am so distracted by her I don't notice at first when she goes to turn to leave. I jump back behind the wall not wanting her to see me. I know it's weird but I promised not to try and see her till she's ready. When she leaves out the door I head over to collect my things and pay my bill. As I head out to the parking lot she is all I can think about.

Camila

I am sitting at home finishing up an assignment for one of my classes when I realize I forgot my phone at the diner. As I pull into the parking lot I see a car that looks exactly like Davon's and my heart hurts a little. I miss him so much but I just don't think I'm ready to see him yet.

It's only been a week since I started seeing a therapist and it has helped so much. She was able to get me to fully realize that nothing I did caused Jason to hurt me. That he was just a bad person to begin with and that there's was nothing I could have done to change that. She helped me through the pain I still felt about my parents passing and made me realize I never really dealt with it.

I haven't talked to her about the r**e yet but that's because I'm still too ashamed to admit that to anyone. I know I know I won't be able to move past it till I do talk about it I'm just not there yet. I will be one day just not yet.

I walk in to the diner and see Martha behind the counter. "Hey Martha" I say walking up to the counter.

"Well hey sweetie" she says with a smile "this is a surprise two times in one day"

"Yea I forgot my phone earlier when I was here" I say laughing a little.

"I know I have it in the office" she says as she walks away to go get it. "I saw it right after you left and then of course me being me I tried calling you to let you know"

"How were you gonna call me when my phone was here" I ask laughing so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes.

"Well I realized that when your phone started ringing in my hand silly" she says as she laughs.

We talked a little bit more about how therapy was going. I told how much it was helping me and how I was feeling like I was making progress. She asked how things were going with Davon and I told her how much I missed him but that I just wasn't ready to see him yet. After talking for awhile I told her I had to get back to finish my assignment. When I turned to leave I could have sworn I seen Davon but I just shook my head clearly I was losing it.

Once I was back home I finished my assignment and decided to just watch a movie until my appointment later. I was so engrossed with the movie I didn't hear Luc come in. She walked up behind me and screamed scaring the hell out of me.

"What the f**k Luc" I yelled at her.

"I'm sorry I couldn't resist" she says laughing so hard she fell to the floor "you didn't even hear me come in not my fault you weren't paying attention"

"Whatever asshole" I said rolling my eyes "you know what just for that I'm not cooking you dinner for your birthday"

She stopped laughing immediately "oh come on Cam please don't do that" she begged "you always make me tamales for my birthday"

"Ok fine" I said giving in. I swear I can never tell her no.

"Yay" she said clapping her hands like a little kid.

"I don't know why you're so excited you still have two months before your birthday" I holler at her as she heads upstairs.

I get a broom and clean up the popcorn that went everywhere when Luc scared me. Stupid butthead I should be making her do this it's her freaking fault. As I'm emptying the dust pan Luc comes down stairs in her work uniform.

"So what time is your appointment today" she ask me as she grabs some leftovers to eat before work.

"6 after I'll come back here change and then meet you at work" I tell her picking at her food.

"You sure you ready to come back" she says as she swats my hand away "Ray said he's fine if you wanna take another week off"

"Yea I'm ready to be back at work. Sitting around all day is driving me crazy" I say then I snatch her plate of food away.

"Hey give that back" she yells as she chases me around the couch

"Nope my food" I say laughing at her.

After a few more minutes of playing keep away with her food I concede and give her back her plate. I run upstairs and jump in the shower before I leave for my appointment.

I pull into the parking lot of the building where my therapist office is and head inside. I go to the elevators and push the button for the fourth floor. I sign in and the receptionist has me take a seat. She informed me that Dr.Roth was running behind a little.

Fifteen minutes later I am escorted to Dr.Roth's office. "Hello Dr.Roth" I say as I take a seat.

"Camila I've told you to please call me Ashlynn" she says as she sits down in her chair.

"Ok I will I promise but only if you call me Cami" I say with a smile.

"Ok deal" she says returning my smile. "So last time we talked you were telling me about the night you tried to take your life."

"Yea" I say in a small voice.

"Hey none of that now" she says giving me a stern look "I've told you before that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Something awful happened to you and you dealt with it in the only way you knew how to at the time"

I know she's right but sometimes it's still hard for me to fully believe her. I think about the first time I came to see Ashlynn and how scared I was to talk to her.

"Hello I'm Dr.Roth but I insist that you call me Ashlynn" she says as she shakes my hand.

"Hi I'm Camila but I go by Cami" I say as I sit in the chair she directs me to.

"Ok first I want to know what it is you're hoping to get from our sessions" she asks me as she sits in a chair across form.

"I don't know to tell you the truth" I say looking around nervously.

"Ok well what made you decide to seek therapy" she ask me.

"Well I lost my parents at 15 and then a few years later I started dating this boy it ended really bad and I thought I was over it until I started dating someone new and had a massive panic attack when he tried being intimate with me" I tell her

"Ok well let's start from the end and work our way backwards" she says.

"Shouldn't we start at the beginning" I ask a bit confused

"Nope if we start from the beginning you won't be able to see the effect the events of you past caused you but if we work out way backwards the effect is the first thing we see and then we can identify the cause" she says with a warm smile.

I knew immediately that I was going to like her. She had the same no nonsense attitude about things that Luc had.

"So Cami" she says giving me a serious look "we've talked about your parents and about what happened with Jason. We've also talked about Davon and where you want that relationship to go but I still feel like there is something you're not telling me"

"Ummm" I say trying to avoid eye contact.

"Cami if you want to get to the cause of the panic attack you had when you were trying to be intimate with Davon you have tell me everything" she says

I know she's right but I just don't know if I can bring myself to actually say the words 'I was r***d' out loud.

"If you're not ready to talk about it that's fine we can save it for another day but eventually you'll need to talk about it. Because whatever it is I have a feeling that you won't be able to move past it till you do" she tells me giving me a look that says 'you know I'm right'.

We spent the rest of the appointment talking about everything but the most important thing and I made a promise to myself that next time we would talk about it. After I left I went home and changed and headed to work.